Slicing that pie.

Well, after a full week of no nookie, my lady is back and the life and times of the man known as nikia jonez can resume there normality, (whatever little bit it may have had). The topic of the blog tonight? Midgets, Mountain Dew, and hand sanitizer. Maybe not in that order, i'll just start at the beginning, and when i come to the end, a screeching halt. First things first, hand sanitizer, why? What was wrong with gojo? It smells great, it gets the grittiest of the grit, and the greasiest of grease fr upon your skin, but no, some disgruntled (chick? probably) who either A. thought that it was unfair for just guys too have an instant hand cleaner, or a serious germaphobe. I have even read where people put that shit up there noses to keep from breathing in anything that may make them ill. I loooooooovvvvvvvveeeeeeee to turn down those fuckers when they whip out there little travel sized bottles and try to offer me that stuff. I usually turn it down with the reply of "nah i got strong immunity." *good stuff* Midgets, let me start at the beginning of this one, the first time i ever heard some one rip on midgets, it just so happened to be my grandmother, and what she said was funny as hell! We were watching these two midget twins who were entrepreneurs talk about this plan for helping the poor afford housing in the future. Well, i noticed my grandma kinda scrinching her eyes up and staring real hard at the screen, then she says it, " do you see how those midgets asses are kinda hiked up in the back?" I really wasn't ready for the next thing she said; " I bet when they take a shit it sprays all over the back of the toilet seat." I laughed at that for at least a good half hour. My thing about midgets is just curiosity, do they shop in the kids section, or is there a midgets apparel store just for the wee ones? I bet they can't drink a lot of liquor at all, or ride super awesome fast roller coasters. Plus, what about midget athletes? I can't recall ever seeing an athlete that was or is a midget. Then of course, who can forget about that midget porn? I don't watch it myself, i have seen a few scenes though but no matter what i saw, it just seemed........ TRAGIC. (really) Last, but certainly not least, that motha fuckin mountain dew man. That is my absolute favorite soda. But, that shit is so bad for you, it fucks with your kidneys, it has ass loads of bad sugars and lots of caffeine. ( FUCK LOADS OF CAFFEINE) I still love drinking the hell out of it though, even when i'm not trying to drink sodas, if i get thirsty the first thing i wanna reach for is the green bottle of heavenly sweetness. I wonder where in the hell the name for that shit came from. I gotta google that one, and to all the readers, if you know of a store where to but a fuckin cool kick ass mountain dew shirt leave it in a comment so that i can try and find one down here in the sea port. This has been Nikia Jones, now signing off, sleep soundly, PEACE....