There is a small chance you wont believe it!

Well gang the preliminary news is good. as i was looking for a picture to take the place of the one that says poo, i stumbled upon what appears to be a poster for a new gobots movie coming out this may. now should you not know of the gobots already feel free to slap your self in the face as hard as you can. for all of us smart people here is where you can go and find it gobots movie
So check it out. Later on i am going to try to find out if this is real or just some ass hole playing tricks with a population needy for my of the gobots famous antics, plus you must never forget the revelations at the end. hell i may even go home and get my old gobot movie so i can hang out and watch it on my day off. thats right team i will be getting a day off. although in my line of work that doesnt mean much. how it works is this. after i get out of work thursday at 7 am i dont have to be back to work until saturday at 11p. so i must sleep from about 9 am till 3 or 4 but the thing is, is that when you get home in time to watch the sun come up you dont really feel right going to bed when the sun is coming up. it is very unnatural. anyhow, once i do wake up i have to start drinking early and often so that when i do go to bed later in the evening when normal people do i dont wake up at 6 am. cuz if you think about it i will already of slept about 7 or 8 hours that day, then once i sleep again it is just compiling. then even worse once it is time for me to go back to work on saturday i am almost so tired that i want to go to bed, then the whole vicious cycle begins again. alrighty then homeboys and homegirls just wanted to update you on the gobots and continue in our quest for 100. oh and dont worry nothing happened to mr jones like wolves or arrows or any of that other stuff. at least not that i know of. when i find out so will you. rock on readers, piss off non readers. sandford out

The 90th blog

Well team we have made it. almost at least. Only 10 more blogs and we will be there. or maybe not. what could happen before those 10 posts go down. well first off figuring we each do 1 a day we will only take 5 days to do it. however sometimes we fall behind a bit in our blogging due to a lack of privacy at the work space or just a general laziness. not to mention i have a day off in the middle of those ten days. what if i go to jail, it could be days until i get out, then we may never make the deadline. what if we decide to rob something and get gunned down during an elaborate escape. or what if we eat ourselves to death going to an all you can eat buffet of everything everywhere. it could happen. if that kind of buffet where to exist and i were to find it and was able to get the early bird special for 6.95. yes i think i could eat my self to death. but they wouldnt have a buffet with everything everywhere, not that was open early enough for an early bird buffet. that would be to good to be true. another thing that could happen is a tsunami could hit georgia and we would all be washed away. then we wouldnt have the internet. also we might be dead. in either case it could take months to get to that oh so unattainably magical 100th blog. what if we are walking home from work and we get attacked by a pack of angry wolves. that could happen, shit the other day i saw a hawk flying over the city. that means that there is certainly a pack of angry wolves downtown as well somewhere. perhaps sleeping in the dumpsters at night and on sundays inside the liquor stores. well those are are very probable reasons why we might not make the 100, but what about what will happen when we do.
first off there will be fireworks. and im not just talking about snakes and sparklers. we will have bottle rockets and black cats and m 80s, cherry bombs, smoke bombs, plus some snakes and sparklers. then there will be a three day parade. the first day there will be floggings of all known and unknown non-readers whom we find during the day one drinking and flogging fest. day is composed of eating and parading about town with a large ticker tape parade towards the end. the third day we have the greatest show on earth. we have a circus with elephants and rhinos and giraffes, zebras, emus, all the good stuff. plus we have some gladiator fights with people and monkeys, not to mention monkey knife fights, large animal fights. and for the little ones penguins fights with jello shots. after the three day parade and festivities we get back to life as we know it but know we have some new experiences and good times to think on. it will be swell so cross your fingers and your toes and your eyes until we make that 100. if you do we will give you a chance at winning 100 dollars in a raffle and cake walk competition.

A post on the poll

well chums i think it is finally time for some descriptions on what the poll is about so we can have a more general idea of which really does sound nastier. luckily to save my time and yours i have found a list that someone has already compiled so i am just going to copy and paste. then i will comment on the ones he got wrong or add in ones that he missed. well lets get this thing started before i get too excited. alright its done. the times new roman is him and these letters are mine.

Here is a fairly extensive compilation of some of the

extraordinary sexual activities that can be performed by men:

1. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed
to shit on her chest. (A.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)the cleveland steamer is when you shit on her chest then drag her out into the cold to watch it steam, hence the steamer
2. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep
and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else. this is for lonely people
3. Western Grip- When jerking off, turn your hand around, so
that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use. Hence, western. this one just sounds unpleasant and strange
4. The Blumpkin- You need to find a real tramp to do this
right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter. one of my good friends always wanted to try this. he said it must be like the best of both worlds combined. he was odd.
5. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments
before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the
back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly,
the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up. i dont know where he got his facts from, but i never heard about any ass play in the donkey punch. what it is supposed to be is that right before you cum you punch her in the kidneys as hard as you can which makes the snatch tighten which induces the extra pleasure.
6. Golden Shower - Any form of pissing all over a chick (a.k.a.- watersports) this is just nasty, why would people like r kelly like this
7. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the
neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. i like how he calls it beautiful jewelry.
8. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty
wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However
you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must
gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful. this one is a bit far fetched. i mena the other could happen, this one, not so much.
9. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you
oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek.
It should leave a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom. this guy just got this one completely wrong. the purple mushroom is merely an imprint on a girls face when you slap her with your penis. you could be doing anything not necessarily getting oral sex. you could be at the store buying groceries, or driving you car.
10. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a class move. indeed very classy, id like to see someone pull this off in a real serious movie. they could have put it in titanic instead of the sex in the car seen. that was just lame
11. Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull
back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus. this one has another definition. the fishhook is also when you are hitting it from behind and then you reach forward and get a crooked finger into her mouth jerking her face back, like a fish
12. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you
start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The
force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity. i like what he has done here using the word attacking
13. Bismarck- This is another one involving oral sex. Right before
you are about to cum, you pull out, shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and cum together. and this would be your garden variety strawberry short cake with the blood being strawberries and the cum being cream
14. Jelly Dougnut: A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to
do is punch her in the nose while you are getting head. i dont think you could punch someone in the nose during fellatio, and certainly wouldnt want to if you could.
15. The Woody Woodpecker: When a girl is sucking on your balls,
tap the head of your cock on her forehead. hahahhahahaha this one is in good taste
16. Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you
attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it
can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath. it seems to me trying to shove your balls into someone ass would result in squeezing of said nuts, which would fucking hurt. although i do like how they came up with the name
17. Tossing Salad - Another prison act where one person is
forced to basically chow asshole with the help of whatever condiments are
available, i.e. Jell-O, olive oil, etc. I'm never going to prison. thats just awful imagine if they gave you relish
18. Rim Job: Another name for tossing salad. Focuses on the use
of the tongue. rim job and tossing salads are the same thing. but not necessarily with condiments. that is sickening
19. The Bucking Bronco- An all time classic. You start by going
doggy style on a girl and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits or hips as tightly as possible and call her a big fat no-good worthless slob. More than likely, she will try to escape. This will give you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off. generally you would say something more along the lines of "yea this is just how your sister likes it" or you could insert someone elses name or another family member. basically anthing you wouldnt normally say that was meant to offend.
20. Pink glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough.
When you pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove. i have never had that happened but if it did i would shit a brick
21. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having
her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure
as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all
over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed). yea no shit better in her bed. jesus that is awful
22. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that
when you go down, you boot on her box. Happy trails. i just might vomit thinking about that
23. The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while
laying the bone doggie style, you insert Your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name would be Dirty Sanchez. classic
24. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her
ass (or his if you are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed
winking motion to see what the hell you are doing. excellent visualization.
25. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick lapping away and
discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you
stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry
smothers your face. sweet jesus people are fucked up. fuck the hint of raspberry
26. Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who
has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's Afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her. another one that makes you throw up a little bit in your mouth
27. The ChiliDog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then
proceed to titty fuck her. i never would have thought to do that, i suppose if you take her out into the cold and do it you could call it a cleveland chilidog
28. Gaylord Perry: Going to only one knuckle during an anal
probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple
knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either
on one finger or on multiple). hahaha that guys name was gaylord.
29. Rear Admiral: An absolute blast. When getting a chic from
behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to
anythingwhen she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside
so that you end up pushing her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun to have her trip on her face on the floor. You become an Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips. this one is too fucking amusing not to be good. i want to be an admiral but that sounds fuckin hard
30. Glass Bottom Boat: Putting saran wrap over your partners
face and proceeding to lay a hot shit there. this would be nasty just to see someone else do it
31. Ray-Bans: Put your testicles over her eye sockets while
getting head.
(Picture it: ass on forhead) It may be anatomically impossible,
but it is definitely worth a try. i agree this might be impossible
32. Snowmobile: Always a blast. When getting a girl while she's
on all fours, sweep out her arms so she falls on her face. if i was sitting down i might have fallen out of my chair this one is so fucking funny
33. Dutch Oven: Rather simple. Whenever you bust ass while in
the sack pull the covers over both of your head so she can enjoy your pork and beans as well. and last but not least my favorite. also i just realized that as i was doing this the other letters were changing so it isnt my fault but i think you can figure out which comments were mine, if not you may not be smart enough to be on this website. alrighty then kids out there in tv land yall take it easy and until next time no new york tacos or tuna melts.

The way it is

Well heroes and heroines who read the blog it is one of those days. nothing too exciting, nothing too dull. i got to sleep in until 8pm, that was nice. i lost my phone but then i found it. interesting side note. controllers with out wires are cool but you have to be careful where you put them otherwise you can lose it. i dont have much else to say today but i am going to issue a new warning, ney, an ultimatum to those of you still not reading the blog. and i know you are out there because we got one of those counter things and we know how to use it. First things first your mother will be sexed up. we have said that before but i felt it needed to be reiterated. secondly we will shave your dog and draw the meat types on it with sharpies. then we will give your town idiot a knife and tell him where you live. also we wil tie paper bags to your dogs feet so he has to walk all funny trying to get them off. then we will soak your cats in water, only yo dry them off with blow dryers. then when they are dry we will put tape on there feet and cut off there whiskers. to you though my friend the things we do will be much worse and not so quick to be over with. we start out with something that will merely haunt your dreams forever. we will tie you to a chair and make you watch the entire anna nicole show in a row. plus we will mix them up so you get no back story. then we will feed you cheesy delicious grits. when you finish we will reveal that we peed in them. than a short walk to the movie store. once there we will let you pick out any movie that you want. after you are doing choosing we tell you that we lied and we arent getting what you wanted but rather something which you didnt, like that movie with the lady from the nanny where she is a hair stylist to that guy in russia. once back to your house we make you watch it and rip out your toe nails whenever fran does that annoying laugh she does. then once you have no toe nails left we put flip flops on you and make you walk on the sand at the beach getting sand all in your bloody toe nail holes. when you cry about it we will point and laugh. then i will point out your tears to some older folks. they laugh too because you are a pussy. this wouldnt have happened if you had just read the blog we say. you say that you will, but we say it is too late for that. so we drag you kicking and screaming to the nearest whore house. there we make you have sex with two or three diseased whores just to make sure you get something unpleasant that will cause a leak or a burning sensation somewhere. then we take you to the beach again to let jellyfish sting you. then as you cry some more we laugh some more. then we point out your tears to small children. they laugh as well. the moral of the story is get to reading or else all of that stuff. plus we will bang your grandmother and your sisters. and poop in all the shoes in your house. if we dont have enough poop in us we will have to go out and get some, but it will be worth it to show you whats what. well it seems as though i had more to say than i thought originally but thats how this thing works. you think you have nothing to say then all of a sudden you do. heed the warning and drink more beer in the shower.

And so it happened

Well gents it has happened. California fell of America, which forced the whole continent to sway violently. When it swayed up it broke in two and the east coast came splashing down flooding countless towns and killing thousands and thousands of people. Similar effects were seen on the west coast, even snoop died. So far the only people left are me, bigfoot, and tom hanks. That was yesterday. Today we are trying to put back our lives together. tom fixed us a nice breakfast, he mentioned that he had learned to cook excellent biscuits and gravy while shooting forest gump. Bigfoot said "you sure did this is awesome" I agreed. After breakfast me, tom , and bigfoot went of alookin for something, anything really. We werent even really sure where we were. I thought we were still in georgia but bigfoot said no way. he thought we were still in north dakota( thats where he was all along), but tom hanks said, "i dont think so" in that tom hanks way he has. Well we thought and thought as we walked along. Then we saw it. that big stupid worthless arch. we were in st louis. bigfoot moaned and it kind of sounded like chewbacca. i mentioned that and they both told me to shut up. we were screwed, we were in st. louis. what if nelly or murphy lee was here what would we do. then we saw him. nelly was dead. a large crate of childrens bandaids had fallen on him and pinned him to the ground. he probably drowned in the flood. there were dora the explorer and talespin bandaids everywhere. i pocketed some of the talespins for later when one of us would undoubtledy get hurt. we all had a good laugh at the irony and then all of a sudden we heard this loud noise. it was a very hard to describe noise. like a mix of a loud runny poo and a jackhammer, with a hint of bone grinding screech, we all shuddered. we didnt know what to make of the noise we had just heard so we went in search of what it was. we seemed to be in one of st louis's suburbs as everything looked quaint in a rubbly, smashed, flooded way. not at all like ho new orleans looked after that thing that happened down there.
oops have to stop almost go home time. look for me to continue this tommorrow or in the future. until then dont poo in your pants crying about how awesome the story was getting.

It was an excellent adventure.

So the day started out just fine me and BH (pronounced B.H.) were just bullshittin around at school. When we learned about this big history report we had. Neither me nor B.H. were doing to well in school so this was a must pass thing. Especially since my dad had told me i would be sent off to military school if i had to go to summer school again. so me and b.h. are bummed out about how things are going. so we decide to go and talk to missy (that is brannons step mom, i went to the prom with her two years before) and she what she thinks. unfortunatley she was no help, merely saying that we were screwed. later that day we were one the way to the 7-11 when all of a sudden there was this amazing flash of light and then the next thing we knew this phone booth popped out of the ground. we were amazed so we went to look at it to see what it was. then the doors opened and this guy steps out in some totally stylin threads. he introduces himself as hector and explains that he is from the future. he also tells us that in the future we are famous and that everyone is cool to each other. we are of course totally stoked about this, even more so when he tells us our band is the most popular band in the history of the world, the wild scallions. (guitar noises)
indeed i made a very similar story to that of bill and teds excellent adventure but i used my name and B.H.'s instead. why did i do that you may ask. well to point out just how goddamn good that movie really is. it is keanu at his best. all of his looks in other movies where he looks like he doesnt know whats going on, that look came from the bill and teds series. and yes i did say series in case you were unaware of bill and teds bogus journey in which the two heroes go to hell. pure gold. i have kinda lost track of where i was going with this. but to sum up bill and ted awesome. tommy and b.h.-is there anything better than platinum? i think i have made my point. as they say up your ass with mobil gas. sandford out!!!

crap on a stick, not on my dick

The thought of being a true funk master has always been cool to me ladies and gentlemen, staying true to the game and never blind to the facts. I want to write the best screen plays and the most moving music you have ever feasted your ears upon. It truly would be dream come true. I got the almost all that i need to pull most of this off there is however a few things that i am going to have to dig deeper for. Now, I'm sure almost all of you are like yeah what the fuck ever, or maybe even all of you, but i don't give a good godamn what the fuck you think, i'm gonna make it do what it do regardless. The truest of all my insperation is locked deep inside of me and locked away by years of repression being told that this isn't the way a young man is supposed to go on about forecasting his future. But, i mean fuck man who wants to map out every aspect of there future to the point that not a dam thing out the odinary ever happens? Not me thats for fuckin sure, i mean if you beleive that you sure as hell on that dope. Just like if you think i'm gonna go back to jail again. NOPE, never ever, I'll be on that police video thing where they either run me outta gas or they blow my tires. But anyway let me get back on deck with this shizznit. The inspiration part we've covered, my inspiration comes from experience(s) and i have had alot, and or many. I got fights, jobs, chases, losses, money making moves, and perfect timed rhymes and grooves. The dawn of Nikia Jonesz may be upon us all, to me its just a matter of time. That which is now known, is a discovery waiting to be uncovered by the right person. BELEIVE THAT you non reading ass hoe-boys. My homeboy mayo would even agree to that and he don't agree to shit, not even redlights. But, enough of all that, i guess i kinda just rambled on. No matter any of you do out there besides not read our blog, be excellent to one another, and watch some one's back, that way you can always say you weren't in it just for yourself. A samurai's life is focused, but his death is always willing. Nikia to the J, out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wax and wane

The cooties have erupted all across the seaport my good freinds, if you have the symptoms it may already be too late, people all over the globe are outraged at the sudden crisis, no one even beleives that cooties is even that contagious. Doctors who have been swamped with emergency house calls say that the only cure seems to be lots of scrumpin!!!! So if you suddenly have the urge to drink out of the toilet or chew on your crotch you may have already contracted the awful cooties illness but not to worry there remedy has been located, so commence to the scrumpin. Doctors have also noted the following symptoms in people who have been air lifted to the hospital: a) nausea b) uncontrolable ass grabbing c) constant sweating in the crotch region d) unbearable pain in the palms and throat. If you are suffering from any of these symptoms once again do not panic, you must find the opposite sex and and scrump the cooties right out of your body, this is the only way to rememdy the condition. To all of you out there in the panic, may god have mercy on us all. (Dr.) Nika Jone$ out

Just a couple nips

For the first time ever sportsfans, i have officially drank an entire day away. It was truly enlightening, first me and good compadre gene we had an early morning corona, then we had a few more while playing rock band, the more we drank the funner the game got. Then, we decided to go have some kfc, and do a little grill shopping, or at least some shopping for grillable items. I somehow ended up at a little liquor store in the parking lot of the bi-lo and we purchased a good ol pint of that yager, we nipped it the whole way home and then we had a few more beers. It started to get hot outside and it was time to cross swords, but we only had icy cold beers to kill the parched regions of our dry throats. The sword play died down and we only had a beer split between the 2 of us so we had to make like a tree and grow. We get back to geneler's pad and commence to more nipping and rock banding, and we get this urge to commence with grilling, we do and all the fun stuff that comes with yager and grilling began to unfurl ri8ght before our eyes, the next move was to the liquor just up the street so that we could fetch another bottle of "nips" ((YAGER)) we drank well into the night and rocked out to the game some more, then we got to jam the whle neighbor with some old skool funk and we even put up this huge white screen and watched pirates as big as the side of his house it only sucked cause we didn't have the suround to match the size. But, i just got cut short sportsfans time to make it do what it do.

The alright finally

Question! if a woodchuck could chuck wood, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck? That is even hard to type since you have the homonyms would and wood. although i can say it. and good too. this reminds me of a story. this is a story you must tell yourself outloud as you read it. first we must prepare. the first thing you must do for this story is put both hands on your checks, one hand to one check. then push your face together so your lips stick out. now you must say, Hi my name is chubby. Thats the first part of the story, now here is the rest (you have to say all of it with your hands on the sides of your face) my mamas name is chubby, my pa's name is chubby....even my dogs name is chubby. one day me and my pa were at the playground playing on the swings. pa was pushing me but i wanted to go faster so i said faster daddy faster. so he pushed me a little faster. but not fast enough so i again said faster daddy faster. so he pushed me a little faster. but still not fast enough. then i said it again faster daddy faster. so he did. (this is where you let your face go of the squeezing and you pull back so its like you have a fast lift. then you say WHOA DADDY NOT THAT FAST. good times. not much to say on a personal note today. i think the first bluray movie i will get will be robocop one so we can watch the shotguns in extra hi def. word to your mother

Growing Pains

This is a story all about hoe my life got twist turned upside down. and i'd like to take as minute, just sit right there. i'll tell you how i became the prince of a town called bel air. no no no i am not the prince of bel air sorry about the confusion but i thought that would get the good times rolling as we talk about something which is a big problem here in our modern world. problems. and you say well what kind of problems? well there are lots to be sure, but we are just talking about realizing that you are no longer the size you used to be. Id like to start this out by saying until i was in my junior year of high school i was very small. short and skinny rather than tall and skinny now. but the main point is that i was smaller. i first noticed my new found bigness when i realized i could see the top of the fridge. this was a new and exciting concept. after i realized this i realized i could see the top of lots of stuff. hell i was even taller than my ma. then came that fateful day when i wanted a pickle but there was only one left. i went to stick my hand into the jar but i couldnt. my hand had become to big. then it started to happen all the time. i became too big for the back seats of hondas, too heavy to carry, too wide to fit between places that others could. then i knew it had happened. i was all growed up, and there was nothing i could do about it. so i started using my bigness to my advantage. i lifted some weights and got fast. And that brings us to today, well that and a couple thousand beers and plenty of hefty relaxing. Where do i go from here you ask? Well i suppose i can still get hairier. And then later i could lose that hair. i could get rounder but i doubt it. maybe i will try out for the nfl since i am so sweet at stuff. well gang it is just about that time. i have to go home and get some rest for another day starts tomorrow. until then i will be chillin like 3 villians commiting 8 killins on folks gettin fillins.

El Capitan

Without a doubt Captain Ron is one of the coolest movies ever made. I say this with confidence as i now if you were to watch it you would agree. It has Kurt Russell and Martin Short. I mean come on. you could put kurt russell and martin short into a barrel and shove them off of niagra falls and it would be delighful, but put them into a movie about a captain and his rich family. gold, pure gold comes out. This reminds me of another movie which is sweeter then honey covered in sugar wrapped in molasses.(that says asses) and that would of course be coneheads. who doesnt love people with really tall heads that come to cones at the top. its almost like a tall boob. plus the chick who was the young conehead was pretty hot. chris farley may have gotten lucky and got to hit that. but we will never know as he has passed on. well gang since recently my posting have been so long this one will be disappointingly short. however never fear as there will be a tommorrow so for now go crank up the go ninja go song and get down like its 1999, or 1996 for that matter. the olympics in georgia was pretty cool. Mr. Sulu beam me up.

The 24 hour day

Well howdy there gang!! how goes it? really? me too. Today i awoke at 6 a.m. to the wonderful feeling of fuzzy leaping onto my back from the dressers. not only did i get some good scratches but i got real pissed off. so i grabbed fuzzy smacked her real good maybe once, probably twice and tried to go back to bed only i couldnt. normally this wouldnt have been a problem however i have this new job and now i cant sleep for some reason from 6 am until 9 am. yes it is very strange i wake up and cant go back to sleep for 3 hours. if you were french you would say that trois heures(twa urrs). so i began the day with a good sit on the thrown with my excellent magazine. i read for a while and it was nice. then i remembered that today is the day i was going to get my new playstation 3 but i had to wait till anna gets her paycheck. at who knew how long that could be. so i set about making what is to be from now on called the sandford breakfast sandwich. i started with some butter in my pan. as i let that melt i got out the pickles, turkey, roastbeef, mayo and mustard. also two eggs. then i cut on the toaster oven so it would be ready for my bread. by the way this is a three slices of bread type of sandwich, not to be confused with one of those blondie or cosby sandwiches. no this was a sandford sandwich. so after i got the butter melted nice and hot i cracked my two eggs and began to fry those eggs. meanwhile i have put a slice of cheese on one of my three slices of bread and have put all into the toaster. at this point i begin to pile up my meat. i do it with 4 slices of turkey and four of roast beef. you gotta keep it even. at this point it is time to flip the eggs, so i do. after the flipping i get out a second kind of cheese, this one is cheddar the other was muenster. however this cheese isnt in slices, it is shredded. so i sprinkle some onto my half cooked eggs, so as to double up their deliciousness and also the overall cheesiness of my whole sandwich. then i notice my bread is starting to finish, so i grab the slice with the cheese on it melted and put it on a plate (it is the bottom, or base, of my sandford breakfast sandwich). then i place my pre-piled meat onto my bread. i then place another slice of bread on top of that. now just to make things easy i squirt my mustard on then scoop my mayo(always squirt then scoop so as not to get mustard in your mayo) then i merely turn that slice over so that the mayo and mustard is touching my meat. at this point the eggs are done so you scoop out your eggs and pile them high onto your sandwich. then you get your last piece of toasted bread and set it atop your mound of excellence. thus you have the SANDFORD BREAKFAST SANDWICH!!! now if you are brave enough, and of course hungry enough, you may attempt to conquer the sandwich. however people of weak mind, and weak stomachs should not attempt as the deliciousness might overpower your sensory stuff. well that is how you make the sandwich.
after breakfast i sat around the house, took a few naps and waited for anna to get off work, then finally she did. we went to the target and got it. it was so amazing. the only problem was we had to wait to fiddle with it because we were going to eat with annas pa. so we did that. 3 and a half hours later we still havent played or even seen it. and i am getting antsy. luckily we have finished dinner and are on the way back home. once we get there we both breath a sigh of relief because the good times have arrived. so i get it all hooked up and we get ready to play, but i cant get it to eject. so i call the support people. i was on hold for thirty minutes. couldnt get any help to save my life. i was getting very furious at that point and i very nearly cruched my phone in frustration. luckily anna was there with all her glory and smartness. apparently the new playstation is so cool it no longer has an actual power button. you just push the place where the light is. same for the eject button. however no longer does the tray slide out for your game. you just stick it in. not hard like i know you sick fucks are thinking. that might hurt it and you dont hurt stuff this cool or especially if its that expensive. so anyhow we got it going and it is fucking awesome. i cant wait to get all the extra goodies. welp folks it is 4 am and i am going into cruise mode for my last 3 hours. yall be easy now and dont let the diabetes catch you. as always this is tommy sandford rocking out with my cock out. meanwhile i am hanging out with my wang out. have a good and righteous day.

Thugnificent

Here we are once again, and today i will be blogging it on up with a vegence! First let us analyze the word thugnificent. IF you show love to your homies, at any given moment, and at all special occasions, you thugnificent. If you down to ride or die with ya homies no matter what, they drunk, you drink, ya both drunk, and ya got 7 years or worse in the trunk, then you as well are thugnificent. If you can make your favorite food taste the same even when you lack the required ingredients, you are thugnificent. If you fry your eggs with butter instead of shortening or oil, you are most definetly thugnificent. Thugnificense is a path as well as a state of mind, if your walks take through the places where you know your homies are on chill, you are well on your way to thugnificense. If you cook way too much when you do preprare a meal, your have left the deepest of footprints upon the path of thugnificense. If you hate wasting food, eating at a walmart, shopping at a walmart, if you wait in the car and endulge in vegetating in the parking lot instead of actually going the hell into the walmart, then you probably sweat thugnificense. Now, don't get it wrong, we can't all be as thugnificent as we want, some of us are just able to tap into the very gangsta glands we are blessed with, others just forfeit these special abilities and never give into the urge to waste a sinlge second of there precious pimp playing time, these type of people would rather taste the kool aid then go and sip the wine. Right along with this is hater blocking, if you can truly stop a hater dead in his tracks without hesitation and make them acknowledge the fact that theys a goddamn hater, well then my freind you will be featured in this month issue of thugnificense-n-detail. So ya'll be easy out there, if you a hater and you know it, eat a dick mother fucker!!!!!!!!! If you ain't well then just make it do what it do!!!!!

Survivation

Yes indeedy do campers i made that word up. I was getting sick of the word survival and i think survivation is a good substitute. And the process of survivation is exactly what i went through this weekend for Tommy Day. It was probably the best holiday i can think of. first i was born on tommy day and second it is a great drinking holiday that brings together all my friends in excellent debauchery. we had beer and the relaxing stuff. also a tree house and a zip line, and a fire. if i must say so myself i think everyone had fun. even big ray was swinging his big fat ass down the tree, and not to mention over the fire. luckily no major injuries and even better no cops. the day started out innocently enough. i awoke at 6 am(i cant sleep in anymore so i just quietly fart around till anna gets up) and we chilled out. we took the buick to get a nice car wash, lord knows i love me some relaxing in the car wash. then it was off to meet moms for lunch. we had barbara jeans. i surely recommend it to all who encounter it. not a whole lot of selection but everything is good, from the pork chops to the chicken fried steak, to the chicken fried chicken, mmmm mmmm good. i also got an ice cream cake from my mom. luckily this year she didnt make the waiters sing to me. thanks god. however when we get there the first thing we see mom doing is annoying the shit out of the waiters at the serving station. i mean cant she just wait till they come back by to ask them or something. oh well anyhow we were chilling with mom and shooting the shit she gave me my b-day gift. it was more money for my playstation 3. which i am happy to say will be making its debut at the house on wednesday. thats right its really going to happen. after we ate my mom once again pointed out that my tire needs air and i need to hurry and take my car to the shop to get it look at. then we are off. we stopped by the store to pick up some brews and headed over to my best pal brannons house. once there we proceeded to drink some beers for a while. then we decided to go to sakuras to drink some happy hour sake. always in good taste. while there we saw one of my friends and she got me a bottle of sake for my birthday. i cant wait to try it today after i wake up. after plenty of sake and a big bowl of soup it was off to brannons again. when we get there this time we are drunker and there is still no one there. so we keep drinking and meanwhile zach is putting the finishing touches on the zipline, we keep getting drunk. at some point anna got too drunk and had to go home, then it got dark. then later on after things kinda got hazy miguel and darcy show up. we had some more drinks and we relaxed some. good times. brannon kept trying to get miguel to do the zip line but he being a smart man didnt. after a bit longer it was down to the three amigoes. me and zach and brannon, and we were hungry so it was time for a krystals trip. i got two chili cheese fries for my self and of course krystal burgers. all in all yet another excellent tommy day. maybe next year we will do more planning. but i doubt it.

Gap toothed faces making gap toothed smiles.

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The Gol derned Intranet

First i wish to say that many of the episodes of Whos the Boss with Tony Danza were written by a gentleman by the name of Bud Wiser. Look it up you will see who is right.
Now to business. Back in the day before i went to college i didnt really like the internet. i mean sure it had porn and all but thats only cool sometimes. But then i went to school. at first i defied the internet but it was to make me its bitch by the time i was asked to leave that god awful school. My first day there i got a brand new computer compliments of the moms. She got me the cheapest one they had to offer, which i didnt realize because it looked much fanier than any computer we ever had before(all the computers we got before that were from my moms office because they were going to throw it away). Mine had a flat screen and speakers(can you imagine watching porn on the internet for years without sound?) it was an amazing thing i tell you what. Unfortunately my laziness got the better of me so I went and got good old Travis(we like to call him T-rav, he hated it). He was one of those wonderful human beings i so lovingly call computer kids. he loved anime and his computer and of course porn, typical of computer kids. Luckily for me travis was willing to put it all together for me and teach me how to use it. so now i was on my way, only i was on the internet i was on the intranet using my ethernet cable. It was wild stuff. like that commercial for the super bowl with donkey lips, damn that shit was good. Now on my intranet i was able to go into other peoples computers and look around and take stuff. i only took movies and music but you really could get at anything. Then i downloaded itunes for the first time. and so it was that i began my huge collection of crappy music with good songs stuck in every now and again. later that day i discovered collegehumor.com and i was blown away. i mean who knew that besides naked pictures there were also funny pictures on the internet. it was awersome. i couldnt wait to wake up the next day and see the new pictures. it was like heaven. that lasted me a good two years of fulfilling internet time. however today i discovered something even better than funny pictures. funny movies. it is called youtube. i watched this one where a guy from world of warcraft walks around singing that song from right said fred( i wonder what happened to fred?) and of course my favorite internet thing ever. that numa numa kid. he even has like 4 more movies. all equally funny. and then other people made videos similar to his original video. i never knew i could laugh while being so tired. it was remarkable. so kids the lesson for today is that the internet isnt just for naked chicks getting it on with each other and dudes, it is also about funny pictures and movies. also the weather and directions. im fucking tired and i am about ready to go home and sleep. watch out for the hamburglar and keep eating you wheaties. sandford out

Whiggidy whiggidy whack

Hey there, hi there, hello there, gothamites. (watch some batman you dumbasses) It has been quite the weekend in the life and times of nikia 2 da j. I walked 12 miles on a cold deserted road because of a major problem with that truck i love so much. I drank 5 12 oz. red bulls and i think i was hallucinating from lack of sleep! it was odd, i ended up leaving colquitt at 3 am, the town where my grandparents live, i left there house at 9 pm, it sucked, i had to throw away my happy garden of unboredom. But, at my grandparents i got to watch the motha fuckin patriots lose the super bowl to the giants, now, i'm no fan of the new york giants, but i hate those uppitty assed dookie faced dung sucking, shylock mother fucking patrots, i was the only one in the whole house wanting them to do the damn thang and i got mine!!!! It was a beautiful thing. Then we had steak, even better! It was also my favorite aunt's b-day on ground hog day, we had a grill the size of 4 filled with smoked ribs. I had all the party favors and unfortunately, some one noticed and had to start trying to cop on my ass, but i had to do what any man with family in the center of his soul would do and share the wealth, and then the good times really began to roll, we laughed at everyone and then we drank til we stank. I fell in the bonfire, then my aunt fell on the baby, it was AWESOME. The best part was the deviled eggs, damn i ate like 3\4 of the tray. The only part i could've done without was the half concious drive and the loss of the 6 hour tire swap job, that was the pits. By the way the flash also hate you for making that gay ass movie about the daredevil, everyone knows the flash can kick the daredevil's cane toating ass. But, for right now i gotta go do what i gotta do, ya'll eat your veggies or else. Nikia j 0u+

Genuine Relaxtion

The things about relaxing is that not everyone can do it. Some say it is ADD. i say if you cant relax you arent really living. What comes to mind when relaxing? Beers, good friends, maybe a bit of television. Not to mention the relaxing vegetation we all know about. Take me for example, i have had some much experience relaxing that i talk slower. Talking slower is easier and if something is easier it is more relaxing. i slouch so i dont have to use energy standing up straight, plus people dont like it when you tower over them. genuine relaxation is what is coming this saturday. after i go and eat with the sis and the moms i am going to race home and pound a couple beers and then the chilling will begin. i think first i might just sit at the house and do nothing, no tv no talking, just sitting. then after about 10 minutes of silence i will get tired of that and turn on the televizzle. who knows what will be coming on that day. maybe some law and order who knows, perhaps ill pop in robocop one. nothing says relaxing like a guy who gets shot the fuck up then gets turned into a robot who fights crime. but i might watch a funny movie too. maybe a little john candy, or some akroyd. even a little chevy chase is always good. maybe ill rent some ghost busters and think about busting ghosts. i could be venkman, brannon could be ray, miguel could be egon, and zino could be winston. you gotta have the black guy. fuzzy could be slimer. good old fuzz, she likes to be nasty.
well i have made it to 4:30 only 2 and a half more hours to go till i get to go home and nap a little. i think one day when i get rich i will buy a bar so that my friends have a place to drink where we dont have to worry about people who suck. i will cover the walls with the faces of people who cant come in. ill go out and take pictures of people i dont like just for that reason. i will go into the courthouse and take pictures of everyone who works there, they cant come in. everyone who ever made me wait in a line for a ridiculous amount of time would be on the wall. every boss who i ever worked for that sucked cant come in. i would also have special take home cups so that people can wash there own shit, i know i wouldnt want to. also i would only hire people who dont go to scad. also i would have a sign on the door that says free beer with scad cards, then when they pull them out we snap their photo and they cant ever come back. it will be a grand bar. i will have tvs and pool. maybe some karaoke, and it will be two rooms so if you dont like the music on one side you can go to the other. i will also talk to the city about the use of flashing lights outside my bar. they will not be tolerated. ill get drunk people to shoot out the lights with bb guns from the top of the building. fuck the police. then later when i run for mayor i will make the cops wear pink uniforms so as to seem friendlier, and just to be mean. ill make the meter maids walk, those bastards. and the people at chatham county lost and found will have to stay at work till 8pm. also everyone who works in the courthouse will get one deserving slap from a citizen chosen randomly after the workday is over because you know they were unnecessary assholes to someone. not to mention the people in the chatham county tax building. fuck them, one time we were in there and there was no one waiting but us and this fucking fat ass bitch is just sitting there looking at us. i was going to say something to here about it but anna said not too since we still needed there help. i think that maybe everyone who works for the city must have a butt plug as part of there attire that they have to wear everyday which is what makes the guys so grumpy. the girls have a handful of sand stuffed up there stuff everyday thats what makes them so happy. well thats good for today i feel. watch out for my and my comrade next post. they are certain to be doozies.

What a super Super Bowl

Well my suspicions were correct, the Giants managed to pull it off and spoil the patriots perfect season. I know that everyone from the 72 dolphins team is happy that it happened. The patriots season this year reminds me of my senior year playing. We were good as far as really small schools go with all white boys on the team. Although that was good because we played some redneck teams who would holler at them at call them names at stuff so it was better in the end. or so we thought. But anyway we were good and we played 3 teams who had never had a football program before so they didnt have many players. This meant they had to recruit some middle schoolers up to the team. now everyon should know that a high school senior is generally going to out weigh a middle schooler by at least 50 pounds although generally more. Also our team had a lot of seniors. So all these little ass kids come down from south carolina( we only played schools in SC because one of our coaches changed our conference a few years back) so they come down and they have a couple of big guys and a bunch of little kids. So generally we did as we pleased. we went the first part of the season blowing out teams by scores of 48-0 and 42-6. I mean those teams were shitty. Then our second to last game we had to travel to colleton prep. colleton prep is in a football town and they had also been kicking the crap out of all the teams in our division to. Also before the season a public school closed so all the kids had to change over to colleton prep. So they have around 50 players, most of whom are good, and we have 23 players about 10 of whom are useless, either too small, too slow, or just unathletic all around. They beat the tar out of us. i think the score was 47-7 but we might not have scored i dont remember all to well. this made us all feel shitty. but it was ok because we still had a chance to get to the championship. We won the next game and then the two playoff games, one of which we were losing till i got a safety and the tide turned in our favor. Then it was time for round two of us vs. colleton prep. We were in the champioship game and it was to played on the Citadel Field. It was a cold night and the ground was very hard but we were ready. we kept it close and didnt let up for those bastards but in the end they were able to pull away. i found the article from the savannah morning news about the game and i am going to provide the link so that all may regail in my old timey stuff. also if you type in my name and search it on that website i have been mentioned in the paper a couple different times. yes yes i am great. now here is the website for your pleasure http://old.savannahnow.com/stories/112302/SPTstandrewsFB.shtml . can you dig it. alrighty well it is nearing the 5 oclock hour and i have said enough for one day. tommorrow maybe i will tell oyu about what i think about life on other planets or why everyone will be the same color in a thousand years. until then the suspense will drip. try not to get it on you. sandford out

Super Duper Sunday

Well the day had come. time for the big game. I am still at work and it is now 5:30 in the a.m. when i get off i am going to have a couple beers maybe relax a little. then perhaps a little light reading and a poo. (i couldnt go at work because some asshole shitted it up and now it is stopped up) im not having anything good pop up into my head to blog on today for all you fine folks who subscribe daily. so to fill that void i am going to give all you non readers a list of people who hate you just for being you, plus all the non reading and whatnot. Firstly george w bush hates you. he loves our blog. also jack black and his band mate kyle gass. they love this shit too. the entire atlanta braves baseball team hates you because you missed out on the upper decking blog. fred and wilma flinestone hate you for not knowing that barney and betty rubble hate you too. shaq hater you because you are small and because you dont read the blog. wilt chamberlain has already had coffins made for you when you die he hates you so much. and so do all those women he boned. barney the purple dinosaur and snuffaluffagus hate you because it is your fault the site isnt more kid friendly. the king from burger hates you because we told him to. magilla the gorilla, modonna, evel and robbie knievel hate you because you smell so bad they can smell your stank ass even when they are doing there most favorite things. shredder and splinter have joined teams because they hate you. mario and luigi broke up because you suck so much. now mario is with sonic and luigi is boinking the lady in the metroid outfit and lara croft. mayor otis johnson and former mayor floyd adams hate you for the recent crime hike in our beloved town. all the people of djibouti hate you because it was you who caused erosion. the democrats in congress hate you because you really started the war, and the rebulicans in congress hate you because you used all the gas and raised the prices. everyone who ever on the price is right hates you because bob barker told them it was you who was drinving the oil tanker that spilled the oil in the artic and killed all the whales and cute seals and stuff. brown and black bears alike dislike you because you are the reason the bees have been disappearing. all of the bloods hate you because we told them you started the crypts and all the crypts hate you because we told them you started the bloods. everyone on the third coast hates you because you started hurricane katrina, and everyone in montana hates you for starting hurricane rita before that one. everyone who wears their hats tilted one way or the other hates you because you are el nino. monkeys in asia hate you because you started global warming and monkeys in africa hate you because you invented genocide. jews hate you because we told them you were hitler. dave chappelle hates you because you arent funny. walter kronkite hates you because you made his grass die. borat hates you because you told kazakhstan his movie was making fun of them. pamela anderson hates you because you dont love her boobs enough. tommy lee hates you for the smae reason, plus kid rock and bret michaels. howie mandel hates you because you made his hair fall out. doogie howser hates you because you made him go gay. little richard hates you because you dont think that the tutti fruiti is all rooti. mcdonalds worked all around the world hates you because you were the first to point out that the mcrib is shaped like ribs but has no bones. my brother in law doug hates you because it is you fault that the mcrib is a special sandwich what they only sell twice a year for two weeks at a time. i hate you because you finished off the a-1 before i started eating my steak. miguel hate you because you told the groundskeepers to blow all the leaves into his car right after he got it detailed. darcy hates you because you are shorter than she is and you started malaria, and she really hates that. anna hates you because you are the snitch who snitches on everyone who goes to jail after being snitched on. the los angeles lakers hate you because you made shaq leave. all of detroit and really all of michigan hates you because you told barry sanders he should retire early. you fuckin ass. the birdman hates you because you hid the keys to the birdmobile and deactivated the bird call return function. eightball and mjg and the whole youngbloodz crew dotn like you because you dont like cadillac pimpin. david banner doesnt like you because you made poor mississippians poor. black folks hate you because they didnt get their 40 acres and a mule. asians hate you because you took away there ability to grow tall. mexicans hate you because you white people and black people to lazy to do the shitty jobs. white people hate you for the BET and integration. indian folks hate you because you made curry smell funny. perverts hate you because you bleep out the good stuff on regular cable channels. short people hate you more everytime someone tells them they are short. fat people hate you more everytime someone offers them a second helping. people with brown hair hate you because you wear tight pants. men hate you because you have a lazy eye and it makes them think you are giving them a dirty look and women hate you because it makes them think you ugly ass is undressing them with your eye. old people hate you because bread doesnt cost a penny anymore. young people hate you because they cant watch dora the explorer whenever they want. the olsen twins hate you for making them twins. paris hilton hates you for making her be in the movie which led to more sluttiness(she figured what the hay after the first movie) the girl from clarissa explains it all hates you for pete and pete going off the air. reginald vel johnson hates you because his name isnt black enough. country music stars around the world hate you because we told them you invented rap. walt disney doesnt hate you, he doesnt hate anyone, but if he did it would be you. 50 cents hates you because it is your fault he didnt come up with a better name. the 1972 dolphins hate you because you are helping the patriots achieve a perfect season. moby dick hates you because you made him white. dirt hates you because that is all dirt does. harry from harry and the hendersons and alf hate you because people dont think they was real. gonzo fozzy the bear and balto all hate you for different but very real reasons which they will not divulge. omaha nebraska hates you for whipping out the indians and the indians hate you for killing all the buffalo. the buffalo bills from buffalo new york hate you because you helped canadians with there universal health care plan and they cant get in on it. ronald reagan hates you because you didnt like his movies. samuel l jackson hates you because you dont think he always yells and you didnt believe that there were mother fuckin snakes on that mother fucking airplane, because there were. that girl on the plane who got bit on the tit by the snake hates you because you just looked at her titties rather than helping pull it off. the grand canyon hates you for every joke someone tells about where to find a lot of crack and then they show them the grand canyon. sand paper sally hates you because you like the scabs on you pizza. saddam hussein hates you because he is fucking mean.
welll i guess i had more on my mind than i thought hope all you lucky readers enjoyed it. and as always be easy on the sauce. tommy

Groundhogs Day might be the best holiday movie ever

As we all know Bill Murray is a freakin genius with no lack of brilliance to slow him down. And he has been in many great films in the past. But when you think about it this movie had one of the greatest concepts ever. What if you were stuck in one day for ever? You wouldnt age. you could learn all sorts of stuff about people and then mess with them. and you could really do anything you want as we saw in the film he couldnt even die. so like if he was having a bad day he could jump in front of a truck and then he would wake up in his bed. Granted that song he always woke up to was annoying but it made the movies more realistic. Well when i got to work it was friday and now it is saturday. i have all the time in the world to get my sunday beer. it will be an excellent sunday also. i do have to work but i will get to watch the game first and hopefully it is starting early like the lady said so i might get to drink a couple of beers.
on the subject of work i dont hate working. but i dont really like it. if i were rich i would keep a job but an easy one like a bagboy at a grocery store or something that they can hire special folks for. if they can do it i sure hope i can. now i am not downing on special folks, we feel your pain, but seriously you arent special everyone knows that. who ever cane up with that is a jack ass. making them feel special. why couldnt they have just been called different. being different isnt bad. if it was no one would like me. i am tall, and handsome, and generally annoying. i fart alot and i am a know it all. Even i hate know it alls thats how i know that i am annoying. plus i have an ignoring problem. when people start to talk about stuff i dont like my brain deactivates. there seriously isnt anything i can do to stop it. i have been conditioned this way. when i was little my mom would start talking and my brain would turn off and we wouldnt have to argue because while my brain is turned off i am good at adding uh-huhs and alrights at just the right time to make it seem like i am listening. some may call it a blessing, i know i do, but many others hate it. mostly those who talk to me regularly and have witnessed it or felt the effects on their own. another thing about me that people dont like is that i am an asshole and i think my shit doesnt stink, metaphorically speaking because my shit does stink and really bad. well that was a good rant time for me to get my audit on. yall be easy for sheezy. DRINK BEER IN THE SHOWER.

don't get in barney

The gun man's work at it's very finest ladies and genitals. Now, for some of the nikia, first, you gotta love the non blocking, ya see here at the old soto, they got that bap ass web sense, and it blows dogs for quarters-no joke. Moving right along, i got 8 hours to ride tonightm it's gonna be crazy, and if i'm lucky i'll prolly end feeling fly the whole way there. I got some funk to listen to as well, so the only problem? I have to go at it alone. Which sux too. Now pot roast? That never EVER sux at all in any shape form or fashion what so ever, but tonight there will none, and that sux too. The gun man is right about those but hole munching yankees as well, yankees are like that first wad of gum on the bottom of your brand new shoe, you see it, swipe at it, but it's there to piss you off from now on. Dam, yankees. The height of tonight was holding a big ass ball python at the Oatland Island beastly fest, i used to own one but fate would not allow the enduring of his presence so to speak. Anyhow, lay off the soda annd preserve your kidneys aight. If you get invited to candy mountain tell that cute prick to shove it up his ass with a stove pipe stinger, we'll check ya'll on the flip side, big shouts to the gun man on his flaring return and dashing blog. Nikia out

Are you aware of the Blackness?? YOU SHOULD BE

Well folks as my good friend nikia has foretold i hath returned to take my rightful place on the blog. and i have quite the blog for you today. As you may already know my new position at my new hotel is night audit. and that basically means i have lots of time to blog and look at stuff on the internet. Today is the first day of february and it is a grand month. Not only is my the month of my oh so notorious birthday but also George Washington and Abe Lincoln were born in the FEB. Now I realize by now you are yelling at the computer screen that it is also Black Awareness month( as you should be able to tell from the title of this blog)but neither of those former presidents were black. I think they should have picked a different month that more influential black people were born in. Like they probably should have chosen what ever month MJ was born in. I know i want to be like mike and i also know that all my black comrades enjoy his shoes. So it could be like a discount on his shoes that month because we all know that they are stupid expensive. Even if you are in the jordan fan club you still have to pay alot of money for those shoes. i bought 5 pairs of my shoes for the price of 2 pairs of jordans and mine are way sweeter and more comfy. although i have found they dont make me play basketball better. i am just naturally good at everything. ask anyone. Now the super bowl is coming up this weekend however i must work. Luckily though it starts early and i dont work till late so i can probably knock back a few and then be ok to work. I think it will be a good game but you never can tell with these things. I mean the patriots have been kicking some ass this year. And despite my extreme distaste for yankees and their brood i must say they just might win. Although now that i think about it both teams are yankees fuck them.
Alright now to answer the questions i know you have all been dying to ask me. Firstly i did get fired but it wasnt all my fault. Well yes it was i was stupid. After that job i went to Wasabis a shitty asian restaurant. If any of you out there have ever worked for asians you can imagine just how shitty it was. If not i would describe it but without my excellent japanese-english accent it loses its flavor and spice. Then i applied to all the hotels downtown. However i had bad timing and all the scadsters came back and took all the good jobs. So i ended up with this nice night auditing job right next to river street. I get to come in late. I can sit down. I can look at anything on the internet. Thats right nikia no blocks here. And i print out some stuff easy as pie.
Now for my conclusion. In this month of reflection i think that they should get that one episode of the boondocks when Martin Luther King Jr comes back from a coma and isnt pleased with what he sees. And they should project it onto a big screen in forsyth park. I think it would be good times. plus there would probably be a riot. After the MLK episode they should play the one with white heaven. Damn that shit is funny. Alrighty then hombres yall enjoy this comeback there will be more tomorrow and the day after that. And all you none readers dont forget about all the m-fing coming your way if you dont get on the band wagon.