I failed alot in high school, now its someone elses turn

i was gonna do another one from the list today but i think this has been a long time coming. enjoy!

Well hello to you

I havent seen you around here much. My name is Tommy, Tommy Sandford. yes, yes it sure is hot outside. but not quite so hot as yourself. may i buy you a drink? a margarita eh? very spicy. bartender, dos margaritas por favor. so, do you come here often? me, oh no i dont really drink all that much. yes the music selection here is better than at most places. to be honest with you though, i come here for the scenery. of course i dont mean the brick walls and ashtrays. i am talking about the ladies, like yourself, who occupy this establishment. yes, flattery is a skill of mine. i like to think that people enjoy it. you do? ah yes, thank you bartender. here you are m'lady. one margarita for you and one for me. mmmmm. yes they truly are very good. you almost cant taste the mixer. so, do you enjoy tequila always or only when you come to scrappys? oh yes me also, anytime i can get it. but i think it is especially nice oh a hot day. yes, i agree, at the beach is an excellent place for the margaritas. do you enjoy going to our local beach? oh yes the water is a shitty brown color and it is full of jelly fish at times. but the sand is nice where it isnt black from the asphalt dont you think? well i suppose you are right there are many better beaches. me? i generally just wear a pair of shorts, what do you wear to the beach? oooh, you silly, sexy thing! we may be going to the beach soon. but what about tan lines dont strings still give you those? oh i see its all about how small they are. very interesting. oh you have some pictures, of your friends from college? great. uh, yea id love to see them. oh wow there is you doing a keg stand in a skirt, kinky. and here is you with a whole bunch of dudes doing a beer bong, very suggestive. now this one is nice, who is that girl you are kissing there? that is your girlfriend? do you mean like your friend who is a girl or like your girlfriend who you exclusively see? oh i see. well then that'll be 8 dollars for that margarita then and i'll see you maybe another time. oh yes, i have to go know. i have, uh, something to do. what kind of something? uh, a prior uh, engagement uh, with one of my buddies. we are uh, going to help him move to his new apartment. yea thats right at 9:30 at night. oh yea we always go and drink before heavy lifting. yea its good for the soul. alrighty then debbie, you take it easy. and tell your uh, lady friend i said hello. i guess.

Anal retentive shitasses

If you can't stand being wrong to the point that you can't monster up to the facts, you may be an asshole. If you check in at 3 when check in at your hotel of choice is 4 and you decide to tell the manger what shitty establishment you own just for the sake of saying something shitty, you are most likely an asshole. If the most annoying thing in the world to you is relaxing so you have to shit up someone else's chill session, then you prolly a fuck head ass hole. If you can't slice a pie cause you want the whole thing, then you are, definetly a sifiluss infected cum bubble of an asshole munching shit faced fuckheaded dickless peice of shit. That could be chuck norris's pie, and if that is the case, you are a pretty dead ass hole. That, would kick ass. I myself would like to have an asshole kicking contest, my tag team partnas would have to be ol chuck, the gun man himself, and kimbo slice, and if he was available, batman. You motherfuckin assholes. Logan Mackeveli Villalobos is a good ass dog, if you hate him for that, then you are mostl likely an asshole the size of that of the Hulk. This has been Nikia at night, ya'll sleep well.

The List Hath Risen

So today i was sitting at my house and i had probably 3 or 4 awesome blog ideas in like 10 minutes. and since i dont have a computer at home there was no way to act on my wish to blog it up. so i remembered my awesome idea from past blogs where i mentioned that i would have to get a notepad and write some of my blog ideas down. and that is just what i did except its not a notepad, just a sheet of paper. same difference.( i have always hated that expression) but with out further ado and with no more shenanigans i will commence the preview of what is to come from the next 3 or 4 or maybe even 5 blogs. who knows how things will go down.

blog idea 1. The first blog, which i will be doing tommorrow will be the kind of blog that reels in the readers. like bees to honey, like flies to shit, like things which like stuff going to stuff. it will be pretty amazing. so make sure to tune in tommorrow at some point if you are reqading this so as you can catch all the action. but dont sit too close to your computer because things could get messy.

blog idea 2. This will be a preview of a blog which will go down in approximately 50 blogs. it will contain fortunes and things to tell you what will be happening when the blog actually coms into being. this one will be interesting so make sure you catch this one. or your very life may blow.

blog idea 3. we all know about the rampant and unabating love of my first "Are you aware of the Blackness?" blog. it was surely a sight to behold. so this idea is a sequel. it will be ok doing it before black awareness month. although its kind of odd how they call it black awareness month. its almost like drug awareness. isnt that what the A stands for in D.A.R.E.

blog idea numero 4. i am going to point out some shitty blogs and tell you just why it is that they suck. i will give you one example now just to give you a little taste so you will have to come back for more, much more. one of my most disliked types of blogs are the ones that arent in english. i mean how am i supposed to read them? they need to fix that. also this blog will have some of the other blogs i have seen which are sweet. and as usual i will tell you about how cool our blog is and then i will give examples of the awesome stuff we have that others dont.

blog idear 5. this is the last idea but it may be the best. although the enticement blog will be pretty good too, this is going to be yet another one of my adventure stories. i dont want to give to much away but i will gove you the title. it will be called "And then I blunk" it will pretty much be the coolest story to date. also there will be mud monsters or gingers. that picture is just too good.

so i guess you could say that this is a prequel. although this is a prequel that comes before the actual thing. it may be the first prequel of its kind. you all are lucky people to be in the presence of such a rare prequel, and we are glad that you are happy about it. until next time take it easy and watch you kneesies.

The Ultimate Day.

First off i would like to point out to all that i have perfect timing. when i logged on to the blog there had been 666 visits to our site. pretty spiffy huh? but anyhow i thought the ultimate warrior would be a good image to start off such an awesomely ultimate blog. this particular image is extra ultimate as you can see that the ultimate warrior has a picture of himself, the ultimate warrior, on his suit. i guess you would call it a suit. luckily it coyly hides what would be his wedding tackle. that also might just be a side effect of lots of steroids. but who knows. anyhow i can hear you all now clamoring as to why today was so ultimate as that we needed the ultimate warrior. the answer is simple and if you are an avid reader of the blog who checks every hour on the hour to see if we have posted anything new, which i am sure you all are, then you would have read my comrades previous post. the feast is what all the hubbub is about. it was magnificent. we had food, and we ate it and it was really good. i ate a pretty hefty bit but then i got full and the itis was starting to set in. we had high quality company to chat with as well which sometimes can make the food better. but with food this good it was just icing on the doughnut. the only thing that could have possibly made it more ultimate would have been if i didnt have to go to work after the feast. but as we all know, or if you dont you will, we all must do what we must. and that generally means that you have to go to work and then with the money that you make you have to give it to other people. its a vicious cycle but it seems to be working pretty well. i just wish my job was something more along the lines of paper weight. you know i could just hold stuff down. i have found in my day that holding couches on the floor is something i am good at. also i have skills to pay the bills in the way of holding walls up from falling over. so if you need someone to either hold up your walls or make sure your couch/chair/lounger/very soft carpet dont get away from you then let me know and i will come and handle that business for you with the quickness. if we were in france i would say something like tout suit. alrighty then yall take it easy and as always be easy on your peasy.

The Motha Fuckin Feast

Niggas and niggetts, it's fucking on, as i type these words to you there are massive amounts of stove top miracles in the works. We got tamales ready to be steamed, caldo at a hard boil and were a few relaxing moments away from the old salsa tomatillo. It's a good day to be alive in the life and times of nikia jones. In a just a little while the feast of feast will be well in sway. No haters, no donkey faced shit bag wearing non readers or jaggers in sight. I haven't ate since yesterday just to be able to get my grub on with a goddamn vengeance. The ol pete has got a tray of burgers marinating for the grill too, the bounds of the imagination are the limit to the amount of eating there will be, oh yes, there will be eating. With the hands, silver wear, the feet, but mainly with the mouth. Either there will be eating or a lot of people will be getting their mouths pried open and forc fed a great deal of deliciousness. This is Nikia to the J ladies and gentlemen, and if you ain't down for the feast like for flat tires on a rainy sunday with no spare, and they done jacked ya hubcaps and busted ya windsheild... Well then fuck you.

The Two Hundredth Post

What an honor has been bestowed upon me, the 200th post. We all knew it was coming, some of you may have doubted if it would have been this good of a ride but you knew it was coming. So to give this post the gloriousness it deserves we are going to talk about something that all of have but still want. Money. who doesnt want it? i know i do. i would take some right now. but why do we want it? the real reason is that it makes life easier. and people as a species like shit to be easy. we want stuff to be handed to us. sure many of you think you are badasses and living the sweet and easy life will turn you into a pansy, which it probably will. but you still yearn for it. if you had money you could buy that sweet car you always wanted and fix it up so it isnt just a nice looking car that runs shitty. you could buy all the materials to build the sweetest tree fort ever and because of your money you will have the time to build it. you could buy the pony you daddy never bought you when you were little. nearly everything can be attained with more money. of course there are some things which cant be bought, but those are things for deep minds and this post isnt about that. its about the absolute and ultimate financial situations and what one truly would do. i am sure, or least i hope, that most of you have seen office space. it is an awesome movie about shit that sucks and how you can deal with it. if you havent go get it and watch it now. hopefully you all remember the part where peter is sitting there asking lawrence, the neighbor, what he would do with one million dollars. and of course to my ever lasting glee he says" I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man. " which of course would be sweet. although in certain situations that could be extremely terrible. but then after a bit more talking lawrence asks peter what he would do and he says that he would do nothing. just sit around all day and do nothing. then comes the best part. lawrence says "Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin: he's broke, don't do shit." isnt that awesome. but thats the point we are trying to get at today. ultimatley the goal is to not HAVE to do anything. like if i was so rich all my bills were paid three months in advance i would probably relax and just watch tv for the first few months. but then you could go out and start blowing money on shit and on your friends and this is what brings the ultimate joy. making youself and others happy. and there you have it the ultimate of the ultimates. well gang i hope you learned something important about yourselves today and if you didnt then more power to you. until next time remeber that this is a Spice World and we are all just living in it. be easy on the peasy

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This is who it's for.

I've felt from the very beginning of life that i wanted to do something for all the people who get no props for there coolness and integrity. The people who get the shit end of the stick without deserving it and don't bitch the fuck when they just gotta take one on the chin. For them niggas doing hard time, with no t.v. or family on the outside that give a fuck. For the gangstas out there ready and willing to ride or die just to hit another lick on that street grind. Much love to them niggas in G-ville, C-town, and the Not-fit. (tifton spelled backwards) To my family who still can't scratch the surface but at least know how a nigga had to roll up in the world to eat right and pay them house notes. To the niggas hiding out and smoking up, waiting for the winter time when all the steady pay comes into play. To Mrs. Linda Tuthill, the coolest of the cool, and the most inspiring of all teachers any one could have. To them niggas and brothers from my piece up in afganistan and iraq doing what they gotta do to make there dreams come true. To trumptight Tommy, doing the damn thang. To all my people in the homeland sneaking by and dodging the migra at every turn. There's not too much left for me to say, i just long for what i lost and thought i'd give a shout out to the niggas in this piece keeping it real and holdin it down, and to them homies out there that i can't roll up on and show love too. Be you. Nikia j up and out.

The small world we live in,

Damn, how to start. Today i was off work so i chilled a whole lot, i slept in and started drinking at about 1 or 2 o'clock. One of my good friends hits me up on the celly to get a jar of jelly, i walk over to his house and a freind of his from his job is there and who should he be but an old chum from Tifton back in the day. I knew him because of my old pal Tommy, (yeah a tommy in tifton, just like in savannah, what are the odds) this guy is good people, i learned alot of what i know about cars from him and he always helped me fix the granada. I ask Brian right away about tommy and leslie and come to find out their right here un the seaport. The first thing that i do is get them over to the crib and outta the hotel and then plan few things with the feast and of course catch up. Life was good today, i really still feel like i dreaming this, so i had to blog it up so that i could keep it all track tommorow. Ya'll walk lightly and carry a big stick.

Me, The Hilton, and the Shenkster.

Today is dad's day ya know. This by far has to be one of the coolest days of my life thus far. I had tacos de barbacoa with my dad, then he helped me with the new house search, after that we went to sam's and bought all the flavors of Gatorade in existence. So far here at the job, laid back like maybac. The shenkster has that edge to her whole persona due to the fact that i get to scoot out a little early and she has the long haul tonite. Good stuff. Tonight my homie glenn is gonna ride or die with me and a deck of cards a til the sun starts shining. Logan, has not even as so much as looked at me crooked and gave me a face full of puppy lovings just before i had to go do it big with dads. Why even Ferdinand gave up the kitchen so that i could do some real cooking, then the feast and all it's glory is right upon us, i can't hardly fucking wait. The only thing left on my to do list for the day is to make sweet love to my old lady, then the night is mine. On the flip side of all this goodness, the only thing that will suck would have to be this sudden rush of rain, at least it should cool down the heat from street. I'd like to leave you all with a fond saying that i have held close to where it counts the most, " chinga tu madre" interpret that and you're in for a good laugh. Eat right, and smoke slow ya'll, nikia to the j on his way. PEACE

DRINKING, It's not so bad

Well hullo again laddies and lasses. today we will be talking about something near and dear to my heart and most likely yours as well, drinking. and i am not just talking about juice and milk and sweet tea. oh no we are talking about booze, the hard stuff, the sauce, hooch, brew, libations, spirits, jiggers, and intoxicants. in short the stuff you drink that gets you fucked up. where does this idea come from i am sure you are asking yourselves this very minute.(notice how i say yourselves, this is because i know that there are many people gathered around you so that they too can enjoy scrappys) well it came from one of the best tv shows ever made. it is called Lucky Louie and it stars Louis C. K. it is super cool. check it out. so why do so many people think beer and stuff is bad? the answer is really simple, they must not be drinkers, or are not currently drinking. and that can be annoying. thats kind of the problem with having a DD. being around drunk people is cool, but only if you are also drunk. otherwise it just makes you realize how annoying people are when they are drunk. thats why i think rather than suggesting people get DD's they should make a law where if you can blow a .19 blood alcohol level then you should get a free cab home. then it would be like a contest to see who could get there the fastest. it would be win win. the bar owners would sell a whole shit load of beer because there arent a bunch of non drinking assholes filling up the bar. and they could hook up the cab drivers with some of their extra money to do the free taxi service. but there would definitely have to be a steep fine for puking in the taxi when you are getting a free ride. well gang i have run out of steam for tonite. but if you would like to see just what a bunch of pansies all the stupid scad kids are check out there bitchy Rant and Raves from our hometown craigslist. until next time remember that you have to eat you meat before you get any pudding. how can you eat your pudding if you havent eaten your meat?

The Unforseen

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An unfortunate happening

Today i proved that sometimes bad things do happen to good people. actually lately it seems as though i have been proving it everyday. but as for todays experiment in proving the theory. i got home from work at 7 am as usual after letting my lady friend borrow my phone over night since hers was left at her moms. i take toby out for his usual walk and then i return inside to get my phone so it doesnt ring while she is sleeping and wake her up. as i am waking out of our dark room i notice that my phone is about to die so i head back in for my charger. after i get it i head for the nearest outlet so i can plug it in. only when i try to plug my phone into the plug to charge nothing happens. some of the outlets in our house dont work so i try i few more. then i think maybe i am using all bad ones and i plug in something i know will turn on if the plug is good. it works fine. now i am shit out of luck because i dont know whether it is a problem with my crummy phone or it is with my charger. and i am getting tired and dont want to deal with all this shit. so i just say fuck it and go to sleep. the problem with this is that i wake up around 7pm and my phone place isnt open anymore and i have to wait until tommorrow. but the bastard doesnt open until 10 i think and even then i have to go up there hunt down a parking place and then go and talk to the guy who owns the phone place. and he is really weird. he remembered me and my girlfriend the last time we were in there. and we hadnt been in there since i got the stupid phone a year and a half before. some might call that really super duper smart. i call it fucking weird. sure it might be sweet to remember stuff like that but you dont have to weird people out with it. but anyways i have to go in there and talk to him and the whole while he is doing his phone thing i think that he doesnt know what the fuck he is doing. he just pulls out all this crap and then mixes and matches stuff. when i first got the phone he was testing it by calling it to see if it would ring and he totally called himself. i dont remember what his song on his phone was but it was real shitty. like dont go chasing waterfalls, or one of those songs by salt and peppa. this is a white guy by the way, probably like 35. i have seen his lady friend before when they came into my movie store. i thought she was this lesbian lady who would always come in and ask about the vibraters and dildoes. she would always ask the new guys to see if they would squirm. it was funny. we had this one dildo called the american dream or the american challenge (there is some dispute about the name) it was the only thing you could clearly make out in the security camera in the "romance" section. and this was a tv that was maybe 12 inches. this dildo was big. one of my friends sold it one day and i my first question was" was she a sexy lady?". my friend said "no HE wasnt that good looking, a bit portly" the things you see and hear in a movie/dirty movie store are always astounding. when i got hired to work there i was forced to go in the romance section and see if it was disturbing. apparently my boss had more than a few workers walk out because they couldnt deal with the porn/porn lovers. we had a doll in the back. you a sex doll. but it was just the head. but not a person head, this was like an anime head. not that exact head but pretty close. no one bought it while i was there though. plus we had the swingers magazines. if you have never seen one of these for yourself check it out. ours were all from the south so you know that only classy folks were in them. there was this one guy who had a bunch of ads, all of them with his small penis showing and his mullet blowing in the wind. there was this other one with this old man. we all thought it was the best one of all. he had two pictures of himself- one of him in a tuxedo looking all sharp and ready for a night on the town-- and the other was of course him just standing there naked. you have to respect a man who puts a nice picture next to his naked picture in a swinger magazine. in all honesty if you put your face in there you are pretty upstanding. the thing most of the guys did was just take a picture of their dick. who wants to see that? no one thats who. as for the women they were surely not models. more like that lady in whose eating gilbert grape, straining there massive arms around there guts to spread there ridiculously hairy snatches. if i had seen those on my first day i may have quit but weeks of gay, tranny, dykes, and regular porn had softened me up by then and it was all just something to laugh at. and thats the kind of guy i am now. well gang that was informative but i must be off now as i am getting hungry and i can hear the english muffins begging for me to give it to them, and give it to them hard.

The Squint Off

Two of the greatest super crime fighters ever are chuck norris and steven seagal. they each have their upsides and of course neither have a down side so how could they ever be beaten. first i would like to start out with their similarities. they both have got a mean squint face. both of them have or had at one point, a hardcore black guy partner. they both know how to play the guitar, and play it well. they are both masters of karate and the other forms of martial arts. now for there awesome differences. chuck norris was in a comic book about chuck norris. steven seagal loves carrot top. chuck norris fought mr. t. steven seagal emotes particularly well. chuck norris once owned a cat. steven seagal hangs out with ja rule, dmx, and that fat guy from malibus most wanted. and we all know just how bad that was. chuck norris has a million lists of chuck norris facts about his own personal badassness. my personal favorite will always be--chuck norris does not sleep, he waits--and my number two--chuck norris has two speeds walk, and kill--. steven seagal also has some facts. i like how the little picture next to the site name is a little pile of poo. they are all pretty good but my favorite will have to be--steven seagals penis knows aikido, but cant have an erection--number two will be--if a diet was a person, steven seagal would kill it. much meaner than the chuck norris jokes i do think. well folks there you have it. chuck norris seems to have one the squint off in a big fashion. but thats ok because steven seagal came in second and i am sure he will be satisfied with that. until next time campers watch out of for the creepity crawlies and keep those sleeping bags tucked snug.

Slicing that pie.

Well, after a full week of no nookie, my lady is back and the life and times of the man known as nikia jonez can resume there normality, (whatever little bit it may have had). The topic of the blog tonight? Midgets, Mountain Dew, and hand sanitizer. Maybe not in that order, i'll just start at the beginning, and when i come to the end, a screeching halt. First things first, hand sanitizer, why? What was wrong with gojo? It smells great, it gets the grittiest of the grit, and the greasiest of grease fr upon your skin, but no, some disgruntled (chick? probably) who either A. thought that it was unfair for just guys too have an instant hand cleaner, or a serious germaphobe. I have even read where people put that shit up there noses to keep from breathing in anything that may make them ill. I loooooooovvvvvvvveeeeeeee to turn down those fuckers when they whip out there little travel sized bottles and try to offer me that stuff. I usually turn it down with the reply of "nah i got strong immunity." *good stuff* Midgets, let me start at the beginning of this one, the first time i ever heard some one rip on midgets, it just so happened to be my grandmother, and what she said was funny as hell! We were watching these two midget twins who were entrepreneurs talk about this plan for helping the poor afford housing in the future. Well, i noticed my grandma kinda scrinching her eyes up and staring real hard at the screen, then she says it, " do you see how those midgets asses are kinda hiked up in the back?" I really wasn't ready for the next thing she said; " I bet when they take a shit it sprays all over the back of the toilet seat." I laughed at that for at least a good half hour. My thing about midgets is just curiosity, do they shop in the kids section, or is there a midgets apparel store just for the wee ones? I bet they can't drink a lot of liquor at all, or ride super awesome fast roller coasters. Plus, what about midget athletes? I can't recall ever seeing an athlete that was or is a midget. Then of course, who can forget about that midget porn? I don't watch it myself, i have seen a few scenes though but no matter what i saw, it just seemed........ TRAGIC. (really) Last, but certainly not least, that motha fuckin mountain dew man. That is my absolute favorite soda. But, that shit is so bad for you, it fucks with your kidneys, it has ass loads of bad sugars and lots of caffeine. ( FUCK LOADS OF CAFFEINE) I still love drinking the hell out of it though, even when i'm not trying to drink sodas, if i get thirsty the first thing i wanna reach for is the green bottle of heavenly sweetness. I wonder where in the hell the name for that shit came from. I gotta google that one, and to all the readers, if you know of a store where to but a fuckin cool kick ass mountain dew shirt leave it in a comment so that i can try and find one down here in the sea port. This has been Nikia Jones, now signing off, sleep soundly, PEACE....

Dat funky shit

Fellow bloggers, allow me to inform you all right now that Patrone is not your friend! The shit will get you drunk, numb your senses, and then leave you dry, hung over, and totally miserable. I happened to end up at the taco stand this morning for breakfast and the only reason i am even functioning is because they had menudo!!!! (A hangover's arch enemy, and worst fucking nightmare) You see, back in the day of tilling the land with your trusty horse, and pumping your water outta the ground by hand, no part of an animal was discarded, at all. Some still practice this, including my dear old grandmother, when she came from mexico i gained at least 15 pounds. Home made tortillas, real gorditas made from scratch. She made the most bad ass menudo ever! Real menudo is red, and it has hominy and beef tripe, but the spices that you add and the time it takes to cook, its the best shit around the block. Then there's caldo, that shit is my absolute favorite, but there'll be no discussing that. Caldo stays on the low. Anyhow, Patrone is fun to drink, it'll have standing side ways and shit, but, that shit is liquid death. My guts burn and my head is clear but with that little hint of a dull headache, and the feeling that i'm never gonna stop being this thirsty. But that menudo, it hit that shit right where it was hurting. (all over) and for now i'm pretty straight, hopefully i won't have no kinda relapse back into the sinister hungover phase. The direction of this blog was more at the food, but i had to throw that warning about the patrone up in this peice, that shit will fuckin kill you. Mexican food rules! (so eat it) Nikia to the J out, ya'll hold it down.

So sayeth the flock

Well gang tonite was a weird one but there is hope for the future. First off i am going to get more money from the job that a nicely placed sentence by myself sparked some research and that resulted in the mulla. thats one of those words that people say but never spell--mulla, thats how i spell it anyway. also i am very possibly going to be switching to a day shift position soon which will be nice. i dont enjoy being opposite everyone else. this is not like opposite day in any way. nor is it cool like switching the i's with o's in mississippi and saying mossossoppo. i really like saying mossossoppo, it just sounds nice. but we arent here to talk about mossossoppo as much as we would like to. tonite we are discussing how it is to live in a town that is on most days at least 40% tourists. in a nutshell it sucks. tourists are annoying. at least you people up north have tourists from the south who are polite. down here we get all you rude bastards from the north. and fucking foreign people learn how to god damn tip. you punks are just lucky that i dont wait tables because if you left me 50 cents on a 50 dollars tab i would chase you down in the middle of crowded city market and make a fucking scene like you wouldnt believe. you would have to leave savannah because everywhere you went people would be whispering that you were those fucking assholes who couldnt scrounge up more than 50 fucking cents for a tip. you people can just eat some shit and die. i am getting myself all worked up just talking/thinking about it now. but you cunts shant ruin my good mood. another thing about living in a tourist town is that people always ask you where you are from, and here if you are young they ask if you go to scad. generally when asked where i am from i say i am from here. then whoever asks looks at me like i just said that the sun is hurtling towards earth and we are all about to die. then sometimes you get the follow up question-- but where do you live at? and finally--where do you go to school?. frankly this always pisses me off but i am generally a polite person, also when i am drunken i am hard to understand so when i curse them for their stupid questions they dont know. however the correct response to these questions is that i live in a god damn house. and of course down here in georgia we only go to school till we are 12 and we dont spell school with a c. oh no my school had a big red sign that red SHOOL. stupid bastards. now lets get to the constant asking about scad. firstly scad is where i live at downtown. yes young folks do go there. yes i am young. but not all young people go to scad, because if they did there would be alot of worthless fucks out there who can do nothing but paint shitty paintings and make boring fucking movies with no god damn point. oh yea and now one of the scad big wigs daughters goes to scad but she likes horse back riding. thus they decided to have an equestrian arts program. what i wouldnt have given to be at that meeting. also scad folks wear weird stuff for the most part. there are even restaurants here where i swear you have to look as strange as possible to work there. sakuras on broughton and saigon also on broughton to name 2. if you ever go i guarantee you will agree with me. plus sakura employs the land lady from the kung fu hustle. thats a sweet movie by the way. alrighty then gang i think that that is enough ranting and raving for one day. so until next time yall watch out for the tourists and northerners. they will annoy you until they can see they are doing so and then continue to do so until you point it out to them.

Forceably insert it into your rectum

Aight killers and drug dealers, let us voyage into the depths of this thing known as the hilton. Today, i had to come in early, then, i had to check the folks in AND play the part of the bellman. It was pretty cool, 60 bucks worth of coolness to be exact and on track!!!! It's hot as balls at the front so that much is still blowing dogs for quarters. Then there's the jayfer, he left early yesterday to "treat his old lady" so today he gets to do it again? What the fuck is that? But lets get down to brass tax, ya boy got to stick it to tha man! The day before yesterday i get this call, a bunch of my homies from ol Glennville were being held in custody by the man, knowing that nasty Nikia Jones is the Johnny Cochran of the ghetto, and bi-lingual, it was time to get down with the getting down. So i drives this brand spanking new Tundra (which kicks major fucking ass on the highway) to Atlanta and walk into the sherriffs depoartment and ask for the 8 mexicans that were locked up a few weeks back, they ask for the bread, and my only response is that they have served there week and there for no bail was required, i got a number of looks and even a few glares, especially from this one guy who will be addressed a little further in our venturous tale. They bring out seven of the dudes and all appears to be in order, but then i ask for osiel, the last of the migos, i get this lame ass story about how he can't get out until tomorrow and that unless we had the 1,900 in cash for his bail he wasn't going to go anywhere, a few phone calls later and the word of a good ass lawyer we were well on our way to the promised land, (you know home) the worse part was having the drive the entire way with no sleep, and getting back to the hilton for a 2pm meeting. But as fortune would have it, i was over an hour late and missed out on the enlightening info from the ralston. All in all today is kicking alot of ass, Big Boi of Outkast is inhouse tonight and if the night plays out just right, i'll get to meet the man in person! For now ya'll be trill, chill, and ready to kill. Nikia to the j on his way. PEACE!!!!

The Day of Righteousnous

So today was really awesome. I got my car back and everything works. i even have the ac again. i got a new hood and fender and grill. the le sabre is looking mighty respectable again. now all old betty needs is an oil change and she will be good to go. and that is planned for today. also it didnt even cost as much as they said it was going to so thats sweet too. well i guess that was the best thing that happened now that i think about it but it was so good. now i dont have to walk everywhere anymore. if there is one thing i hate its walking. i would much rather drive everyday of the week then walk. i just wish gas wasnt so damn expensive. to our daily readers who are leaders in opec--come on, hook us up with some cheap gas down here. fuck the folks in other places but at least here in savannah give us some relief. cant we go back to how it was in 1994 when gas was right around a dollar fifty. back before cigarettes got so expensive some places that people had to quit. back before it became not cool to walk around at night by your lonesome with money in your pockets that you want to keep. back before bums asked you for your change as soon as you leave the gas station. i mean what the fuck that is my god damn change. i worked hard for it, or at least i worked for it. and no, i do not want any of your bum help. i can do it myself.
so i had this idea that i should get a notebook for my blog ideas, i may have mentioned it before but it is a good idea. i had at least 3 or 4 better ideas for a blog than this one. but what are you going to do? i am very dedicated to scrappys but i dont want to write my ideas on my arms. plus i dont carry around pens. this usually pisses me off when i go into a bathroom and see that someone has written something stupid on the wall. at that point i would like to write something stupid of my own but i never have a pen to do it. very annoying. alrighty then gang thats it for today, short and sweet. ill be back next time and so will you i should hope. and keep an eye out for my junk on craigslist and buy it. we love people who contribute.

The List from Craig

Good morning scientists and sciencettes. it is a wonderful day in the neighborhood today. no hoodlums coming into the office and what not. my co worker was solicited for sex for though. she was told that he had some money if she wanted to have a good time. like the smart lady she is she refused. but thats not what we are talking about today. no, we will be talking about craigs list. first off i would like to say it is awesome. i enjoy looking at all the stuff on the free part and cant control my mind from wanting these other peoples crap. our list here in savannah is full of stuff from our fair city but also from the surrounding villages and trailer parks. you can tell because a lot of the furniture and things are set out in the yard in front of broken down cars and what not. but as i always say free is free and that fucking awesome. after i pay the car and accrue some additional funds i fully intend to buy myself a nice entertainment center off the list. and there are some nice one to be certain. hell once i get my camera in proper order and figure out how to get the picture out of it i will definitely be selling some of my own personal crap. for example i have a playstation 2 but because i have anger issues and my game frustrates i smashed all my controllers. yes it is counterproductive and wasteful but my guy didnt catch the ball when i told him to and i lost. is there anything more aggravating? very possibly but we here in savannah dont have the worries you other suckers have to live with. its the swamp gas that makes out lives nicer. but lets get back to my crap that i will sell you for a substantial amount of money. i have an extra set of dressers, it has no back but they sit up against the wall and you cant tell. also i have a box of clothes that my dear, crazy aunt kathy sent me from columbia. or maybe guatemala, one of those spanish speakers down yonder. i dont know where she gets them from since she runs an ice cream shop but she is forever sending massive boxes northward. its almost like an elaborate plan to smuggle illegals but all we get are ugly clothes from the 60s and anything else she can buy for a nickel in her south american paradise. i am also willing to part with my bike from when i was little. the front reflector is busted from when i drove it into a post and there is blood on it from when i smashed my face on the handle bars and broke my teeth, but it also has a nice little licence plate on the back that says thomas in blue reflective color. another plus is that its black so that people wont see your children riding at night. it makes for more effective sneak attacks that way. also i have an official panty raiding ladder. it has never been used but i dubbed it the panty raid ladder way back when, and then when i got old enough to go on a raid i realized that i would probably go to jail for breaking into a locked dorm full of women and stealing there panties. its a good idea on the surface but since people first started doing the panty raid the world has become a much more dangerous place. also on sale is one garden gnome. he is cursed but makes the weeds grow like nobodys business. it like a gag gift but you dont give it to people so they know they have it. you just put it in someones lawn who takes pride in it and my garden gremlin grows the weeds faster than they can cut them down. it really is a good find. finally the last thing i am going to be selling will be an idea. it will be a really good idea. one that could make you a fortune or make you the happiest person out there. what the idea is will depend on the day of purchase as my brilliance is in constant motion and always evolving. so if you need one or all of my items just send me the directions for getting my pictures from inside my camera and things will be going down around here faster than a monkey in a beat off contest. well gang thats the old sandford smarts for one day. until next time keep your pants up high and your hat down low and there will be no problems with this guy here.

p.s. i just found this and it made me laugh for 5 solid minutes. fucking ponchos. one fucking green spot.

Warnings from the street

I know I know, what the fuck right? The truth is, I've meant to blog this set of warnings since i went to Glennville the last time. The first thing, those motha fuckin cell phones: All nextel phones regardless of whether or not they have the "chirp" feature is owned by the feds. Maceo even did a song about it when the truth was discovered. Now the feds can just push a little button and anything and everything you say is recorded and held against you, period. Some one here at the job said his sister is in the pen for 14 years due to the fact she made a "transaction" over her nextel and was recorded, picked up, arrested, and laid to rest in the slammer. The next one is hargray, they're owned by MACE, a surveilance group, its the same deal with them, only I have seen there methods of perecution first hand. They sell you a "package" and come back later and buy it back, no more than 8 or 9 minutes later, you get yo door kicked and sent to rest in the slammer as well. I saw this happen in Glennville more than 4 times. It always sucked too. Now, moving right along. Hargray does things a little differently, since the mace group themselves own it, they just search for anyone they beleive to be in the game and begin there, once there presence in the game is confirmed, they send a dude out to do you in. That's all for now, ya'll stay sharp. Nikia Jones out.

Severed Heads

Once you have cut down your enemy, if you split the face down the middle and urinate on it and trample it with straw sandals on, the skin will peel right the skull, this is information to be treasured. When performing kaishaku (which is beheading a good freind or beheading a criminal who has committed a severe infracton) the first 4 or 5 times you will feel no reaction, once you have an experienced hand at it, you will notice a great deal of reacton as the blade passes through the arteries and veins contained witin the neck. When severing a head, always leave a little skin hanging in order to keep the head from flying into any one who may be spectating. If your will is strong, even after decapitation you can remain alive for a long period of time, but this is only if your will is strong enough, somewhat like that of a vengeful ghost. In my personal experiences of cutting anything with a katana, the arms and hands interlock, the eyes become more of a security line that are alarmed only when someting is within cutting distance of my immediate vicinity. All this information is verifiable, ya'll just need a good sharp cold steel katana, a little practice and both hands fully intact. The aforementioned beheadment i mentioned in parethensese, in the real old skool days, if you were to put your honor on the line and was asked to committ sepekku, which is pretty much you diemboweling yourself, your head would be cut off and you would much rather have a freind or a relative do it than some one who may want you to meet your end with disgrace or dishonor. These little precious neggets of lost info were just dying to be let out of my head ya'll. So i figured who better to share it with than the super scrappy squad! (the non non-readers) Ya'll work hard and eat right.

The First Blog

It is interesting to me how many people begin their blogs with a "this is the first post" post. Even we did that with our day 1 blog. but unlike most people we didnt lay out what our blog is supposed to be. why you say? because there is no method to our madness. we merely have the time to type, similar to how yall have the time to read. really the only problem comes when i think of something awesome to blog about during the day but by the time i go to blog the only thing i can think about is this one blog i have been meaning to do. i suppose i could use this time to do that. so without further ado here is "What i REALLY like doing"
as i am a man it isnt hard to please me. i like eating, i like sitting, and i doing sexing. what else is there in life? i know it makes me sound like a perv to many of you. especially all of you who are living for the lord and do all things in his name. but what it really makes me is a man. there isnt a single dude in the world who would turn down sex with some hot ladies. even most gay dudes would do it. unless they are a bottom i suppose, but even then. how do i know this? when i worked in the movies/dirty movie store more than 98% of the people who went into the "romance" section were men. if girls went in there, there had to be no one else in there because they were, rightly so, scared of pervs. also when chicks went in there they were looking for movies that are just funny nasty to give to their friends. like midget porn. i never understood why so i suggested the good titles. like "oops there is a dick in my ass" , "bi the bi", "stop on bi", and "revenge of the butter faces". anyhow i am getting away from my main topic. i like sticking my thing into chicks stuff. it feels good. you know it, i know it, hell dogs know it. plus it seems that it is easy and i like easy to. lots of effort is not good for you but years of being lazy and doing nothing has apparently made me into a sex machine. i could do it until i blister. unfortunately it seems to be more of a curse than anything else as it is hard for me to focus at times. i cant help but look at shapely bottoms and such and this pisses my lady off greatly. i dont know why i do it i just know that i cant stop. i blame evolution or heaven--this problem has to come from one of them. another disadvantage is that i cant do the steve urkel pants because you can see my junk. when i was younger and family matters was still on it was cool to do that. but not anymore. well gang i am sure you are all pleased to know about that and i am sure that most of you agree. so until next time put your thing into their stuff and give them the old whats what. hell yea.