Why I Hate Most Comics

Well folks it isnt completely the fault of the people who make the comics. oh no it is mostly the fault of people who read them and their choices of which comics to share. when i worked at the home run video i rented alot of porn to alot of pervs. but i also sold alot of comics to nerds, dorks, and mouth breathers. if you know what a mouth breather is then you know what the type of person this is. they would come in and ask me if i knew where a specific number was at or if we had some unknown comic book. my answer was always the same. i gave them a flat look said i dont know and pointed to the stacks and piles of the books against the wall. i would point and say go now and look for i know not what you are looking for and i most certainly do not care. some of my most joyous times with the comic bookers was when one of them would be in the back and they would start with that mouth breathing thing. my pal evan would hear it and this irritated the shit out of him even though technically he was one of them. this would prompt him to get off the box he was sitting on and shout to the back of the store, which didnt require anything above a regular tone, that if they werent going to make a purchase then they needed to shut their mouths or get out of the fucking store. (we were allowed to be as mean as we wanted because we were the only place downtown where these punks could come and get their fix, so we were) at this point i would start laughing out loud. then evan would laugh with me. hahahah we would say. but then one day it happened. i was over by the comic books rearranging when i saw it. THE BATTLEPOPE. undoubtedly the greatest comic of all time. the battlepope is here to protect us from the demons and such and jesus is his bumbling sidekick. does it get any better? it does. not only does the pope kick ass he gets it as well, and often. he even gets with mary at one point. thats right, the lady all those latinos have airbrushed onto the back of their pickups and such. i was amazed, unfortunately when i discovered the battle pope it was still new and i had to wait each week for a new one to come out. i felt like one of the nerds, heck i was a nerd, fiending for my pope. but i had to have it. luckily i was a clerk there and i had told all my fellow clerks to watch out for when it came out so i could make sure not to miss any. indeed it was good times. but then one week came and no new pope. i was outraged. how could they do this to me. i had just been converted from super ultra cool guy to spastic nerd with dorky tendencies. anywho i guess it turned out for the best because i am now super mega ultra cool again and i am enjoying it. never again will i be tempted by guile of a good comic. ney, i shall say fuck all that from now on. alrighty then gang, i had a little inspiration there and now i am off to find the poor bastard of the day. now dont touch that dial because we will be right back.