Swinger Magazines

At one my previous jobs i was a clerk. but now just any kind of clerk i was a movie store clerk. we also had comic books and "The Romance Section". you have to say that last part with a eerie tone in your voice. it was especially cool because i felt like i was in the movie clerks. plus we had it all. cokes (not shitty ass pepsi), movies on the tv, and free posters. also we had an array of other special things. we had figuines like wolverine and spawn, but we also had one of freddie mercury and elvis. plus we had some porn stars buttholes and poo nannys molded in rubber or something. we also had one that was a face but it didnt look like a person, or at least not a real person it was more of a sailor moon type face. either way it was a cartoon face you could put your dong in. although i think most guys buying that type of stuff would call there a little dingy. but this brings us to our main point. the swinger magazines. first off the fact that these things exist and people actually pay money for them is amazing, then you add to that the fact that people put ads in these books with all their shit hanging out. and yes of course i had the time to look at each one just for cheap laughs. i mean these magazines arent national books with people from all over the nation. oh no these are our own home grown georgia and south carolina pervs who are sitting at their homes with their cocks in their hands and all of a sudden they decide they would like a little companionship. so they go out and buy one of these magazines (probably from some other dirty store) and they look though it and anyone who looks appealing they call up and see if they want to get down. but maybe this doesnt work so they say well hell, why dont i put my picture in this here book for all the purty young ladies to gander at. so that is exactly what they do. they get out there best hat and shades and strip off everything else and start top shooting their photos. this is where i take a moment out to apologize to the poor picture makers looking at every photo that they print for a glimpse of some good nakedness bu instead get redneck with mullet naked below his eyes with his little dingy hanging out or maybe in his hand for all the world to see. but what can you say , sometimes you have to take the good with the bad. anyhow i suppose thats enough details about the swingers down here in the good old dirty dirty. but hey these are my peeps and i will defend to the death their right to photograph themselves in the nude and then put it into magazines. as long as they pictures dont make their way to my magazines.

The Bullshit

Alright then, you guys gotta know bout some bullshit in someway or another, so tonight i have decided to put some bulls shit in a not so organized list that burns me up or in just general is some bullshit all the way around.

-Fleas
-Scientology
-Fur trappers
-Neutering
-Plastic cleats
-Internet blocks
-Colored toilet paper
-Toe Jam
-Knee socks
-Navy Blue Socks
-Hoes -Fake Piercings
-Leaky Pens
-Parking meters
- Meter maids
-Bad plumbing
-Peanut butter-no jelly
-Shock treatment
-ask jeeves
-crocs (yeah those plastic ass wannabe shoes)
-replica guns
-the jews
-cornucopias
-midget porn
-crunchy peanbutter
-synthetic chocolate
-that guy from the snickers commercial(great oogly moogly)-i mean come on no one eats a candy bar so slow that they get stuck in place even if the chic on the bill board is hot enough to stare till your eyes bleed.
-rusty nails
-pink shirts (on dudes)
-the price of a bentley
-particle accelerators
-the energizer bunny
-purple peeps
-P diddys rappin
-hollow trees
-hot steering wheel
-rayon boxers (makes your pubes staticy)
-bubble gum toothpaste
-cake flavored ANYTHING (i mean just eat some fuckin cake)
-Amazon.com -blown speakers
-masking tape (what the hell does it mask, its white tape mane)
-sour milk
-guys with rattails
-honey comb
-MULLETS!!!!!!!!
-yellow jackets
-kidney stones
well guys and gals, that's all ya get, like the great Houdini says, we gotta leaves ya wanting more. So..... Keep yo groceries bags with the umbrellas, Nikia out.

The poopie

So lets face it, we all do it, and don't none of it smell good, and some are even ashamed! The duece slinging. No need to be afraid, I'm just gonna help get the mysteries solved as to what kind of duece ya slang, now don't et me wrong some of the mystery will remain, but now certain cases can be labeled if necessary. First: you hear the "plop" of victory but upon "inspecting the load" there is none but the charmin's got the chocolate stain, you my friend have just taken a phantom poopie! Now lets say you go, and the load is intact but the paper has no proof, you have just taken the disapearing poopie! (The scariest of all). Now if you go and you get the plop, and there's no load, no stain, and no smell, its the invisible poopie! Now you have the tools and the knowledge, you were born with the "know-how" so do it big, or just do't do it cousin! I gotta get up outta this piece we'll catch ya'll all on the flip side.

Leakin

Well, gals and gal pals, let me get to the vernacular first and foremost. When the phrase comes up that "so and so has good kidneys" it simply means that they are untrustworthy or just can't keep there mouth shut. The reasoning: good kidneys filter out the bad and flush it from your body, where as a loud mouth will filter out the good and spill or "leak" out all the bad. So with that outta the way, please allow me the pleasure to upload certain pertaining to a hussie with some good ass kidneys. Now the person in question is not that cool at all in any shape form or fashion what so ever. This person embarrasses herself to the point that people cringe as she opens her mouth, on top of the fact that if you are a person who has no temperament you eventually develop one dealing with this schlub. Now the reason i have enlighten you with the leakin and the cringing is that this idiot told a few folks around the job that we are an "item" so to speak, and some of you as well as EVERYBODY at the job knows, I am a happily married man. So you can only imagine the riot and the vescious laughter at the sound of such a thing. The thing I am more interested in is letting the wifey hear about it and see if she would indulge me in reciprocating on the matter. It would be a timeless moment in the life and times of the man known as Nikia jonez. (fuck yeah). any how, i'm outta this piece, ya'll keep the thrilla in manilla.

Awesome

Today folks id like to take a little time to talk about the picture at the top of the blog with the guys from star wars rocking out. probably to black betty by ramjam or maybe schools out by alice cooper. they sure do look like they are having a good time. chewbacca appears to be wailing on those drums and han surely appears to be doing some intricate guitar work. and just look at luke face, the concentration on his fingerwork. impeccable. he is probably just thinking about all the groupie ass he is going to get after the show. you know darth has got some bitches lined up. probably one of everykind even. darth knows how to play some bass. and c3po and r2d2 have got the keyboards no problem. they can even play that song from big. it surely looks awesome, just as the saying below indicates. what i wouldnt give to be there for that show.

Cruisin for a Bruisin

Well sportsfans, the time hath come to lay it down to the ground, so lets begin with the butterfingered shit ass known as Tony Romo, what the hell is that dudes problem, I'm no professional anything, but I can throw a football to the right guy, and I damn sure can hold on to one if the time comes and i think i need to take it on the chin, or just take a fuckin knee! Now that that's out of the way, let us venture just a little further into the life and times of the man some know as nikia jonez. I got a sweet DVD set in the mail and I am now the proud owner of all the godfathers, a must own amongst G's who keep it gangsta. I learned the meaning of W.O.P. from these movies as a kid, and I remember the guy who wakes up with a horse head in his bed so i got them on VHS, after a few moves it got lost and I kept it in the back of mymind as "one of those things to get" since i officially got to check it off the list, i move to the next item, my kimono, but thats another story for another time. If however you do't like the godfather, then i got this 11.5 puma to break off in your fecal dispursing unit. (yo ass) The godfather is one of francis ford coppola's best work, the second one, Deniro and Pachino, you can't go wrong with the best of the best in one flick mane. I did hear that a new movie is coming out with deNiro and Pacino, but why the wait, those fuckers should've been i gang of movies by now. Along the way of getting the trilogy of trilogies, my girl copped a volvo, a stick shift at that, its not a bad car either, it gets some good ass mileage and the clutch is one of those sweet hydraulic ones that don't go out hardly ( or at least from personal experiences they don't). The other cool thing, I got to throw down some spades at the ol hilton, rod was chilling in his sandals ( deleting image) giving the speech, giving out stuff and 20 cards at the parkers, and me and the misses schooling some poor fools on the game of spades. A wise man once said that all alone is all we are, I learned today just what he meant, its a tight ass saying for tight ass moments so to speak. Ya'll hold it down and turn the stove off.

Canoe trips and busted ankles

Whats up gang. not a whole lot has been going on lately hence the lack of typity typing. but i do have a couple of good things to tell you fine folks about. maybe a week ago my good friend B.H. got an 18 foot canoe. so we strapped it to the top of the buick and headed off to the creek to do a little rowing and let toby the dog have a good old time. and we did just that. we got in the water and did some swimming had some beers and run around on the mud banks. next time i plan to take myself a bucket and load up on some oysters. oysters sure are tasty. since then good old B.H. got into a fight in a bar and now has a busted nose and two black eyes. but as they say you shoulda seen the other guy. also i related news my good pal cracka lackin got put in the slammer although he doesnt remember why, so today we await the police report for all the good details. also the other day i managed to miss a couple of steps at my house as i was headed down to the sidewalk and i severely shredded my ankle. it is coming along well now that it doesnt look like i am walking on a grapefruit. although standing at work all day surely doesnt help. i suppose that is all for now but as you will see soon are have already seen i am going to attempt a papa smurf paint picture so keep watching and reading and you wont befall the same fate as those oh so awful non readers.

On your toes????????

Dames and dudes, lets be real, life ain't getting no easier, and it sure ain't come with no guide or owner's manual, the truth is, you gotta do what you gotta do to not just make it, but to survive. I mean Darwin said it best "survival of the fittest". I mean motherfuckers toting guns to the club, and some seem to think that when they bought their piece, they stop making guns, which is far from the truth, very fuckin far. Then you gotta be aware of those around you who aren't really all up in your piece to show you love or to share comradry. There's too many fake ass people who will adorn themselves as a G or even a wise guy and not know the first damn thing about the way shit really works. I myself have found these people the easiest to spot when the ocasion comes that they must put up or shut up and they all fall silent. Silent as sheep. Then you have people who some refer to as "posers" but i refrain as much as i can from using that particular word due to the fact that most of the time, you yourself are passing judgement by declaring them so. In my mind it seems that death has got to be easy cause life so hard, but in the meantime I'm still gonna live by death before dishonor. This has been Nikia Jone$ people, willing dealing and chilling, ya'll keep a coolie, and don't leave the keys in the ride. Peace.

The Gum Man

Hello and howdy once again fellow scraptonians. Today we are here to discuss something that was in mr jones last blog. in what may have been a typing error or maybe not he called me the gum man. i thought wow what is i was made of gum what could i do where would i go? who would i show my gumminess off to? would it be at all like an episode of the gummi bears? one of the sweetest shows ever. i think i would wear a super suit when i went out crime fighting at night. it would be yellow so the bad guys can see me real good in the dark. i would be like mr fantastic or whatever thay guy from the fantastic 4's name is. but i would smell like original flavow gum and i would be delicious. the places i would go are endless. into sewers to fight armies of ratmen. to egypt to tangle with mummies (thats a good pun right there i tell you what) i would go to islands with secret underground lairs and super villians. also i would go to paris and eat snails. i would go to the crazy countries in the far east and eat some cocks combs and pigeon eggs and lizard bbq. it would be awesome. as for who i would off to the answer is simple. women. i would do my strechy thing and they would all scream and say Ooooh and Ahhhh. also i would have a tickertape parade on my birthday. and on every other holiday i so deem fit. well gang until i have another stroke of brilliance take it slow and easy until you are ready for some action. oh yea

The Annoyance(s)

Alright fuckers, another day another dollar and all that jazz. But fear not the bloggin has begun, and they ain't shit you can do to stop it. It's like a tsunami headed for an island, its just gonna hit and fuck up a bunch of shit all at once and with no warning. (SUCKA) But there will be the focal point, the moment of truth if you will, and that moment has descended upon you as you read these very words. First, you shitty smellin non reading ass hoe faced dooky breath cake eaters, you are on the list tonight with a vengeance! Let us focus even further into the void, those non-driving ass hippies. Not using your blinker is almost the same as lying, I totally want to kick a motherfuckers ass for some punk shit like slowing the fuck for what seems to be no reason at all and at the last minute make there little turn and look back at you whenyou give them the finger like you're the one fucking up. Even more so are the panty waste cock goblins who pull out and cut you off just turn off the road to go to the store! (shit asses). I guess all in all, these cheese toast weak asses got it coming, for the non driving ass people, removal of the feet, then we'll see just how much gas and brake pedal disasters they can cause, the non readers, I got a long list of mothers ready for a good visit from yours truly and the gum man himself who will be packing that heat. (Like body heat, pants heat, momma heat) and the nastiness will be begin there of. The rest of you annoying ass crybaby douche bags, stay the fuck away from nikia jones, and the gum man, or else it will go down like a plane crash. (only in your hood or your front yard, or worse, yo momma's house). For now, you get off easy, but not that easy, so suck a dick and like it, and if you don't like Big Red, well then fuck you. Nikia out.

Its 2008 Isnt it great.

This year has been a pretty damn good year so far. things have been going good at home and at the workplace. the blog is coming on very strong and i have put lots of important things off to get done later. first what has been so good here at home? obviously it was hot and that is freaking awesome. also we had a close shave with a hurricane but it missed us and all we got was a little rain. no two days of rain and not even a sighting of the sun. just a long constant drizzle. as for the good times at the workplace, i have a new job that is awesome and in a mere 2months of working here i managed to convince them to let me work in the day time. how sweet is that? very sweet is the answer. like sugar cover in caramel. next of course is the newfound stature of the blog in the blog community. we have almost had 1000 people visit us and that is just cool. i mean who knew there were so many people out there with not a damn thing to do but look at our nonsense. although it is high quality nonsense and some of the material has morals. but mostly poo jokes and fat kid jokes and cursing. also we are almost to the 300th post. since i managed to somehow do the 100th and 200th the next is up to mr jones. i am sure he has something good cooking for it too. maybe an adventure story or maybe some pictures from paint. i have some more paintings played for yall to enjoy. next will probably be garfield. and maybe even a homegrown comic straight from my brain onto the paint game. so until then be easy on the peasy and never go japanesey.

MC Chris

Alright killas, i got a good'un as we tend to say from time to time here in the dirty dirty. If you have never heard of MC Chris then left this blog be an inspiration to you all, the song I'm petting up is one of my personal favorites. I hope you too will enjoy it you to will enjoy it to the fullest, I do every time i hear it.

Cruisin' Mos Espa in my Delorian, War's over I'm a peacetime Mandalorian. My story has stumped star wars historians Deep in debate buffet plate at Bennigans. Rhyme renegade sure to penetrate First and second defense I won't hesitate. Got a job to do Darth's the guy that delegates. Got something against Skywalker someone he really hates. I don't give a fuck. I'm after Solo For all I care he could be hiding at Yoda's dojo. Gotta make the money, credit's no good When the Jawas run the shop in your neighborhood. Think you can cook? I got a grappling hook. Let's make this quick coz I'm really booked. I'm a devious degenerate, defender of the devil, Shut down all the trash compactors on the detention level. My backpack's got jets. I'm Boba the Fett. I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt to finance my 'Vette. I chill in deep space, a mask is over my face. I deliver the prize but I still narrow my eyes Coz my time I don't like to waste. Get down. I'm a question wrapped inside an enigma, Get inside the Slave One, find your homing signal, From Endor to Hoth, Ripley to Spock, I'll find what you want, but there's gonna be a cost. Say my name is Boba Fett. I know my shit is tight. Start not acting right, you're frozen in carbonite. Got telescopic sight, flame throwers on my wrist. You still don't get the jist? Spiked boots are made to kick, Targets are made to hit. You think I give a shit? Your mama is a bitch! I'll see you in the Sarlaac pit. You just flipped my switch, integrity been dissed. You scratchin on my itch. You know I shoot the gift. Got bambinas at cantinas waitin to lick my lusty lips, So I'll let you get back inside you're little space ship, Give you a head start, coz I'm the sporting kind. Consider the starting line the sneaky smile I hide inside. Hope you have hyper drive, pray to stay alive. Don't try to slip me a five coz I never take a bribe, To the beat of a different drummer, bad ass bounty hunter, Let no man put asunder or else they be put under, As in six feet. Got an imperial fleet Backing me up. Gonna blow up any attempt to defeat. They got the Death Star, got four payments on my car, Hand it over to Hammer head at Mos Eisley bar. He used to carjack, now he's a barback Just goes to show how you can get back on the right track. As for me that's not an option, can't say that with more clarity. Me going legit would be like Jar Jar in speech therapy. My backpack's got jets. I'm Boba the Fett. I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt to finance my 'Vette. I chill in deep space, a mask is over my face. I deliver the prize but I still narrow my eyes Coz my time I don't like to waste. Get down. Slice you open like a tauntaun, faster than the Autobahn, Or a motorbike in Tron, do the deed and then I'm gone. Jaba has a hissyfit, contact Calrissian, Over a Colt, the plan unfolds, no politic is legit. Back in the day when I was a slave Living life in the fast lane like in a pod race, My mean streak tweaked I became a basket case So this space ace split that place poste haste. Took up a noble cause called the Clone Wars Coz life's not all about girls and cars, Getting fucked up in fucked up bars, See I'm not a retard or gay like DeBarge. I'm large and in charge with a face so scarred, A cold black heart that's been torn apart. The Sith wish that they had a dick so hard Coz it's long, long ago in a pussy far, far. Call me "master," coz I'm faster than Pryor on fire I no longer have to hot wire. I'm a hunter for hire with no plans to retire, And all the sucka MC's can call me "Sire"! My backpack's got jets. I'm Boba the Fett. I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt to finance my 'Vette. Well, it came out all lumped up but its a song to treasure for years to come. If you don't like it, well then fuck you. (its still all good though)

The Candy

Todays' blog was brought to you by the letter "M" and by the mind of the man I commonly refer to as the gun man himself. Lets get down to it. CANDY. My wife's addicted to it, little kids love it, and adults but it for them all. BUT- not this nigga here. You can all have that tooth ache sugar coated spastic attack causing shitty flavored kiddie crack. Candy these days is just shitty shit. I do recall a certain period of time in which i was totally into the candy thing, but it was always twizzlers and starburst. Other than that i drank pepsi and mountain dew. I tried to get into the sour patch kids and the gummy bears and the gummy worms, but to no avail, all this new candy has one thing in common: high fructose corn syrup, and sugar. The toothaches and stickiness, fuck all that shit. I'm more partial to chocolate cupcakes, and pumpkin pie, even fruit salad, or just a banana. (not to mention ice cream) But no candy, I see these suckers that go your finger and the paintbrush lollipop that you dip into the colored "powered" and paint your tounge. Back in the day we had the dum dums and we dipped them in a kool-aid package. (ghetto) Some times we got the lemon sucker in the crackly thing and dipped them in that and then there was coconut yoo-hoo. I have yet to see that anywhere anymore. The end of the blog is near. Before we get to that, lets get this straight, fuck candy, it doesn't even taste as good as the old skool stuff when it was the real deal holyfield. But all in all, the shit is bogus as hell. I gotta get the fuck up outta this piece, ya'll hold it down and keep it real, and buy some land. Nikia J is out.

Little Kids and Dirty Jokes

Well hello again and welcome once again to this edition of scrappys. Today we are here to discuss the things of childhood. and if you are where i am from it involves lots of dirty stories. nothing particularly disgusting. for example the story of the little buy who takes a shower with his dad and asks him what his thing is( we always said thing or stuff that way if anyone overheard us they didnt really know what we were talking about.) and his dad says its a limousine or a Cadillac or some kind of car and then the next night he showers with his mom and asks her what her stuff is and she says its a garage. and then later that night they are in bed and the little boy is there to and he says mommy you better watch out dads limo is headed straight for the garage. or its snake and some bushes or anything else similar to that outline. i think i first heard one of these similar stories when i was in first grade. then of course there is the notorious sand paper sally story. its at the bottom of that blog. i think i learned that one by heart by 4th grade.then of course as we all know little boys will get into things and me and my friends apparently had a knack for finding dirty magazines all over the place. inside of boats in a garage, under beds, in closets. this one time we were at my hombres house and we were looking for something, not anything dirty probably some change for some food. anyhow my friend has got his hand up at the top of my other friends brothers closet and all of a sudden he yells" whoa!" and we ask what happened and he said" i touched something that felt funny" so of course at this point we couldnt let it go until we knew what it was. so somehow we manage to get it down and do you know what it was? a pocket pussy. although i will never know why it was called that as it wouldnt fit in your pocket. anyhow this thing was all long and skin colored and made of some crazy rubber. we made fun of his brother for days. of course he denied it was his or that he had ever used it. well gang i know that was an odd one but very necessary in understanding the mind of a Tommy. until next time keep pondering what you're pondering and next time ill have my plan to take over the world.

Doing it corporate style

Welcome back dudes and dudettes today i dont have much excitement to tell you about. i have had the good fortunes to come back to work only to discover that the owners son is now one of my bosses. and what that means is that he is a spy and he is watching everything we do so he can run and go tell daddy. but thats ok with me because nno one likes him and no one ever talks to him, and he is cock eyed and goofy looking. plus he is a dork. but not only that but we are going to be undergoing corporate training. yes thats right i get to sit in a room and let someone tell me about all the minute, unneeded details of my job and then when i do them the way they want i am given a prize. much as you would give a treat to a dog. i think we are getting candy though not dog treats. lucky for me this ploy wont work on me as i dont like candy. dont get me wrong i do like it, or at least some kinds, but i liked it too much when i was little and now it just hurts too damn much to eat it. thus i just tell people i dont like it rather than explaining all that. although now that i think about it when i tell peopel that i dont like candy they always, wiothout fail, ask why. but what the hell are you going to do. anyhow the job is going slow as we have all these hurricanes and tropical storms headed our way. so that is nice but they are scheduling us by our lonesomes thus i dont have anything to do but look at myself and look at the internet. and the internet is big but its full of shitty ass shit. so to finish todays blog i am going to draw a nice picture for yall. although by the time you get this far down you will already have seen my picture because i dont know how to make my pictures go under the words. so thats that. hope yall enjoyed my artistry. this is where i got the picture i copied.

What If I Ruled the World?

Today gang we have an interesting topic to dwell on. what if i really did rule the world? what would be different? what would be the same? these are very good questions but what about where would i live at? i think i would live in brazil or guadaloupe. it would be nice i could have monkeys and stuff. plus i would make my minions build me a castle. it would be big and scary looking. i would also have an island home that looks like a skull with a secret underwater entrance. why? because i make the rules when i rule the world. also there will be more boobs. now as for what would be different from now, i think i with start with hooters. they need to change the shorts to something else. i dont know exactly what i dont like about them but i dont like it. next i would change the way elections work around here. first off there wouldnt be any because i am the king, or maybe you will call em the emperor. i suppose i could just make up a new title. like the presidonto. i like how that sounds. the presidonto it shall be. and if you snicker at my title i will take your ears. also that will become a more common type of punishment. it you steal we take your ears, if you spit on the ground in public we dont. that sounds like a good method to making the rules of the world. which will be called tommyland from now on. so what will be the same in tommyland as it is now. for starters, i wont change all of the road names. although each city will be given a Thomas C Sandford Blvd so as i can match what dr king already has. also city names will remain the same except for my city and island which will be called Tommyville and Skull Island. another thing that will remain the same is that some people will still be poor and some will still be rich. but the snotty rich people will have to do the shittiest jobs like portopotty clean up, picking up dog shit. i never do that. i just let it lay where it falls. but thats another story. as for what i would do each day and to whom it is to wild to actually type so just imagine what you would do if you could do literally anything and that maybe somewhat what i would do. alrighty then gang until next time just remember that i am the real presidonto around here and all the rest of you can just eat it.

Going Ghetto

Alright alright. This one has been a blog all up in the making ya'll. So let me start at the beginning, and when i come to the end, I'll stop. First, Ghetto, not ghetto fabulous, not ghetto-licious, just straight up, jeri-curl, feed ya dog on a peice of cardboard, never lock ya door GHETTO. When certain situations arise and no alternative exist except for acting ri-goddamn-diculous, you have officially gone ghetto. When i first arrived in the seaport, i had all 4 hubcaps on my 81, one day upon getting into my G-ride, i notice that i'm short one hubcap, the only reason no one was permanently incapacitated was because there was no one there to go ghetto on for snatching up one of my old skool hubcaps. But this particular occasion is one of many in which you would pertain to the behavior of the ghetto itself. The best case of going ghetto that i myself experienced first hand goes as follows: Its me, and 2 amigos, we begin our usual routine with a salad and a few cold ones, the next thing we turn up some G-funk and get down with the getdown. The guy that lives next to my homies pad gets a little "upset" at the fact that it's going down like a plane crash in our piece and he wasn't on the guest list (not that there was one to be on ya feel me?) Well, peep this, that shit ass decides that the best way to get the better of us is to nigga knock on all the windows and the doors to the point we gotta cut the music down and wait to find out what the hell is going on outside. One of my compadres informs me that he's going around one side of the crib with his handydandy machete, and that i should do the same with his fancy chrome tire-iron. So we deploy on opposite sides of the house and i hear "he's coming around to you!" so i set myself around the last corner i was to turn on and swap my beer to the left and put the tire iron in my right and get in the best position to knock the shit outta who ever the fuck was headed my way, and to my surprise, there's the poor lonely ass neighbor guy, with a paniced look on his face and no where to run but through the woods, but at 11pm in glennville, the last place you wanna dip to is the goddamn trees. So i suggest he get on with the spill on knocking on the windows and he looks at me like I'm stupid, then he sees the tire-iron and understands the purpose of me and my comrade approaching from the rear with the machete, i decide right then that the only thing left to do is go ghetto on this bitch ass hoe nigga. How? I broke my beer bottle on the corner of the house and asked if wanted cuts, or bruises, and my newly arrived homies suggests both, we then break oput into a sprint behind this prick informing him on how well his mom gives fellatio and the best way to get her to give us her paycheck so to speak. The guy stops once the insults involve his dear ol mom, and we procede to deliver an em-bare-assing-wedgie, followed by an even more embarrassing cram of socks and dirt to the grill. (They were his own socks to) then we take his shoes and tie the laces together and pitch them over the powerline. (Priceless, simply priceless*)For now yous guys i gotta get loco's on the horn and get me one of those cubans. Enjoi Mountain Dew, and keep the A/C up, you know it's hot out in this bitch. Nikia Jonez out.

My Dream Car

Good day once again folks, here we are blogging early on in the day. the sun is out and it is getting steamy outside. but we arent here to talk about the weather today. oh no we are talking about my dream car. or at least how i could turn my current car into an awesome car. but in order to fully know what the dream car will look like you have to understand how it looks now. i have a 1994 buick le sabre. it is light blue but the hood and right fender are primer black from a collision with a very unfortunate deer. it was a quick death though. so this is what it looks like but with the black hood and fender. if i had unlimited money the first thing i would do is black out my windows. kind of like those but much darker. then i would paint it dark blue so as to look more official. then i would jack it up. and finally i would put some big old mudders on it. that way we could go mudding and not worry about the leather seats getting all muddy. also we could still go through most drive thrus since it wont be so tall like a truck would. and finally the best part of all is the truck balls on the back. hell fucking yea. anyhow thats my dream. whats yours? until next time remember x to the z and you might get your car pimped and some balls to go with it. yall be easy now, ya hear.