Never wait, or hesitate

Finally the derangel has left! Now i can blog it up with you non-reading ass stinky left handed bald granny humpin pigmees. First things first, 1,000 pardons for my abscence of the blog entries, shit gets pretty crazy in the life and times of nikia jonez, there's times i don't even eat because of the shit i'm sorting through. Which brings me directly to my point, food, u like it, i like it, and all sorts of different kinds i'm sure. But why can't one achieve the joy of a meal without all the bullshit? I mean, your either cooking or your not, and if neither is the case you must be getting delivery. The very best of my eating escapades is at grandma's. She makes it all, and all i have to do is wash dishes. The lightest of household chores in itself that i don't mind doing being that it usually makes me feel like i have accomplished something seeing a kitchen full of clean cutlery and plates. Anyhow, i want a machine where i just open the door and BAM! there's something good. No menu or stove or a phone call. Just open up and there's the best of the best cooking tasting and presentational cuisine money can buy. I don't care how it got in there when i just had breakfast out of it and it was empty when i closed the door, i just need the dam food cause my tank is on empty and i needs to scarf down something that won't leave me with a mess or a bill! Dam that would be too fuckin sweet ya know? I'd set it up like net flix, you just fill out a list of things you like to eat and everyday there'll be a meal waitng for you in this box fresh and packing all the trimmings. I'd love some fuckin lamp chops right now! Mmmm..... Any food would honestly be good, i'd even eat sweet potatoes at this point! Well, fuck you guys, i keep finding myself writing this shit out just to have you all go on about your daily lives like this is all a big ass joke or something. Go figure. nikia jonez out bitches.

Its the Vacay!!

woo woo tomorrow my vacation starts and i am superdy duperdy happy. i am so damn happy i am making up new words. and that is very different from when i am so mad i make up words. i am going to atlanta. maybe i will see ludacris or even better eightball and mjg. mjg is pretty cool i think. i think he would even let me hang out despite my whiteness. you see at least miguel has a spanish name i am just plain old white. liek vanilla ice cream. i have to use my zaniness(sprinkles) to entice others(people who like ice cream) to talk to me(eat me). but anywho i amsoon to be off. i get to leave the derangel a little early tonite. i am getting back to even with her. if she lets me leave early maybe 20 times without her leavig any i think we will be close to even, with me still on top. and then tomorrow off to atlanta. we going to the zoo and then we will see soundtribe the next day. plus we will eat good food. i will give a full report on return. but dont worry sports fans i will be getting paid while im getting laid. damn that sounds good.

In the summertime when the weather is fine

dang am i ready for summer. cold weather blows nuts. fuzzy nuts with long hairs that go down your throat tickle your tonsels. if that doesnt make you gag very little will. but for real, summer is nice. i am ready to beach it up. especially since i am a nighttimer now i can beach it in the day. unfortunately this job is more professional than the wendys or i would come up here smelling like ass just like i did at the wendys. fuckers. well its it short and sweet tonite the best guest service agent in the agency just came back and is using her evil gaze to stop my enjoyment. pizzle on the rizzle.

Drinky winky

The thrill of being off work is getting closer and closer by the minute, tonight when i get's off i think i'm gonna i'm gonna find this dude that come up to the desk with his fairly condescending atittude because he got embarrassed that a mother fucker can speak spanish and he doesn't get to talk shit all incognito and on the low. He just left to go downtown and i hope when i get off to go get my drink on that it'll all be over but the crying. I've never liked the way people try to be sneaky and stuck up by talking shit, and thinking that because you may not be from where they are or look just the same as them you must not know anything at all in any shape form or fashion of there culture, that's some fucked up repugnant shit my good freinds, make no mistake of that. I've never done shit i ain't have to, and that includes fighting another brown man or talking shit in spanish just cause i think no one else around me has enough cultural experience to know that someone speaking another language is bashing on them. One of my favorite things to do is when i catch people doing that shit just lay into them and hurt the fuck outta there feelings for being so goddamn shallow. Shallow people suck goat dick for play-dough. I can't wait to let the drinking begin tonight for sho though. I got these stuck up yuppies with nothing better to do than to bitch about how fast they can blow there money the way that they want to all in my grill. One dude just wouldn't stop tripping the fuck out over our bellman. The funny thing was he reminded me of my dad, the way he seemed so angry that he couldn't even stand himself. I was reflecting on the past today and i remembered how i won the 8th grade tri-county spelling and got to go to state. The whole experience in itself was pretty cool, the only thing about it was i was in th speling bee EVERY year except for the 11th and 12th grade, and the most tragic experience in my spelling runs was mis-spelling the word puzzling, it was truly a tragic moment in the life and times of nikia jonez, i got up there with another girl from pinewood and we had the words puzzling and colossal, she fucked up then, i did too, she won by default cause she spelled arachnid correctly. That year you could've won a grand, after that though i still always made it to state, but the prizes were lame as mr. reed. The funny thing is to this day i will never forget how to spell puzzling, and i realized earlier that all things should be viewed the same way, it's a mistake that i only made once and made sure to never do again. All mistakes should be viewed this way. Maybe then shit wouldn't get so crazy. And now a very special segment of my nightly work blog, i call it the chance to get back. Tonight i would like to take this chance to get back at president bush, what a fucker, i saw this shit on youtube where an investigative reporter fires this question that makes him stutter for at least a minute and a half, then, he walks the fuck off and away from the podium. What a goddamn fucker. First of all, those people he keeps running off the border are the only one's willing to work in the feilds picking the food we all eat, this is true, and i'm speaking from personal experience. You can go to the feilds all across the nation where our fresh veggies and cotton and fruit and sod are grown and you won;t see a single white person and definetly no black folks. But, no fuck that, let's keep them outta here because they keep taking up the jobs americans can hold down. YEAH RIGHT, i hate that shit. It's almost like legal racism and segregation. Some of those people are my family members who haven't got a chance in hell at making a decent life for themselves in the homeland not eveerybody can just make do with what they got. Bullsit and more Bullshit. But, that's that for now, I just hope you have heede our previous warnings. The time is near and the m-fing will start soon enough. Just though you might like to know. Increase tha peace.

The day I got a new thumb print.

So it all started out as most days do at Hampden-Sydney. I woke up in my lofted bed and hit my head on the roof. I got out of bed and got a beer. I then got my towel and shower stuff and went and took a shower and drank my beer. there is certainly nothing better than beer in the shower, not for my money at least. then after my beer and shower i head back to my room. we were chilling out with bluford when we heard the news. there was a hurricane coming right for us in the middle of virginia. we couldnt believe it so we went on as normal going to classes and what not. later in the day we were in french class when all the lights went out and it began to get very dark. shortly after the rain started to come down hard. so we all got out of class right around noon. so we all go back to our dorm and pile together all of our beer. but we decided it wasnt enough so i had to go and ask my buddy the preacher to run to the liquor store and get some more for us. little did we know that brandon had a handle of bacardi in his closet. so around noon thirty me and the gang started drinking and we were really drinking. we bought 6 thirties of beast at the super walmart for 50 bucks. it was pretty cool. so we are all drinking heavily and it is raining and about 12 hours go by. with constant drinking. around midnite i find myself outside with the handle of 151 in my hands. i am just standing there(this was one of those moments when you find yourself somewhere without realizing you werent where you thought you were) so i am outside the dorm. and i have the bacardi in my hand and all of a sudden, in the rain mind you, my pal brandon shouts my name and says" hey tommy what the fuck are you doing" and i heard him and i got startled. so my drunken dumb ass takes off running around the side of the building. as i get to the road behind the dorm( and this road is a big ass hill, and as we all know in savannah, ga there are no hills so running up hills isnt my specialty especially in a hurricane with the rain and wind and all.) so i hit the road running and i am doing alright, as i hit the incline i lose my footing and with the bacardi bottle in one hand i take the fall the bottle lands under my chest and shatters. when this happens it opens up cuts all over my body. the biggest and most gushing( although they were all gushing from all of the alcohol in my blood) was on my thumb which was bleeding so bad my hand looked black in the night. as i reached to pull my shoe back on i get blood all over myself and my friends have a chance to catch up and laugh at the spectacle i had just made. so with all my friends gathered around they carry my bloodied delirious drunken self inside. once we get inside my pre med friends take over. they get out all of there goodies and start fixin me up. they have to hold me down because i dont know whats going on and i have to pee but i am also bleeding all over my self. this turned out to be a bad idea because shortly after they finished my gauze(which has an interesting side story) they found out just what it looks like when a drunken ass hole pukes everywhere. unfortunately for me i found out what happens when you do that. they all dropped me and i fell on the floor into my own puke. so know i am bloody covered in my own vomit and i am getting very tired. i keep telling them to just let me stay there but the keep talling me i wont be happy in the morning if i wake up there. plus they dont want me to die( or at least i thought so) then they finally get me up and take my clothes off and get me in the shower. and damn was that some cold water but once it warmed up that was the best shower ever. and from then on i have had a new thumb print. although the cops have already gotten it. fuckers.

And then I said let it be

And so it was that it was let be. Then while it was being let be a tidal wave surged over the continent and the only two people left alive were me and chuck norris, or so we thought. So me and chuck are just chillin out talking about how cool chuck is. and he is telling me how the whole tidal wave started. apparently what happened was that chuck was doing pushups which normally only causes minor damage to the weather on earth because as we all now when chuck norris does pushups he isnt pushing himself up but rather he is pushing the world down. but apparently while he was doing it someone nearby turned on some phil collins and he was so motivated that he began vehemently doing his pushups. he was doing so many so fast that the world began to vibrate and that is when the waters of all the oceans lept out of their confines and flooded the land. so while we were laughing about it i heard a strange noise. but it was more god awful than strange. what was it we thought. it was god damn jimmy buffet. so what do me and old chuck do. well first we go and dig a big hole. then while chuck is out gathering foliage i weave a false floor out of vines that i collected from the rain forest where we all live. so when chuck comes back we place the fake floor over the hole and cover it with the foliage chuck collected. when it is done it looks just like the rest of the jungle floor. so after all this excruciating work we go and find buffet. so we lure buffet with these young girls who we met earlier(also survivors)((buffet cant resist young girls))(((the more parentheses the more important the added detail that couldnt be worked into the story for lack of time, effort, etc.))). so we are luring buffet with these fine ass chicks with nice legs and all over to where me and chuck are staying and he is playing his shitty ass music on the way. so we are walking down the trail with the faux floor and all of a sudden i walk off to the side of the trail right next to where the trap is. me and chuck pretend we heard a loud noise and then dismiss it as nothing so as not to alert buffet. so with buffet following behind us and the chicks pretending like his music is good following behind him we continue you on. a couple of steps and me and chuck here my exquisite false floor snapping and low and behold we have him trapped. but little did i know but chuck really hates jimmy buffet and while i wasnt looking he but sharpened stakes in the bottom of our trap. so when i went to taunt jimmy i found that jimmy had been pierced by not one but 4 sharp spears. however to my delight jimmy windpipe had been completely ripped out so even if there hadnt been the tidal waves that wiped out all the doctors jimmy would never sing again. second later jimmy died and i fucked both chicks while chuck cheered me on. he wasnt allowed to as his amazin cock would destroy their gentle vaginas.

now that was nice wasnt it? i think so just a little appeteaser before the great and long story of 2008. in closing everyone needs to go and get a copy of "run ronnie run"n and watch it. and further i will send out one more warning to those none readers and there mothers. if you dont start reading this excellent prose your mothers will be sorry because i will send big gay ray after your fathers and then your mothers will never fuck your fathers again. and all they will have left to choose from is your weakling selves and me and mr jones. and you know who they will pick. and yall dont want us to become your daddies because the whippings will begin and never end. read it and so sayeth the Tommy

The only Christmas post

well this is the only post on Christmas this year for the young but wise blog but i have to honor of blogging it. one thing about the blog that pisses me off is that the word blog now pops up in my brain every now and then . like i should have said this is all i am writing on the thing this Christmas but i have been changed by the blog and now i say thats all i am bloggin on the blog and now i have made it slang. fuck that from now on i am writing on the thing( that you stupids cunts dont read) i only hope that one of you sad bastards googles the word sloppy cunt or runny cunt and you get this blog, boring pussy ass computer guys. i mean sure i have searched for stuff like that dozens and dozens of times. it there were a word like dozens that meant more than twelve i have probably done that too. but i have an excuse. i worked at a dirty movie store and looking at a huge 400 lb fat chick getting jizzed on by 8 different dudes and two shemales is for me like yall looking at a piece of paper. it has no effect. i have seen it all. i have seen a dude fucking a dudes ass that dude was fuckin a trannys ass and that tranny had his/her cock stuck up this hot bitchs runny cunt. hahah now it is possible to google runny cunt and get this thing. i mean shit i said it three times. if you cant google runny cunt and get this shit then damn. i mean what good is it if you cant get this wonderful thing that me and mr jones do when you search for runny cunt.

now for more xmas related stuff and less ranting. i know all of you want to know what i got for Christmas. to start with i got loot for my playstation 3. thats tight i typed it all out. it deserves that. however i fucked up the le sabre and i will prolly have to use the money to fix up my sweet car. but i also got stuff which cant be spent. i got king of the hill(fuckin awesome), the simpsons movie(righteous) and the third season of futurama. i mean how can you beat that . plus i got some gidt cards although they can be spent. i am sure my homeboy chuck norris got lots of good gifts and prolly mr jones too. but what does the birdsman get? i mean what can you get the birdman that he doesnt already have? i mean he has the caprice on 44's with spinners. he has all the hoochie mamas he could want and he has the birdmobile. i mean damn what can you get the birdman. i was going to send him papers so he could adopt me but im not sure i am cool enough, and i am pretty damn cool. much cooler than all you non reading fucks out there. i hope all you guys told your mothers to stay lubed 24/7 cause they will not be happy if there is no lube. i am sure they will appreciate it if you get them lube for xmas just make sure to explain what its for. it is because you are a cunt and dont read the right stuff. i mean all the dumb shit on the internet that you are reading and you arent reading this. your mother should fuck up your ass with no lube herself. on second thought tell your mother that the lube isnt for her but for yourself because you need tyo be violated for not reading the most intelligent thing on the internet. i think you will fiend my compadre will echo my thoughts although perhaps with less cursing and raping. but hey thats how i get down. i do what i want. that it for the Christmas posting. i know you all enjoyed it and until tomorrow watch out for your bung holes and keep on keeping on. sandford out

My stomach burns as my but hole puckers

Well, here it is christmas eve with the ang, a major case of the bubble guts, and only a couple of hours til i'm sipping grandmas sweet tea and eating the first plate of deviled eggs she made. Me and my gram have a bad ass relationship, she likes to cook and i likes to eat what she cooks, we work in her flowers together sometimes and if the time of the year is i get to help clean the feshly hunted down deer! good times and fat rhymes! The coolest thing ever though is that my sistert is already there and told me one of the presents waitning for us is HUGE!!!! i got a few party favors that makes the drive rise to the "height" of enjoyability. Well sportsfans, i know is short sweet maybe, and definetly to the point, but that's all ya'll getting out of nikia jones today. Besides once you read it and set me know that i'll compensate with a little more to enlighten yo mind with. holla back!!!!

The quickest forms of releif.

Well, needless to say, today sucks at the hilton just like the days before. The ang was here but she left after 2 hours! Now it's just me these last 45 minutes and all the korn videos my heart desires. I found this book called hagakure, i;ve read at least 20 times all the way through, and i can't help but to keep reading the shit out of it. The gun man in his abscence is hopefully well on his to copping that new ps3, I know how much he's been looking forward top getting his hands on that, i'll be here again tommorow but luckily enough, it'll be for about 4 maybe 5 hours, and i get to ditch the ang to do as i please!!!! Nothing like the sweet indulgance of getting a motherfucker back. Yesterday was a crazy ass day fo the sho, i almost got hit by a car in the pedestrian yeild zone in front of the walmart, i give the guy the finger and he decides to turn around and commence to beg for me to give him the chance to beat my ass, the only thing that actually sucked, was that when he got out a 45 slipped out of his lap and landed on the ground and i immediately knew that this was not going to be the type of fight where i was going to stand my ground and leave with a few lumps, this was gonna be some murder shit, cause don't get me wrong, by the code, you live a focused life and willing death. But not at the hands of honorless shitbag who doesn't even know how to carry the peice he himself has to protect his sorry ass. I withdrew by simply letting him see me walk towards the truck 2 spots over from mine,and immediatly then he drove away. The end result was just the same as the beginning of the confrontation, absolutely nothing from nothing ending in more nothingness. But, i was still pissed the fuck off to hell and back. I hope that by the time he realizes he should've shot the hell out of me, the police fuind him and tow his heap. That's a nikia jones all original in yo face come back. You almost hit me with yo ride, and i'll cop your plates and tow that shit quick as fuck, not cause i;m scared, only because your bitch ass has a gun and you wanna try to blast me when you just came less than a few inches from hitting me and my homeboys and my wife. What kind of fuck shit is that? I like the thought of putting all the old skool cartoons i used to watch back on tv, then i take a look around and see how these fuck ass punks keep commercializing EVERYTHING that they come in contact with. That's why young jeezy is still my favorite rapper, right next to ol pastor troy and kool herc. In closing, you sick bastards are really starting to get at my fuckin nerves with this non-reading shit, get your bi-focals or whatever and let the mind pollution begin, cause this list of moms we got is getting longer and longer, and the gun man done said he ain't packing no lube. Needless to say it'll be nasty once these (us) motherfuckers get on the loose! Well for now just remember to tip ya waitress and increase tha peace. -nikia jones signing off!

Dont say the car has the top down say its titties are out

Well one more hiltony day down and who knows how many more to go. i have been hard at the hilton for 2 years and 2 months now and it gets the smae every day. i talk to a shitload of strangers, most of whom suck ass like it was candy taste up in there. but on occasion you get some nice ones. at least a mean woman with some nice tits, i mean you gotta get a little something. sometimes i find myself looking for the good in these mother fuckers so hard that i miss the big pictures. they are douche bags here to suck up my life and energy with there idiotic requests and things they DESERVE because they spend lots of money at hotels. then you have to listen to how they are going to call the big boss and tell him all about your problems. the whole time one thinks why not just tell him i dont give a shit, i cant do anything about it. liek today this woman calls down to say her phone doesnt work and i tell her it seems fine to me we are talking and she is using it. and she says well sometimes it doesnt work. so i call the guy to go fix it and no more than 5 minutes go by and she wants to know where they are, i said i just talked to him give him a moment you arent the only person he has to help out here. this must have pissed them off because she hung up. i just thought good you old bastard i dont want to hear you shitty ass voice again till i hear you say good bye.
on the greener side of things, tommorrow is christmas with the moms and i should get all sorts of good shit. so far i have only gotten one gift and it was the simpsons from the lady. it is fuckin awesome. i am hoping to get some more good stuff i know i am getting some more movies and some money to buy my playstation 3 that shit is going to be dank. i cant wait to get it i will play it until all my fingers fall off and i get hairy palms and i get all greasy from sitting inside all the time like computer kids. and if that make some of you computer kids angry i just have one thing to say. fuck you. thats right. up yours you little fairy bitched. i could throw you farther and faster than you could your little sister who thinks you suck and she is your little sister. come on man. pull together. go to the kroger and get a douche so you can get the sand out of you vagina. i know it must be getting scratchy, it must have worked itself quite for up your little hole, since you have been in your basement for so long. and to all the nerds who say well we dont have basements in the south i have something to say to you too. fuck you. pansy ass. also to the people who havent been reading this blog that we put so much of our important work time into and you dont even care. this is from me and miguel and also alot of other people(for the complete list of people who also say this to ouy check out the labels) and what we want to say is fuck you you runny nosed shitty pants having ass munchers.

She choked on juice

So she choked on some juice and i almost laughed in her face damn was it funny. i have been tryin to get my blog on all day but havent been able to because she loves to pry like a mama jama. so now i get my sweet relief. i get to bitch on the internet to anyone who will listen even though no one does. but soon they will start the threat has been issued yall know what the consequences are we have laid them out and as my comrade in ranting has mentioned we are some bad mfers and no one wants us to start wildin out on them. plus he has a sword and i have a bat. so watch your ass or ill push you down in the grass and then hit you with some glass in the ass. well she is back i must pause. now she is gone again so the peace is back and i can finish my thoughts that i feel the need to share with the world. i think it has to do with my superiority complex. i know that sounds vain but what can i say i am sweet and no one will tell you different. well i think that is it for a day bvefore i have a day off. tommy

Operations of undignified vengful bullshit

Well, it's half past eleven and i finally see how the shit rolls around here at the newer job, this bitch is extracting her revenge on me because i was late my first morning and now she's gotta get hers since i fucked around and kept her for a few extra minutes, but it's all good, she obviously has yet to learn who the fuck she's mothafuckin dealing with, and in my game the house always wins, and my home is built like a goddam fotress, so fuck that and fuck her. Moving right along, i made some big plans for the next couple of days, i get to live it up starting at 11pm tomorrow i got a major hook up and my girl has totally got everything lined up for when the fun starts, all i need now is to get the fuck outta here and to the corner store so that i can get me a brew. or maybe 6. Who the fuck knows. Then, the best news of all, otis made is return, i like tothink he maybe read one of them flyers the gun man made himself but there really is no telling. It was just cool as fuck to see some down right loyalty, that's a rare thing in the world, loyalty, you never see that in people hardly at all. Then, this chick is gonna try to tell me to dip what kind of shit is tha? Well, that's it on my end i'll check ya'll later.

The day no pigs died.

Last nite was excellent we found our beloved otis, and had a mad dash to call and let everyone know the good news. for those of you who do not know who or what otis is, otis is a giant fluffy cat who is very sweet yet mean. otis can peel two onions at once with each foot thats eight at one time. on a bad day. with any luck tonite will be just as good. i think my lady friend ought to have everything set up when i get home and then it will be gettin down on the get down.
i just got to talk to our beloved angel and she wanted to know about the schedule but she is in the same boat as us in the one and we are all up shit creek. she had better just keep her mouth shut before she ends up in the shitty waters of shit creek. sweet jesus, all damn day today i have had to listen to these stupid stuck up pricks and i am just about to slap the shit out of this old bitch and tell her to cool her tool because she is cruisin for a bruisin. then i am going to let some of these crazy black chicks that work up here whoop her old ass so i dont have to since real men arent allowed to hit women. well the day is almost over it is quarter after 10 and i am still alive havent even peed once. damn am i good, when i drink after a while i have to pee after each beer. stupid extreme metabolism. i can eat a steak and poop it out 30 minutes later if i try. thats right i control my inner workings with my mind. i could stop farting but it hurts.

i don't just dabble damn you

Well girls and guys, let's just right to it, i got mad yesterday and i had to prove a fuckin point, i got called in to my other job today, and these penis heads happen to see a tattoo of mine and kindly ask what it means, and all it does mean is "elder bother" and "Samurai" the samurai part comes from the study of the sword and the code i choose to live by. The elder brother has a double meaning, the first is that me and the rest of the guys who studied under my retainer all grew very close and we were our own brand of a band of brothers, the second is that my sisters and me fought off my parents growing up and i took most of the punishment for them when it came right to it. I love them both very much. But back to the story, these fuckers see my tatt and it causes and onslaught of questions and they chose to mock me and seemingly wanted to see something that would show just what the hell this was all about. I grab a bokken nearby out of the truck i'm now driving, but please understand i don't usually react this way, i could honestly give a flying rats fucking ass what these lackys think because the code isn't about proving yourself, but at the same time i sure as hell get sick of the same old "same old" when it comes to people and not respecting something like the sword when has changed alot of things in and around me, the only reason that i am self-disciplined is because of what the practice of the sword has taught me. So i light one of my newports and smoke it to the little green line that says newport right above it, once i am done i put it on a window sill and cut it with my bokken and never miss a lick the cherry goes one way and the butt itself another. I get a couple of looks like "yeah right" so then i get my boss man to hold one in his hand while it's lit and again i cut the cherry off while in his hand and only as long as the butt or filter itself, he was nervous but i did it flawlessly just the way my retainer did. So here we all are in front of the other hotel one guy with a sword and a group of nicely dressed business types guys and girls watching and a cop rides by and offers his gay ass assistance for no apparent reason at all, we all go in and no one has anything to say but "that was cool" what a bunch of douche bags, i mean really how do u gain knowledge of anything if you just want a good show? The only other topic i have to add to is what tommy(gun) said, you fuckers better get to reading before it's to late, on top of what he said about doing the nasty, and being mean motherfuckers. We some mean motherfuckers, and we don't play when it comes to the money, blogs, and food, so you got about 8 seconds to get to it and 7 of them are up. Holla back.......................................

Hitman Sammy Sam

Do the step daddy!!! Thats right its similar to the cha cha slide but when you go left in the cha cha you go right in the step daddy and vice versa. Its beens a good day at the hilton, i must leave my compadre miguel to the rest of the night. i mean with 2 checkins i imagine he will be swamped. i suppose i could call in the ang for emergency help but i think my pal would forever disown me. but i would never do that, i am too cool for that. only some are at my level of coolness which is why i delegate my coolness to others. my woman is fixin to get off work. something i hate is when people correct me when i saw im fixin to do something. fuck them, they can be fixin to shut the fuck up, cuz im fixin to shut them up. those bastards are all cruisin for bruisins.
the latest on the otis report is that otis is still missing. thats all for today until next time stay sleazy. the name is tommy, i have prophesied enough for today.

When the world goes amuck you must get better luck

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No Sodomy

another day at the ol hilton it is ladies and gentlemen, only this time twice as dull, and three times as boring. i get to cook up some bad ass fajitas tonite so that will kick ass considering the fact that i;m hungry as an ethiopian just got a few minutes to get my blog as well, so i guess the only thing worth while to say today is: I appreciate people, Tommy has been the coolest person that i have met since living in savannah, then there's my wifey, she has been there through the thick and thin of it all. She's the one that i know has my back in no matter what the hell may be going down. I have to give some props to my retainer gene martinez, that nigga there has given me something that you can't buy or even search for. The very best things in life i have learned from those around me. The saddest things about life have to be the losses, the loss of a time is the worst of all losses, but there are those i've lost in prison and have seen drugged and burnt onlife itself, just living for the sake of high they will chase to their very end. Be excellent to all those around you that you feel are actually worth your time and trouble. i've never had to cut ties without proper justification, and i'm always willing to drop a quick line to whoever whenever. Ya'll be cool out there, shouldn't be too hard considering the weather. -nikia jones

Dirty Dirty

Here we are live at the Hampton just bloggin and thuggin it out big! I fuckin hate working here already, no wonder the jeffer quit like he did. I found out he also has a big mouth. (Good thing he left the ol Hilton too!) Anyway, this weekend has been too fuckin crazy, lost my cell phone, then my car, and now i have a truck for the time being. I did get to hang with tommy, and sonya who turned out to be cool as fuck, but i think i may have pissed her old man off or something, i got sick as hell from some bad sushi too, i got a picture i hope i can post on here a.s.a.p! Looking back on the last few days i think that i may get myself a new hangover amd try to block out everything that happened. I have a mission today: i will rescue my granada and hit my man tommy up and see if he's stuck at work today or not, then, search and destroy any and all traces of this gay ass dick flaovered idiotic flaming bitch ass EMO bullshit!!!! I think this whole entire emo thing is as fucked up and repugnant as it fuckin gets, bitch ass music for a bunch of bitch ass hoe boys who never once in there life have actually rocked to the real {real}. Rock music, i hope like hell this wave of this metro sexual motherfuckers wreck there ride on the way to a gay ass afflicted HIM concert. And fuck bam margera for selling the fuck out to the goddamn man no less. If you've ever seen CKY you'll know what i mean. I think my mission will be a grand success as long as i can get ahold of the "proper" equipment. Maybe they'll just realize what a bunch of bitch ass hoe boys there being and give up on themselves before i have to force them too! And what the fuck is up with these dudes you see looking anerexic as hell so they can fit into some pencil-leg pants and a t-shirt that's 3 sizes to small? It looks to me like the new breed of mankind is gonna be seperated into three groups and the dominant ones will end killing the two off little by little. (I can only hope). If i ever end in a fuckin purple shirt with Him on it with a half sleeve and a gigantic belt buckle with somepants that look like there cutting the circulation off to my legs PULL THE FUCKIN TRIGGER ASAP! (god i hate that emo bullshit). I got 2 really good ideas for a t-shirt, first i want one that says in white letters on black fuck dat emo shit, the second, i want a stick figure holding a giant boom-box and underneath him it says "fuck yo iPod nigga" i would rock that shit at least 4 times a week. I think i'll coin a new phrase for those emo fucks, i'll call them... emo fairies? nah, how bout pussy punks? nah, fuck that, how bout... emo-posers? nah, what name do you give a bunch of shitless fucks who look like a trend tragedy, and like suck ass music, and don't even know how to rock out? I don't know, but, i officially declare the "emo" word a very insult! hah! that'll be one i spread the word over. This has been a nikia jonez inc presentation, keep it real out there and hold it down. EMO mothafuckin sux donkey dick and blows dogs for nickels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Two Tommyless Days

Well im glad everyone made it through. i know it was tough having none of my rambling for two whole days but now it starts again. well its more of a jump start since i have off tomorrow but still a restart because my co conspirator miguel will be leaking his brand of insanity onto the internet. trust i feel bad enough for my good buddy he gets to work all by his lonesome with the half puerto rican half black man. i mean is there anything scary. i think probably lions and tigers would be worse. at least more scary. but enough of that work stuff for now this is a happy place where i come to escape work.
one thing i really like is that guy who would paint on tv so people could learn and he would say all the goofy shit. damn was that funny. also i truly do like soul train, and rod roddy. although i think drew carey makes the price is right less amazing, and it truly was amazing with bob. i mean those people get some damn excited, how could anyone not like it? now i am down to the last 2 hours maybe. when i got here today i was told i may have to stay late so as to help the ang. she wouldnt do the same i dont think, or at least i wouldnt want her to. well it is time for me to get off this and do some real type work. like nothing. up your ass with mobil gas. big tommy the big bomby

pimping hoes, slinging gats, all dat and more

1 hour and six minutes for me to clear out and let the beer flow like the mighty mississippi... where have i heard that? Anyhow, for once there some kick ass music in the lobby!! I just heard some fifty, and then i heard some old school kool DJ herc, the only song that sucked so far was that lame ass bubble gum rapper soldier boy or what the fuck ever. I don't know how people get away with that lame shit today they try and call rap. Anyhow for those of you who don't appreciate old skool jams and such kool DJ herc invented break dancing music. He's the schizznizzle-bam-dizzle. Everybody should buy the afroman album the good times, i love that motha fuckin afroman. That shit is the shit, but lets keep it simple, don't really have a need to get to complex on ya'll bout any of this. I got tommorow off and i'm gonna go and try and find me a blistering ass hangover and do it big with a few friends. The Ang isn't here today but shanell was and she's actually pretty cool. She even bought me some happy china! Can't ever go wrong with that happy china, but in the words of my good friend tommy 'rock it' and don't step on people's toe's. Gotta go get my drank, ya'll stay up. holla back.

The Bebopster

Damn do i love me some rock steady and bebop. i hope to all hell that my picture shows up. now for a little commentary on what my picture is. this is a photo of the evil pair right after their full transformation, because as we all know they were just two punks out cruisin for a bruisin. then they found the evil shredder and he saw that he could use them for evil. and so he did, he also had to kill a rhino and a wart hog to do it but the is the shredder. that makes one wonder if peta ever got pissed about that they get pissed about everything else. they need to keep their traps shut so that no one does the horrible things to them that happen to animals. like we could start a peta circus where members of peta have to jump through fire rings and run around on trapezes above the crowd. the only yhitng that would be different about that circus besides the peta peopel would be that everyone would have to where raincoats to guard themselves from the peoplecoming from the air as they wet themselves. pussys.

i have been pondering lately as a i tend to do about the new goonies film the old one was good but the new one i just done know about. what they need to do is make a new bedknobs and broom sticks. that was a kick ass movie with the underwater scene and the animal soccer. good stuff.

otis report: as of today there are flyers posted around town around 60 or so and still no notice on otis. that rhymed. hopefully he will come home soon as we all miss him. even fuzzy and fuzzy misses no one. thats it for today. only 13 more till x-mas. be easy yet hard
tommy the bomby

A Deep rant.......

Well, i had this really cool idea for a deep rant but i just changed my mind half way through. The truth be told there was too much too it that would be a bit too revealing about certain aspects of my personal and private life, i mean what i do and want to keep private is my beezneez. Then, i came to the realization that what i was doing was against the g-code that a selected few of us choose to abide by, then on top of that i live by a totally different creed all together that has never been written, and is only passed person to person. I almost immediately realized the error in my thinking, but i guess the best way for me to sum up the overall point of what i had to inform the reader; excluding tommy(gun); is that if you're a "gangsta" or just gangsta, or consider yourself a real O.g. or if you're old school with it and consider yourself straight up gangster, there's alot more than just calling yourself one and carrying yourself a certain way, there's a another whole world of respect you learn to appreciate, mannerism and even traditions, you never let ya homies starve and ya never sling a gat in ya own hood. Need i say more? I mean really, when did it get so hard just to keep it real. It's fuckin 80 degrees in december in georgia, and so far no one around me seems the least bit concerned. Real? you decide, hit me up, or don't just keep yo shit as real as a muthafucka can get. *This message was approved by Nikia jone$

The day Otis vanished

My poor cat Otis vanished last nite into nothingness. i am hoping that he didnt get snatched up by some cat lady or something. Otis was a good cat always full of knowledge and willing to help anyone who asked. Felix used to love to suck on Otis's nipples trying to get milk. But no milk would come because Otis was a boy. We miss Otis a good deal and hope he finds his way home soon. i made some "lost cat" flyers that i intend to put up all over town. if everyone in downtown doesnt know that Otis is missing by tomorrow then i will have failed in my mission to exhaust all methods to find my sweet Otis. you may notice how i always capitalize Otis's name, that is because Otis deserves it more than these other words. As for the current events of the day besides that things have been going alright. it is down to me now at the hilton, maxin and relaxin as i do. sometimes my whole body aches from being so damn cool. but once i get home tonite things are really gonna heat up. im gonna get some beers in me and play some video games. i know what you must be thinking this man is crazy who does these things at night, he ought to be going to bed, or at least hanging out with his friends. but oh no with my highly developed sense of coolness i stay at home and play by myself, notice i could have said play with myself but i dont like to sound dirty unless absolutely necessary. and dont you confuse that being dirty with the dirty dirty. because while we are that kind of dirty in the dirty dirty but we just dont constantly flaunt it. well its down to the last hour and a half so i am going to surf the internet for cool stuff. be easy on the peasy. tommy el presidonto

Another day in paradise.

Well ladies and gentlemen, here we are once again, the hilton, the boredom, and the unresistable urge to freak the fuck out on these ass wipes that come up here. Today was going pretty good until i actually got to this shit hole, i had an awesome cuban sandwich that kicked cuba's ass. The bike's out of the shop too. I'm still worried about her wrecking the dam thing again but hopefully that won't be the case. Tommy (gun) has got to hold it down for now since they gave me a half day to work, hopefully the ang won't start talking out of her ass to him about nothing. She almost reminds me of what diarrhea would be like in human form.(sorta) but its time for nikia jonez to go and do his thang in the kitchen with those facy smancy pots and pans. Ya'll be easyout there and use the word ya'll at least once a day to a total stranger so that they knows they in the dirty dirty. We keeps it real around here ya know? (If not then just stopn reading now) Love peace and afro grease fro-eva!!!!!!!

Two kinds of people

There are lots of people in the world today who say things like "there are two kinds of people those who like neil diamond and those who dont" in reality that is bull shit. The way i see it there are two kinds of people and only two kinds. there are those whom i like and those whom i dont like. obviously the second category is much bigger because of all the dumbasses out there. like the dumbasses who dont like pork rinds or the dumb asses who come up with shit like the pet rock. now i know this sounds like a crazy rant, which i suppose it is, it isnt. this is a seriuos narrative bringing out the real truth behind the phrase " there are two kinds of people". It just took someone with my genius to figure it all out. and i did it in under 15 minutes. they should just make a machine that focus my brilliance on the worlds problems. i could solev global warming in 15 minutes just like when i figured out that phrase thing. i know the answer must be easy. it just has to be.
part 2
i am here all by my lonesome, the Ang came in but i convinced her to leave. thank jesus and his dad. now its all about the chillin. stupid cowboys won those lucky bastards but thats ok because they havent got a damn chance in hell of beating the patriots. my bucs lost today but at least we arent the cowboys. and good old tebow won the heisman hopefully tampa bay gets him when he comes out for the draft we could use him since jeff garcia is old as balls.
part three
well just 50 more minutes and me and arid are chillin like the villian and we are cheesin for no reason. thats that
tommy the omnipotent

Ant eaters and Meat Beaters

well, it's getting down to the minutes before i get my roll on and get outta here, and i talkin deodorant. Last night i slapped some dookey-faced bastard around for throwing a lit cigarette at me while i was sitting in my car, the cigarette was one i had just smoked and threw out because the filter is the grossest and worst part of a cigarret that u can smoke. It was fun too, he was so smashed that i only actually hit hem one time and we both ended up on the ground with him holding his face and myself waiting fot him to move.(i also had put him in a camora) Today i'm gonna get to do it big with my girl, were gonna have a real life picnic at the park today, basket blanket, and all. I hope that tonight we get to play the old school nintendo and stomp her at mario bros.3!!!! the greatest nintendo game EVER!!!!!!! But ladies and ladies men, the main focal point of my blog today is to let you know that all alone is truly all we are. The truth is painful and bittersweet, but it's the best medicine in all the world. So get naked and do the chicken dance in rememberance of what really is what. But just don't get naked in public, you could go to jail or end up raped!

As Ice Cube says Today was a good day.

Today i found some sweet pictures but i couldnt put them on the background because thats bad now. so i am going to try to put it here. ok here goes. http://www.golfclubseurope.co.uk/images/calvin.gif thats not the one i wanted but it ought to be good. now for my heisman pick- i am going with mcfadden will win as he is the best but colt brennan is on an undefeated team which helps. thats it for today short and sweet
tommy

When the Afroman walks through the white land houses go up for sale.

That is one of my favorite quotes by one of the many excellent bands in our great country, Afroman. IN college i used that line in a paper. it had no relevance to anything in my paper as it was about life on other planets. I got a b plus. tonite is a good night as i will be leaving in 1 hour and 50 minutes then the chilling will really begin. Hopefully my good buddy miguels phone is working again so we can do some drinking mano a mano. i think thats the correct phrase. i used to know how to say i have a big cat in my pants in spanish but no longer. in french it would be tu a grande chat dans ton chausettes. although chausettes might be shoes i dont really remember. stupid vices. alrighty this is the short blog to compliment the long blog. very complimentary i think
tommy

At last a good non sausage filled day at work

I enjoyed work today fully despite the fact that i didnt come in yesterday and i was supposed to. I found a super badass internet site with all kinds of goodies this is it. http://www.ancestorhunt.com/prison_search.htm cant beat it, sexual predators addresses and all. then with the addresses you can print out directions to there houses if you want. i looked up some directions to some who were chicks. shits and giggles you know. I understand my old nemesis isaiah has become done with. this pleases me but i am displeased no to be able to succeed him as bell captain. i would have made a great bell captain and i would have done away with those dumb ass shoulder pads. one day i will be able to do what i want.
i am going to find out how to get my name on the mayoral ballot for the next election. i know that otis is probably going to win because he has done many great things for savannah in his term but i like floyd better because i got to drive his car. otis was a no tipper so he parked his own car. punk ass
i have noticed that all my paragraphs start with I and it makes it sound like a talk only about me so now i will talk about something which doesnt involve me.
Juliette gordon lowe was the starter of the girl scouts. she lived in the andrew lowe house. he was here husband. she did not invent the cookies. their house is very big and nice but everything is breakabel and fragile. child are not allowed to wander in the andrew lowe house. it is in savannah ga and oglethorpe street.
General James Oglethorpe founded savannah in 1766 i think. it was his idea to do the squares. he wanted to help alleviate the tax debtors in prison problem in england so he thought up the idea to come here. or at least thats what he told the king to get money, however he only actually brought a few of those debtors here. he did wear one of those goofy wigs they wore back in the day.
And that was some stuff not about me nor involviing me.
tommy out

Chillin Hard Like Ice

Well, once again, the day is long, the money short, and i'm hungry as shit. The best part of today is everything about work was made so simplistic that i really have only done about 17 minutes of real work and that consisted of getting a glass of iced tea and chewing my oatmeal raisin cookies. I put my whole erect-a-set on cruise control, got nothing to do but wait out the clock. I got caught in one of those moments where i had to react a certain way but in my mind i was reacting just the way i wanted to, it was a beautiful thing. It involved napalm, a sheet of plastic and one of those wacky inflatable flailing arm tube men. It was cool. I hope that this chick in the lobby will come over and chat, it's so freakin quiet that i think i can hear my heart beating, -no that might be something else.
Plus she's a serious hotty. Some dirty old man came up here earlier and asked where he could find a "loose woman" and i fired back with "on the internet" and he looked like he was gonna shit a gold brick right where he stood when i said it. well 3 hours and 20 minutes to go, this has been Nikia to the j-o-n-e-z mothafuckaz, be easy, hold it down, stay black, eat your vegetables, and above all else, keep it real.

Hard knocks and long socks.

It is the 6th hour of th evening and 53 minutes past that hour. I just found out that good ol Isaiah is longer among us here at the job, goody goody gum drops. I'm missing the window in my car on the driver side front and the chill of winter is slowly slipping up upon us all. The very thought of getting out of here and away from the derangel seems sweeter by the minute that she keeps speaking to me and spouting her meaningless chatter. i need new socks too. Long warm anti-winter socks, i'm a fan of the no show ankle shit but in these pants the cold just climbs right up to my knee and makes me feel like i need to wear another pair of pants. Also i got a shot of a set of nice bobo's up close and personal when i first got here. It was the highlight of the evening, and very enlightening, took my mind right off ol Ang. But back to the point of this evening's blog. As you can see, tommy gun is not here today to contribute to the cause of the blog, i gotta blog something in his honor thats just the way it's gotta be, so here is my attempt: " Leave a message..." (I took that straight from his voice mail.) All in all though i just feel drained, darcy wrecked the motorcycle today, i gotta van damn my car out of parking garage tonight when i gets off. The best thing to happen today though, i found my shiv that i thought i lost a long time ago and my blog looks good to go. But on the lightest note of all i did some "re-con" while i was up early today and i found that i can probably skip on rent if i play my cards juuuust right.

And so sayeth the Tommy

Today is getting cold down here in the dirty. Oh our beloved dirty. What a wonderful place. It doesnt snow and its called the dirty. We do dirty things in the dirty. One of our grand pastimes is drinking beers and chilling. At my first house we built ourselves our own bar in the backyard, Scrappys, the namesake of this thing. It is called scrappys bacause we built it out of scraps from movie sets and the old shed. Scrappys is the real deal we have not only got a bar to lean on but a full fridge, cable tv, and decorations gallore. One of my favorite items of the decor is our C.A.R.C. sign. That stands for the chatham area retarded citizens. I am a proud member of carc and the imad movement. The IMAD movement is the Ivory Movement Against Discrimination. I know IMAD arent you? In summation the dirty is dirty and we do dirty things while still being involved in our community and the political processes of our government. thats the word for the day. also superfly is a word of today.

the forfeitting of raising mortal hell

today didn't start off to bad, that is until i got to my car, then every thing began to reek of shit. I open the door and from the driver seat to the passenger door and all across the dash are yard trimmings and a pile of dead leaves, compliments of the yard crew at the apartment complex where i live. But enough of the ranting, yesterday was the tightest day i've had in a long time. We went to the beach on Tybee Island and played frisbee for like 2 and half hours, the water was crazy cold but i had to jump in it as soon as we got there. The sun was as bright and shining just as much as it could be. We walked the peir and got pictures, then we watched some people fish for a while, this guy caught a sting ray and let me hold it and check it out up close, it kinda smelled funky, and it felt like a big wet slick pot holder or something. Then me and my girl went to a have a few slices and a couple of beers then we chilled with the tommy. As soon we got home we had a few more beers and spent the rest of the night testing out some new games we got for the old ps2. I also made some new acquaintances when we got home from tybee, we drank with them some too. I never can understand how one day can kick as much ass as yesterday did, then today totally suck a fat ass but cheek. I wish they'd stop with these carols up here. All in all i hope that i can get my car cleaned up again, and i hope no one decides to make all the hot wings in the freezer, i got plans for those tonight* The only thing left to say i guess is just be as easy as u can be, cause being anything else is probably hard as fuck.

end of the long day

just me and good old shep. chillin watching tv back there he is. not me oh no i have to stand here like a jackass and listen to that dumb bastard. it sounds like something good too but here i stand whilst he watches something i could be watching. but the night was slow therefore i cant complain too much more than i am now.
tommy

first day of december

today is day one in the run to christmas, which is sweet but even better than that is this new website i found www.catanna.com. it is so funny. i mean what kind of person does that. i dont want to ruin it for anyone so i wont go into details. work is going super duper slow tonite which quite frankly blows ass but i am planning on chilling out as soon as i leave in about 3 hours. no hotties in the lobby yet but you never know what can happen.
one thing i miss is shark bites. those were some good ass friut snacks. equally good as fruit by the foot but in a different way.
side thought: we need more hot lady streakers in the lobby
thats enough for the first day on the road to christmas just keep in mind my playstation 3 readers and pray for everyday like me
tommy

Fart knocking ass lost checks

Working in the morning today, luckily i only have 40 minutes left to ride or die, i got here about and hour and 12 minutes late because i had to many shots of yager with my next door neighbor. I found out that my insurance is still good till the 7th of this month which works out perfectly. I got bad news as soon as i got here though, some personal check i took has apparently disappeared into the abyss, or self destructed, or walked off or something. Yesterday kicked ass, i got into some hella good fun with a guy at the pool, we learned how to turn chlorine into napalm. Afterwards i got some free coronas, then when Darcy got home from work she took me to logans, i wanted to go give tommy a friendly yell, but he was snared at the hilton with the ang, i wept for him as soon as i found out. Today though, i was supposed to go the daytona beach but instead i got called in here this morning, so when i do get outta here i hope to go jump in the deep blue sea on tybee maybe, if not it's back to the pool. Last night (about 3 this morning really) my friend chris fixed my sound system, so i can go swim and jam the neighbor's out. Maybe they won't call the law on me this time, i had to park my car in another parking place because of those godless prick ass pee holes. It's nearing the end of the day and the weather is nice enough to get my gangsta on and go and wash and vacuum my granada. I'm leaving with deep sense of dread for what's to come for tommy and "derangel" ha! i like that. deranged angel "derangel" that's gold! Love peace and afro grease fro-eva!!!!!!!!