When the eyes of the ranger are upon you

Howdy there gang. Im pretty stoked about doing the blog about my main man chuck. while i was looking for a photo of chuck to put on here i noticed that most photos of chuck are either a) with him in front of the american flag b) of him kicking someones ass or c) from a site full of chuck norris facts/jokes/info. something you may have noticed is how i refer to him as chuck instead of mr norris or just chuck norris. this is because i am cool like that. all you people have to call him one of those other names. its almost like how you have to call that guy on harry potter the guy who must not be named, or in the ghetto tha nigga whos name you dont know. but i am not here to judge a book by its cover and we all know you arent either. Also i know many of you enjoyed the parade yesterday. but did you know if you go to google and type in the gold teeth parade the first thing that comes up is us. fuckin sweet right? interesting little fact for you, most of those pictures i found when searching for gold teef, not teeth. bet you didnt know that did you? didnt think so. if you did know then you deserve a dirty dirty diploma from the university of dirty dirty. this word is red. just fucking with you, its blue. but i makes your mind struggle. thats what we are all about here at scrappys, making you use your mind while stengthening it through conditioning and extreme mind exercises. plus we impart lots of knowledge onto you. well gang that was a pretty chuck blog (chuck means awesome now(i just made that up)) so i will be wrapping it up know. hope you all are studying hard and gettin her done. if not we will send larry the cable guy to tell you his jokes until you head explodes, then laugh in your face.

The Gold Teeth Parade

This is going to be sweet.

Mean Miguel V. vs Nasty Nikia J.

Nikia: You look like shit and you smell like ass, any one who looks at you knows son you got no class.
Miguel: That's funny, you talk and ryhme, all you lack is money thats why you walking all the time.
Nikia: The funny thing about you is your mothafuckin face, no matter where you are you always look out of place.
Miguel: You're as nutty as a squirrel and as dumb as a prick, you talk like a girl and your versus make me sick.
Nikia: Shut up nigga, you know you ain't shit, if they put me on a beat my ryhmes would be a hit.
Miguel: Yeah thats wishful thinking, keep yo head above that water cause now your boat is sinking.
Nikia: You call that a ryhme, i can't slap you in the face and fuck ya mother in one line.
Miguel: Me, i like to do it BIG, embarass you in person without even booking a gig.
Nikia: You so lame, you oughtta be shot, your ryhmes lack substance like you losing train of thought.
Miguel: It's funny when your scared, you stutter and tremble and act hearing impaired.
Nikia: You want some then, i pull the steel out and let you meet the men.
Miguel: Yeah, like the men you fuck, you slipping little daddy, and your ryhmes still suck.
Nikia: Yeah, like when you suck my dick, you know my shits tight thats why it make it you sick.
Miguel: Shit, it makes me sick of your mouth, who the fuck you supposed to be talking down in the south?
Nikia: I'm that nigga, the one that no one knows, gangsta is my life right down to my bloody bones, i'm that motha fucker that they call nikia jones.
Miguel: Nikia, what kind of name is that, you must've got from your boyfreind while he was beating out your back.
Nikia: You a prison bitch getting raped everyday, you gotta keep it a secret son we all know you gay.
Miguel: This is what it is, i ryhme with no accord, i ain't gotta pull the steel bitch i'll let you meet my sword. Not afraid of you your face your religion your race. I'm a ride or die soldier i'd kill you in any place.
Nikia: Thats it, thats all you got, i hope not son cause i've just begun to get hot.
This has been a nikia hates miguel production. Just try and be easy out there. Love peace and afro grease fro-eva!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also miss the afroman concert today so i thought i would liven it up a bit with some of that funk straight from the bunk. Ya'll keep it real hold it down and stay pimpin.

Get cha Gangsta On........

Well, hell ladies and gents. It's about that time once again. You may be inquiring as to what the hell i am talking about, but thats for me to know and you to find out. Today has been a total pain with these guys in turbans, earlier i saw them all in the lobby with the head wrapping and there cargo shorts and air shock nike's, it looked like the Al qada started there very own NBA!!!! A little later they all come back and it was like the aladdin fan club broke into the hilton, and now my good ol pals, they're getting into the liquor!!!! I can't wait to this one go down. I mean they got it all, pointy shoes, long froc looking ass shirts, and all of it shiny as aluminum foil. I wanted to asl one of these fuckers if i could maybe buy one of the turbans from the guys in his party, but they were all giving me the stink eye for what ever reason. (HOLY SHIT) Right then where i put the holy shit in parenthasese another one of those shit bags walked by and gave me the fuckin stink eye AGAIN!!!!!!!! These poor motherfuckers, one day i hope that the fashion police invade and make all there women wear flannel forever. I still am a big fan of the turbans though. I'd hide my tarantula in it and take it off to torment all those who hide in fear of the arachnids!!!! People who scare easily are the funnest to fuck with man i'm telling ya!!!! It makes me wonder what these dudes may be afraid of!!! I'll check ya'll lata, as the gun man would say "be easy on the peasy" Nikia Jone$ signing off.

They are making a G I JOE movie hombres

Fuck yea. I came across this and had to put lay it down. I wasnt even planning on blogging today but with this revelation how could i not. They say it ought to be out by august of 2009, but the anticipation may kill me before then. i only barely survived the wait for transformers and that was not even that long ago. Thats really all i had to say but i would like to point out that g i joes where the greatest toy ever. And knowing is half the battle!!

When life gives you lemons you make lemonade.

Alrighty gang im back again. sad to say that my boss got canned today. i was looking forward to getting some days off sometime soon but now that isnt looking so good. we did manage to pinch shanell from the hilton. thats one point for us. and im not so sad about not being at the hilton. while i wish my compadre the best his co-workers are not all grade a people. however most of them are grade a snakes. very highly skilled in the methods of making you feel safe then pulling your legs out from under you and hitting you with a piano. BAM! but if you would like to hear some people conniving against you to get your job by all means head over to the hilton. talk with the front desk managers and upstairs folks, you are sure to hear all the juicy tidbits. they cant ever keep them in, they must tell someone. almost like paris hiltons need to flash her beaver and act slutty. on a lighter note the klingon got busted if you havent seen the poor bastard in jail of the day. that guy is freaky. our pal sonya saw him in a bar chillin one night, very creepy. also it is a mere 11 more days till the moving commences. it will indeed be wonderful. and finally to all you connoisseurs of fake foliage, what the fuck. sure it is easier than real plants and it makes it look like you have plants but no one thinks they are real. while i will admit i am always amazed at how real they can look sometimes but in general people with fake plants are cheap. and as we know if you are cheap enough to buy fake plants you probably arent going to buy the good lookers. i despise them so much i have been known to water them with my own special brew of water. thats right my personal lemonade. well gang it has reached that time and it is time for the rant to cease for now. so yall take it easy. I will leave you with a little bit of a song though. if you can sing the duh duh properly you will know which song it is. it goes like this "I WANNA ROCK duh, duh-duh, duh nuh, duh, duh-duh, duh-nuh, DUH, DUH, I WANNA ROCK"WHOOOOOO

In accordance with the gun man.

A rare thing happened to me yesterday, and i'm not gonna blog about it, instead i will blog in concurrence with the gun man himself. First, all this shit about the laziness, send your kid outside everyday in the summer and don't let them in til it's time for supper, this method of training and breaking in a child is by far one of the most superior ways to ensure that a) they won't be lazy b) they will more than appreciate your house and be less likely to fuck it up while your gone cause they never get to see it. C) (the big one) if you want obedience, beat it in them. The next thing that i myself have noticed is the whole job and money concept. That is just as easy to rememdy as well, get you kid a job asap. This won't just teach them to appreciate all they have and earn, but it will also teach them that this is what life is REALLY like, living to work and working to live, Its just the way of the world, not games and Mcdonalds 24/7. And teach your kids to fuckin cook man!!!!! Shit if you raise some one with no resposibilities and no way to care for themselves you just officially raised a fuckin idiot!!!! Just like the gun man said though, i ain't perfect, but i am a grown ass man. and i know too many motherfuckers my age that can't even melt butter without a near miss! The worst is these little crybabies, motherfuckers who freak out over anything theydon't get just the way they want it, the only day that supposed to happen is your motherfuckin birthday ya dig? I mean shit man they ain't nobody that goddamn royal. Don't EVER give ya kid some candy till they like 5 or 6, that way they'l still have teeth in kindegarten and they won't bounce off the walls like a damn jackass in heat. The amount of people who give in to their kids is largely accountable for the shittiness in this day and age. The age of an era is not easily persuaded, this almost goes without saying, but the outcome of it could just as easily be pushed another way if people remembered how to hand out an ass whooping. For now that's all i gotta say about that, It's time for nikia to the jay to go sling a deuce! Keep your eyes open, and the wind to your back.

Why the world is going to shit

It is your fault. We all blame you. All you kids born after 1985 are ruining the world. And i dont want to hear your whining about how it isnt your fault. Part of the reason the world is going to shit is because you whine to much. This is a direct result of parents not beating their children properly anymore. Even a spanking would help you bastards. What we got when we were bad was no a mere spanking. Oh no. My mom would grab whatever was closest, generally something wooden. And start beating me with it. I think she enjoyed the sound of the wood cracking when she hit me hard enough. Another reason the world is going to shit because of you is video games. at least we were old enough when nintendo came out that we had some years of experience in playing outside. You fuckers need ever thing handed to you. Just take your punk ass outside, find a tree and pretend its a fort. Or at least invent a new game. We invented smear the queer, this is not a game about gays though. Essentially what would happen was one kid would come with the ball. it could be any kind of ball(that was our imaginations working). then the guy with the ball would throw it and who ever caught it would run until he got smeared by everyone else. it was an excellent game and it helped us to stay slim. back in the day there werent chubby little kids. another game we had was kick the can. this game has many different rules, we mainly played two ways. first you use a crushed can as a ball(imagination again) then you could either set up two goals made from whatever you had with you. generally peoples shirts would end up being goals. or you could play the street version. this was usually saved for when you had to walk somewhere (thats right our moms didnt have minivans to take us everywhere you fuckin pansies). This method involves kicking the ball, can, down the street as you walk. The trick is to keep it in front of you, thats the genius of using the cans see. The can is oddly shaped and thus when kicked it goes in all sorts of directions. another reason the wolrd is going to shit is private school. now i realize that i am a preppy bastard who went to a private school, however the difference between me and you is that i am older and we went outside during lunch to play killer ultimate frisbee. this is an excellent sport which was subsequently banned halfway through my junior year. the reason we called it killer ultimate frisbee was because we added tackling to it. let me explain. in regular ultimate frisbee you throw it and the guy who catches stops in two steps and then has time to throw. in killer ultimate the person throws it and then the guys catches it. once caught you must start looking for someone to throw it to because no doubt someone is sprinting at you full speed looking to tackle you as hard as they can. thats what makes it fun. and finally for the last reason the world is turning to shit because of you. its because you are soft. after a lifetime of video games and internet porn your weak body and mind are no match for your elders. it should work the other way(check out my old people blog for reference to the way things ought to work) we the older are smarter because of our years and we know what people ought to do. unlike you pansies, with your tight pants(losers), goth (dorks), computers (computer kids), art(scaggots), volkwagon beetles (douches), personalized license plates (fucking losers), pants that have zippers to make them shorts (spazes), and so many other faults that i cant think of now. and i am sure you are all crying and saying to yourself that i am not perfect and that my shit does stink and i have faults to. well i agree now i will tell them all to you. firstly i could be faster and stronger. and secondly i am too handsome and it makes all the ladies go wild. thirdly, well there is no thirdly i am as close to amazing as you can get for being born in 1985. oh yea also i forget stuff but at least i can concentrate you a-d-d bastards.

Why I Hate Most Comics

Well folks it isnt completely the fault of the people who make the comics. oh no it is mostly the fault of people who read them and their choices of which comics to share. when i worked at the home run video i rented alot of porn to alot of pervs. but i also sold alot of comics to nerds, dorks, and mouth breathers. if you know what a mouth breather is then you know what the type of person this is. they would come in and ask me if i knew where a specific number was at or if we had some unknown comic book. my answer was always the same. i gave them a flat look said i dont know and pointed to the stacks and piles of the books against the wall. i would point and say go now and look for i know not what you are looking for and i most certainly do not care. some of my most joyous times with the comic bookers was when one of them would be in the back and they would start with that mouth breathing thing. my pal evan would hear it and this irritated the shit out of him even though technically he was one of them. this would prompt him to get off the box he was sitting on and shout to the back of the store, which didnt require anything above a regular tone, that if they werent going to make a purchase then they needed to shut their mouths or get out of the fucking store. (we were allowed to be as mean as we wanted because we were the only place downtown where these punks could come and get their fix, so we were) at this point i would start laughing out loud. then evan would laugh with me. hahahah we would say. but then one day it happened. i was over by the comic books rearranging when i saw it. THE BATTLEPOPE. undoubtedly the greatest comic of all time. the battlepope is here to protect us from the demons and such and jesus is his bumbling sidekick. does it get any better? it does. not only does the pope kick ass he gets it as well, and often. he even gets with mary at one point. thats right, the lady all those latinos have airbrushed onto the back of their pickups and such. i was amazed, unfortunately when i discovered the battle pope it was still new and i had to wait each week for a new one to come out. i felt like one of the nerds, heck i was a nerd, fiending for my pope. but i had to have it. luckily i was a clerk there and i had told all my fellow clerks to watch out for when it came out so i could make sure not to miss any. indeed it was good times. but then one week came and no new pope. i was outraged. how could they do this to me. i had just been converted from super ultra cool guy to spastic nerd with dorky tendencies. anywho i guess it turned out for the best because i am now super mega ultra cool again and i am enjoying it. never again will i be tempted by guile of a good comic. ney, i shall say fuck all that from now on. alrighty then gang, i had a little inspiration there and now i am off to find the poor bastard of the day. now dont touch that dial because we will be right back.

Je voudrais un sandwich

Alrighty campers its time for another installment of the old sandford smarts. i dont really have all to much to blog on today. the jesus told us of the derangels departure from the hiltony hilton. i am sure that makes everyone more happy. plus the day of the big move is coming up fast. we all survived through st patricks day, and not even one of the gang got pinched. while i didnt get to enjoy the holiday myself i do have some good news in the future. i am hoping for some days off. i may not get any this week but when i move i will get some days off. another good thing which i have started to enjoy is the look on the parkers peoples faces when i come in at 7 am and buy an 18 pack. they give me the dirtiest looks. but i just say fuck them. stupid gas station workers. alrighty gang not to much today hopefully i will get some inspiration back when i get some days off. until then keep your fingers crossed for the story of all stories.

Shittin' gold bricks!!!!!!!!

Well, the title says it all people. Last night was a crazy motherfucker of a night. Let me start at the beginning and when i come to the end i will stop. My night started at 7:45p.m. I actually got off work a little early. You see i am in the same boat as my comrade with being on the schedule non stop and shit. I have worked the past 6 or 7 days utterly alone. That includes all the party days and all the way until 11 pm or say every fuckin night. Anthow, i gets off the job at 745ish, i got two free drinks at the pinkie masters bar so i head straight there to start the night off with a couple of irish car bombs. Then ol boy gives me a ring and i meet with him and his sister at the civic center where we proceed to the savannah smiles place, a place i don't really like but the drinks and music make for the best of times, i leave about 20 minutes later and the fun begins with these two pigs on a four-wheeler two seater cart thingy, as i'm walking by and there passing me the words "get the fuck out the goddamn way," can be heard clearly, which in turn makes me want to throw something at the both of them, but i was in the company of other people so i had to keep the low key frame of mind. As i am rounding the corner where i stashed my ol truck, what should i see but my old chum liz from over at corleone's. We talked and drank for a few moments then she offered me and my lady a free dinner there that night for a small favor in return, i agreed and my ol' lady calls me and lets me know the time has come to do it big, so i'm heading for the truck once again and i thought that i had just went blind for a second or maybe my eyes couldn't contrast the light correctly, (an eye problem that runs in the family) but then i stop and look all around and what should be going down but the lights!!!!!!!! The traffic was insane, i took a step into churchills and what should i step into but a beer ransacking! I walked over to someone and asked what was up and a few cans of miller light ( i discovered the brand once i got back out on the street) hit me in the chest, which i catch as quickly as possible and procede to the door where i hear "beer raid" and look to see that this is going on in about 7 or 8 places aong this street as well. I'm still headed for the truck and all is going well with the loot i just got and the fact that i'm sipping on the street and not worried about the fuzz, hell i even knocked a few things over for good measure, and would you beleive not a damn thing happened? Too much chaos for the poperallies to start harassing ya boy over little shit. Any way, i get to the truck and head home as soon as i get the keys to turn the engine over and on, and what should happened next? 80 mile an hour traffic all the way the crib!!!! Once i get to the ol homestead there's a fuckin block party going on, it was awesome, i met "pee-bo" and another dude named danny, both packing coronas and cooler than a polar bear's toenails!!!! We relax outside for a while and then we get up under the roof that the back door of the van makes, cause of the rain, after about a good 45 minutes of chillin hard like ice

What a day what a day

Well pimps and pimpettes here we are again. another end to another glorious evening. i chatted it up with one of savannahs finest all night long. so the next time i head off to jail i will have a friend waiting with a smiling face. as for mr jones earlier blog i managed to find the punk with the road rash face on the chatham county jail thing. his name is Jason Matthew Delgrosso. nice face jackass. As for other updates it is now only 16 more days till we move and an unknown number of days until the feast. unfortunatly i havent had any days off since last friday and it doesnt appear as though any are in sight since i am on the schedule everyday till sunday the 23rd. this causes me much pain as i dont get to hang out with my friends and on the off chance that they should call me i have to say that i have to work at 11 and thus cant drink or do very much at all. on the upside my sleeping is going well. i havent had anymore than 24 hour days in at least a week and a half and i am feeling like a million bucks wrapped in transformers wrapping paper, with a garfield get well card on top. as far as the poor bastard in jail of the day goes we will be changing the format a bit for the holiday. for the today and tommorrow i will give you the most holiday inspired folks who went to jail. meaning they have on some st pattys stuff. in doing this i am hoping to get on old lady all decked out with stuff but as you will find the two guys for today are only sorta in the spirit. but what the fuck ever i get to pick. anywho i know the pictures in the blogs is pretty cool but i am going to cool it on that for a while, at least until i figure out how to make them not be at the top everytime. that really pissed me off how the two guys who need to wear their hats less were at the top of that other one, i mean come on i worked hard enough just to figure that much out. on a sad note i found the youngest hooker to date. born in 1990, making here no more than 18. just fucking sad. get a damn job at mcdonalds, it might pay as well as your blowjobs to diseased old men but you wont have all their diseases. plus who really likes old balls. in college i knew this one chick who was 18 and her boyfriend was 45, i think, but she said she liked him because he romanced her. i said bull shit. another chick also 18 i think was dating this firefighter who was almost 50. she said she liked how he was a firrfighter. i said he was just a dirty old man. but as we all know what i think rarely matters to anyone but myself. sometimes b.h. cares too.

Asphalt, death, and sweat.

Today men and girls, i got outta bed at the crack of dawns ass and got to drinking, then i went downtown and watched people act all drunk and irish, then it all went down like a plane crash( careful readers this may burn like a bad ass perm!!!!) I had to work so i did some sobering up and shaving (to the face) then the roads were blocked off so my homie drops me off as close as possible, it was on this walk to the hilton that i saw it. First, there was alot of poperallies watching, me? I walking chillin, cadillac 3-wheelin, this popo says "take a step back you too close to the rail!" so i does and then two meat heads commence to yelling at one another about the blarney stone, then it leads to a shoving match, and the cops aren't even watching! They scuffle to the ground and a few thuds and swings later, there in cuffs and a cop car looking dumb as fuck and mad as hell, one of the dudes had a little road rash up the left side of his face, then the punch line, the aresting officer says, " so much for the Blarney stone eh you fucks?" FUCKIN CLASSIC as it can be. Later on in the day a very good compadre of mine almost got into a fight with 3 other motherfuckers cause they busted out his window, i would've gladly lent hm a hand in handing out the discipline for such an offense but such was not the case. I also have a little vendetta of my own to settle and i can't hardly wait to do it!!!! Ya'll may not like brussell sprouts or lima beans or mustard, what ever i don't care. But if you could see this dumb ass cockcucker that tried to tread on me you would love the fact that i got his number and his ass whoping hand in hand with my unregistered deadly weapons! (My mits goddamnit!) I'm no sucker but this ass munch is putting hoover and dirt devil outta business. WHy the hostility you may inquire, well it is racially based and he doesn't even know how to lie when he's trying. I'll havelater updates as they come through on that one for ya's. Today, i have decided to share a recipie as well, you will need the following, one lemon, chicken breast (raw and thaw), as many as you want. You will need at least a half cup of olive oil, cloves, parsley, (4 tablespoons each). Mix the lemon juice and parsley with the olive oil, then you'll need butter and a whole sliced tomato and green bell pepper. Take the chicked breast and lay em across a pan that is oven safe, pour the mixture of oil and parsley over the meat and lay the slices of pepper and tomato on top of the based chicken, then take cloves and lay a thick layer of cloves over every thing. Allow it all to cook coverd with aluminum foil for at least 45 minutes at 400 degrees, take out and put butter on the top of the chicken in square peices every 2 to 3 inches apart. Cook up some pasta and serve the chicken over it, if you brown your noodles use garlic mixed with butter while sauteeing in oil, it is the bomb diggity. This has been a Nikia Jone$ dodgin toes and smacking hoes! PEACE!!!!!!!!

St Pattys Day

Well peeps we made it once again. I love this holiday more than probably any other. but i have something to talk to yall about today that is a little more on the serious side. what might that be you say? well let me tell you before you go off the handle with the questions. It has to do with why wearing hats all the time is not so good. now dont get me wrong i love some hats, however eventually you will have to take it off and then you will look stupid. here are too of the culprits now. well they are up at the top at least. just look at those silly bastards. oh yea and an even younger girl got caught for prostituting than that other one. just fuckin sad. i mean where do all these young hookers come from. my theory is jacksonville, its a dirty place, and as all of us up here in georgia know things in florida are just a bit shittier. well gang short but sweet today. hope it was good enough, if not just read yesterdays again. yall come back you ya here?

I am thinking oochie wally wally but i am doing oochie bang bang

Welcome back once again gentlemen and ladies. i dont know if you have noticed but i changed up some stuff and added a new map. the map is so we can track how many countries crave the scrappys. plus if you go way down to the bottom you can see this picture i made. i has a fat dog and a message from the dog to whoever is talking to it. i was pretty stoked when i put it up. plus on the right side i additionally added the poor bastard in jail of the day. i figured if i am going to look anyhow i may as well give yall an incentive to hunt for when looking yourselfs. its kind of like wheres waldo but with real people, who are criminals. i havent gotten around to putting a new one of those up yet but i figured yall probably havent read it yet so i am giving you a little extra time to do so. following that line of thought i think we have found the hottest prostitute in savannah, yes indeedy. you guessed it it was that blond whose friend has a permanent frown. i feel she owes her looks to her age, because as we all know old whores look extra bad. especially when they have been into the crack for some time. so where ever she is, if she will come down to the studio where we put this all together she can claim her prize. one half eaten sandwich and a coke and 20 bucks.
also we have good news. we will be officially moving on the 1st of april to the new house. undoubtedly we will get in touch with the comrade and his misses to partake in some eating and some drinking. then some smoking, cigarettes of course. and for sure we will play the playstation 3 with the racing game i have. it is indeed a joy to play it. why just this morning i was playing. sometimes i almost forget to sleep i want to play so much. alrighty then gang just wnated to stop in for a second and give some updates. remember to check out our now regionlly famous pro and yall come back now ya hear?

Supa-Dupa Fly

And here i am again just as predicyed with the number two blog of the day folks. I would like to tell about the shots to the head i've had in the past. Let's see, the fist good one i can remember, i was climbing an old ass oak tree with my two little sisters and one of them got stucked so i climbed to where she was and unforntunately the limb i was hanging on fuckin broke and we hit the ground together, me on the bottom head first with the huge limb in my lap. I'm not sure what my head hit but i was woozy and sick to my stomach for a good minute. The next one was on a trampoline, i was getting bounced up and down by my uncle and cousin and one good jump had me hurtling through the air upside down and into the swing set in front of the trampoline, I didn't wake right up from that one, i woke up the next morning with a massice headache and a goose egg right in front of my left temple. The next head shot came from chopping wood for the first time. I had been chopping away for a good hour, the i got to this oak that was still green, and hard as cement. I wind up with the ax and it hits dead square in the middle of the log, but the log doesn't let go, i pick it up above my head to slam it all down together on the ground and as sure as shit stanks the log came loose 3 feet above my noggin and both come down and knock my lights out for a good hour and a half. Once in the trailer park this guy had a swing chain with a two by four (a board) with some nails sticking out of the end of it, he swung it at my cousin mo-mo and missed me and him, but when the chain recoiled the board swung uupward into the air and the nails caught me in the nose, i still have a peice if the nail that hit me buried deep inside my right nostril, that shot to the dome left me knocked out for 5 hours where i woke up in the hospital with a big white light shining through me. That was probably the most intense shot to the head ever. The next one was in the middle of a baseball game at collins elementary school in the left feild where me and "goose" went for the same high hit that was about to smack into the fence, and i ended up between his knees and the fence pole, i felf that one and i actually stood up and stated to walk it off but when i looked up goose was talking to me in super slow motion and the light was blurring together with everyone's faces and i woke up on a stretcher in the back of the ambulence sitting next to the ball feild. One of the worst head shots came from my dear old dad. I tracked some dog shit into the house and didn't even know it so i go back outside where i am helping dad fix the lawnmower, he sends me in again to get him the longest screw driver in his tool box but decides to come in and get himself a glass of water he sees the dog poopy and splits his wig, then he splits mine open with the fuckin microwave, the shot was the one that pissed me off the most. For now sportsfans i'll have to leave it all at this particular stopping point. the man is watching and i gotta drop a deuce. Peace

They call me Magilla

Yes indeed it is true some of my friends do call me magilla, but this blog isnt about that. this is about what old people could be used for so as they dont just weigh down the system. first things first lets talk about how they weight down the system. first they walk slow and drive slow, this just plain slows stuff down and that is not good. also they are argumentative, once again makes stuff slow and very irritating. old people forget stuff alot, this makes them just a pain in the ass. also old folks smell, no one likes a smelly old guys. similarly they like moth balls , which also stink. their teeth fall out at the most inconvenient times. they need glasses and walkers and oxygen tanks, way too much equipment.
now for what they could do to be useful, i like walmarts idea first off. greeting is easy and out of the way. i think they should take it one step further though. they ought to be greeting door stops. just prop them out there in front of the door and let them greet away. if you want you can stuff her afghan up under the door so as to help keep it shut. another use would be knitting for the homeless. one of tyhe uses me and my chum b.h. have thought about since we were youngins was that maybe they could be turned into glue or wood chips, something to help people out for all the inconveniences of the past. the old lady hair could be used to make dolphin safe nets and old mans ear hair could be the cure to bronchitis and the key to finding out what the gall bladder really does.
now i wish to congratulate nikia on his fine amount of knocks to the head. i cant claim many specific knocks to the head but i have had my share of dangerous times, let us review them now shall we? when i was in 2nd grade i was outside at night and we were playing hide and seek. as i was getting up to run i banged my head on this sign. i didnt realize but when i went inside i had an inch and a half long gash on my forehead. 16 stitches. my dog was outside one time playing when this mean dog came up and started fighting with him. without thinking i jumped in to save my dog. i got bit up. three deep cuts into my arm and plenty of nasty scratches on my hands. one time i was riding my bike through the woods near my house. i guess i stopped paying attention because the next thing i knew i ran into a tree. that tree had a hive of bees in it that chased my back to my house. i got between 10 and 15 stings. three on one hand two of which were on the same knuckle. another i was riding my bike, as i came upon this tree that was too low i ducked under it. as i did this i smacked my teeth on this bar on my bike. broke two teeth in the front. very painful. another time i was grabbing at a ball as another kid was kicking it. he kicked my in the mouth, rebreaking those teeth. when i played football there were a few dooseys. most of which were unexciting just me at my6 little time being crushed by huge guys. the worst time of all was my senior year. i was coming around the corner, and i was grinning because i was fixin to make the tackle, when this fullback who is crouched down launches himself head first into my penis and balls. i went down and had to limp to the sideline. i stayed out till we went out about 10 minutes recovering. another time i was untangling myself from the grip of this fat ass guard when all of a sudden the tackle sandwiches me giving me a nasty concussion. i could taste blood for about three hours after that. one day after i had just sprayed a whole shit load of the shower cleaner in the shower i was fixin to get into the shower and shower. as soon as i put my foot on the floor it slipped out from under me going to the left as i fell into the door frame and floor on the right. broke one bone in my foot and couldnt get up for 15 minutes, that one doesnt sound like much but let me tell you it hurt like a bitch. i have shut my finger in many a door, everyone knows how much that hurts. now for some painful ball storys. in high school i had to change the way i sit because of this. when you sit down in a desk you put your butt in first then twist so your legs are under the desk. i have balls which hang and when i would turn they would get caught between the desk chair and my leg causing intense pain. then when you cry out everyone thinks your an idiot for hurting yourself sit down. you must be careful when you sit. i already told my football and nut pain story. when i was in college i engaged in much stupid behavior. one of my favorite things was to get drunk and challenge people to ro sham beau. this is the game where you kick someone in the nuts and if they dont fall they get to kick you back. my trick was that i would always explain the rules and then i would say and you can go first. this generally scares people and then they dont want to play. however my buddy mark, whom had been asked countless times, finally took me up on it. luckily i was so drunk i dont remember. the worst part was that for about a week after mark would always apologize when he saw me. i never knew why so eventually i asked him what he was sorry for. this is what he told me. he said that he had got sick of being asked only to say no, so this time he said yes. i was apparently very excited and got right into my ro sham beau stance. he then kicked me. i went straight to deck holding my bits and pieces and moaning. all in all it was a good game and i will never ever play again. well thanks for stopping by and stay classy out there. until next time this is muddy waters signing off

Cat hair, food, and my chair.

Well ladies and ladiesmen. Here i am once again, posted up, chillin, killin, and willin to die. My favorite thing about today is everything! I just arrived home to discover that i am not fired, my cats have the truest of loyalty deep within there little cat chests' where there little loving cat hearts' beat. I am richer today from all the experience i have acquired in the past two days. I crossed swords, had my first bloody mary, ate my first (wendy's) spicy chicken sandwhich, drove over 100 miles per hour for over and hour and a half, and the whole while i was half asleep almost. I got to give a big shout to the gun man with his seculent and savory 100th blog. That motherfucker is so cool my monitor has ice cubes popping out of it when i pull it up. The next couple of things on my list are easy to do and readily available type things. They range from chill-laxing, and subtracting. The height of the day was a hoe-faced fight at a gas pump with me and the lady. Then, it was smooth sailing all over again. You that feeling when you have fucked up and are expecting the worse? Like a case of the mud butt, or breaking something irreplacable of your moms or something? The drive home was plagued with these feelings. Then, i get here just to find out that it was all good in the hood!!!! I may go and fire up the ol granada and see if it still is gonna ride or die with me. I know it all seems a little vague this time around my fellow bloggers, but there will be much more soon enough! i may even blog twice in one day! That should make up for the gun man and his making it to the 100th blog. "The sun is shining, but the ice is slippery" is all for now you fuckers. Be easy, never sleazy. Nikia to the motha fuckin J out!!!!

Short yet oh so sweet.

There are many things in this world which may be considered short yet sweet. up until today the spring forward daylight savings was not one of them for me. because as we all now spring forward means one hour less sleep. unless you sleep in the day time. instead of an hour less sleep i got an hour less work, of course i realize ill have to work an hour more in the fall but i am going to try to avoid that like the plague and annoying little snot nosed kids. this time i was lucky. now lets talk about some other times i was lucky. one time i found 50 bucks in my buddys back yard. that was pretty lucky. one time me and B.H. were walkin down tybee fixing to go home and we found some money on the ground. it was like 100 bucks. well we spent that shit like people who spend money real fast. we went and got sno cones and then we went and did that relaxing thing. and we listened to cheeba cheeba by tone loc. he was a great guy. anyhow back to times i got lucky. one time i was driving my old ladies friends raider back to college and i ran out of gas like a mile from school. unfortunately i was on my way to take my first french test of the year. and that wasnt because we hadnt had any yet, i had just slept through the first two. luckily old willie the janitor saw me and remembered how nice i was and gave me a lift. i made it so class on time and got an a on my test. that just goes to prove that always being on time doesnt make you smart. another time i woke up and i was 10 minutes late to class, so i sprinted across campus to u.s. history for our first test. i made it into class huffing and puffing and i was allowed to stay. about 2 weeks later the same thing happened and once i again i sprinted across the campus to make it sort of on time. but this time when i got there i was told i could just go back to bed as i was being given a withdraw fail. i tried to explain that i was from georgia and i couldnt help it but that excuse apparently only works with girls and yankees. fuckin yankees. well i guess that was an unlucky story. i dont believe i have told my story about my friend ripping open his taint yet, have i? well i will tell it again anyway. and for those of you who dont know what a taint is( and taint is the correct scientific term as far as i am concerned) this little diddy will help you remember. it is called the taint because it aint your balls and it aint your ass, or if you are a girl substitute vag or puss, and hatchet wound for balls, or whatever you call your snatch. before i tell the story, because it isnt very long, i will give you the wikipedia thing to it and some synonyms for the word taint. the taint is also known as the durf, grundel, perineum, bonch, choad, choda, the tween, gooch, bridge, the chin rest, nifkin, the abc (ass ball connector). unfortunately as abundant as the internet is i could not find a long list of names for the taint like i did with that thing about the poll. but with that said i would like to say that the abc, may now be my favorite name for it. alrighty so back to my taint ripping story. so we were all out drinking of course, i believe we had been at a hall crawl, when we decided to go back to the dorms and have a little powwow. i sit on the couch and my friend starts to get into his bed. however we are in dorms so the beds are lofted and you have to use your desk chair to get up in it. now my friend, who shall remain nameless, isnt the most graceful especially after multiple drinks, and he is teetering on this chair trying to get into his bed. then it happens, he loses his grip and slip down. his taint lands right on the top corner of his chair, ripping it open. he screamed really loud and before you know it he has figured out that his taint is ripped and i am on the phone to the hospital. but nothing too bad happened, no balls lost or anything like that. so despite 14 stitches to his taint he was okay. alrighty gang i must be off it is 6:45 am and time for me to get some drinks in me. live long and live large you readers, and suck some donkey nuts you non readers

The 100th POST!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!

Well gang it has happened, and ill be honest with you i was worried. not that we wouldnt make it, i knew all along we would, but that my compadre nikia would get to it before me. now i realize it is selfish of me to think this way. but i mean, it is the 100th post. this is a historic day. shit i may take a huge dump and call it the 100. they could make a sweet movie about it like the 300 but the 100. it would be about the struggle to free the 100 from its confines. the real question is would they make a spoof of the 100. seeing as how they always spoof good movies there is a good chance. maybe steven segall(not sure about that one) could be the 100. he does talk soft and squint alot. Another good thing is that in the morning we are hitting the southside to drop off our money so we can get the big house. otis is so excited that she cant contain herself. mainly she is ready to run around in a bigger area but also to see her new backyard pad. plus we wont have to keep the ferrets in the bedroom anymore. hell we might just put them in the living room. then after we move in the real fun starts. we need a whole bunch more stuff. it is true that we have a good bit now for our one room house, but when we get a house with three to four rooms (including the bathroom) we will need new stuff. the tv will need a tv stand or entertainment center, whatever they are called these days. and while i realize that may make me sound like an old fuddy duddy, let me remind you that my house when i was growing up was like back to the future. we had a tv with 13 channels, only 13 there were just buttons for 2 - 13. and yes i realize thats 12 channels but they called it 13. also we had the type of computer that is all in the keyboard. you would connect it to the 13 channel tv and you could type. it was so old it didnt even have pong. it just had hangman, and you had to play with someone else because it wasnt advanced enough to think up its own words. we had a vacuum with two pieces. you dont see that anymore. not to mention our 30's era wallpaper and brown carpets. that house is the same today, except with a new tv and vacuum. but everything else is the same. and mom got a new computer. thats another weirdo, my mom. she can use a computer very well, she knows all the tricks, but she refuses to get a cell phone or even use one. she just says she doesnt know how. i realize it may be tricky for her as we never had a phone with out a cord on it but she is missing out on her e for effort. she is scared of it i think. plus she is crazy. well enough about her. as soon as i am done with this blog all the stuff i was telling yall about is going to happen. the parade is lining up as we speak and the fireworks masters and setting them up. there is an army of waitresses down here starting to pour up the first mugs of delicious brew and some rastas smoking there sweet stinky weed. we even gave the cops the day off and the city is taking a night off from crime. speaking of that, have you ever heard of a city taking a night off of crime. it is some bullshit. when i was doing my community service with the police(mandatory) i had to work at that son of a bitch. kids were committing crimes in the night out on crime. i saw no more than three people throwing stuff at the cops, who were on horses, and because they were up on like a hill but it was like a wall that the horses couldnt get up on the cops could do nothing. so i just sat there and scooped the poop. that was my official job i scooped poop for about 3 hours but i got 15 hours for going after hours. plus i had 200 to do so i was going to be there for a while anyhow. well chums it is time for the party to start so i must be off just you remember that march 6th will forever be the day of the 100th post. im outta here, beam me up jefe.

Just one more

Well folks we made it. number 99, it was a long and grueling task but well worth it. so far we have had 104 people check out our site. whether or not all of you come back i dont know. but i like that think that you do. that is almost one new person each post. pretty amazing stuff. i found this sweet picture today and i am going to attempt to put it on the blog. lets give it a go shall we? it worked!! hahah i am awesome. yall just wait now there will be all sorts of odd things everywhere. i dont just have to change the few pictures on the site. and one more right here just for kicks.i mean how did they not see that coming. alright enough of that tomfoolery. today we found the house we will almost definitely be moving into in the next couple of weeks. it has a small patio and all, very nice. anna is especially excited. the kitties too. everyone will have to come and help us warm it up. and bring drinks too. well gang i know its been fun but i must be off as it is almost time to go home. i promise the next one will be long and excellent.

Bad JUJU

Sadly enough these guys were folks who i know.

I knew i wasnt the only one who liked boobs

Well jackasses, it has happened. i finally found someone who loves boobs more than i. i would like to share it with you now
Wasnt that nice. i mean come on. id like to squeeze some funbags right now. But anyhow on a serious note, we are going to take a look at this sweet house tommorrow. then i go to work two more times. then on friday i have off. this week is shaping up pretty good so far. and the future looks good as well. we will be having the feast. i am going to get another controller for the playstation 3 and another cool game soon enough. also we might get shoot em up for our first action blu ray movie. all in all march ought to be pretty good. and not to mention st pattys day. i am going to get extra drunk. i dont know whether i will be working or not, but when it gets to time for me not to be working you can bet that sure as fire is hot i will be doing some drinking. hell i may even drink some liquor. then ill go to my friends's houses at 9:30 in the morning all smashed. itll be good times. i dont know if yall have been checking the busts in savannah button we have but its ok because no one especially good has been since i put it there. well im fixin to get to some business up here just before the witching hour so ill talk to you cool cats later. but i would like to say one more thing. my dog has problems, he hates cats but he loves pussy.

Welcome everbody to the wild wild west....

This morning i awoke thinking of the time i met my real dad for the very first time. I was 20 years old, i still had a mane that hung well past the middle of my back. We had to fly to texas (me and my 2 lil sisters) and meet him there at the airport, i was all 6's and 7's waiting at the door to see if i could spot him out before he got to the door itself. I thought a few times that he may not even show, but he did, i see this 6' 9 dude with a huge cowboy hat and he was accompanied by another big guy and this one little lady, marta. I sat poised savoring the moment, i let go of the breath that i didn't even realize i was holding..... Then he walked right past me straight to my two sisters. Now, they had seen a picture of him prior to our meeting. And he likewise had seen a few pictures of them, they had talked on the phone some before the meeting had been arranged and we decided to meet at the airport. He asked amanda and darlene where i was, they pointed at me and the look on his face said it all. I really didn't give a fuck for any of what happened next. But mexico, my uncle pocho, (that's right NOT poncho) and my grandparents were all the shit. My real dad kept interogating me as to whether or not i do drugs, then we switched to my religion, then we switched to my clothes. It went on and on. In the end i got my half brother out of it, and marta and uncle pocho were the bomb diggity. I wish to this day that i hadn't went because it made me hate my old dad even more. You see, he had this story about the way things are and the way things were and why he and mom weren't together anymore. But he fucked up in the lying as to how he waited so long to have another family. You see my intuitive audience, my half brother Julio and darlene's ages fucked his shit all up. If what he said had been true julio would've had to have been a little younger. Me and him have a special understanding about the way things are and the way they will be, i hope to bring him down to the dirty dirty this summer!!!! We watched robot shicken ever night and i thought him all about the way and the code of the samurai. I also got to see St. Elmo's fire. that was some scary shit all the way around. I wish juan manuel the best in this life. But i sure as fuck hope i don't have to stand before him and get all those old hatred feelings out and about again. To this day i can't really sat that i love that fucker, but i am glad that i got to learn directly from his ol punk ass. That's it for now from the mind of the man named nikia jones. Ya'll keep away from the man, cause he ain't really trying to keep away from you aight? PEACE!!!!!!!

We need a pitcher, not a belly itcher.

Well then gang okily dokily. once again i am back on the scene doing my thing. not too much exciting tonite going on. my friend the tiler is going back to guatemala tommorrow to look at the girls he says. it will indeed be quiet without them pounding and sawing the tiles late into the evening. why just yesterday they were in here until 3 am just working their little asses off. me, i just stood here and watched, drank some coffee and some water. and of course played video games. i have found a new brand of time wasting, it is a game called protector. intensely exciting yert easy enough that you dont have to give it even half of your attention. but you do anyway because it is so fun. now id like to talk about something more important and upcoming. what is it you say, well i will tell you. it is the government check feast. me and mr jones and our ladies will be having a monster government check sized feast soon enough. what will have though i am sure you are asking. quite frankly i have been thinking that myself alot lately. so far me and my lady have thought that we will make these dank ass orange shrimp. other than that i dont know what else. maybe some oysters? possibly or delicious sandford style chili. maybe we will start the feast with sandford breakfast sandwiches. perhaps some delicious things to drink on. maybe some nice sipping bourbon, some coronas or newcastles. the sky is the limit. well i suppose our stomachs are the limit. maybe i should make some laxative brownies so half way through everyone can take a huge poo and then continue eating. perhaps i will bring some taco stuff and margaritas. never a bad idea. but this is the feast is it good ENOUGH. it must be the highest quality if we are to serve it to our friends. plus we want to eat good stuff to. should we just get big old steaks, or pork chops? green beans or succatash? beer or liquor? white bread or wheat? paper or plastic? the questions keep coming but there are no definitve answers. perhaps we should create a poll for those of you who read often enough. we will put the best of the best and when all the voting is done we will eat the ultimate pick picked by the ultimate pickers. indeed

Letters, Sweaters, & Money getters

Today is a very good day sportsfans. I get to chill hard like ice as soon as i get the hell up outta dat hilton. The other day there was no water in our apartments because an apartment at the front of the place busted a pipe and they had to cut it all off to fix it. I wake up to Shit, Shower, and Shave. Which if you add it all up requires one thing..... Yeah, water. Motha fuckin H2O. That shit sucked ass, then i had this amazing idea, i work at a hotel maybe i can just show up and see if i can cop a room for like 30 minutes and do my thang. I called and got NOTHING. So i figured. Luckily the amount of ideas i have at one time usually range high enough that i have plan A all the way to plan G! But back to why today will kick ass. You see i'm off tommorow so that means the chilling will begin at the strike of 11pm. i may even go to the gun man's lair and see what his 20 is. "They took my rangs, they took my rolex, i looked at the brotha and said damn whats next?" "I laid all them bustas down, i let my gat explode,
now i'm switching my mind back into freak mode" Nate dogg and Warren-g. If you have never heard the song regulators you should be pounding your head on the table. Go ahead, i'll wait a few seconds...... Long enough, if there's no bruise tommorow then you truly suck dog dick for quarters. Well, in closing sportsfans, some serious chilling and dropping and yelling is going down, and if you ain't down it's a tad bit late i guess i'll just have to get Nate dogg and warren g to go ahead and regulate. Nikia to the mothafuckin J smashing the hell out til lata!!!!

Almost no more construction

Soon enough all this damn construction will be done and i will be back to my peace and quiet. but tonite i get it until 4 in the am. also i cant let people i nthe lobby because of the new tile. which is starting to be a pain. i have to go out the backdoor to give them their shit. and of course every jack ass here needs help with something. the really sweet thing about when people dont have shit in there rooms is that if we are full, there is no where to get if from. being unprepared is the name of the game around here. another good thing about this place is the lack of communication. for instance, most of our reservations are the third party type( for all you none hotel types this is things like expedia, orbitz, travelocity that type of shit). the problem with that is that when we get full and no one calls them to tell them they continue to make reservations. this is a problem because these poor people get here after who knows how long of a trip, and there is no room. that means if i am the last one here i have to explain to these poor sad sacks that we dont have a room for them and they must go somewhere else. as you can imagine this doesnt make them smiley. instead it does just the opposite. but enough of that for now. how bout something that will make us all happy. what is that thing you say, well ill tell you. today it is the phrase "fixin to". this doesnt necessarily mean that you are about to repair something. often enough it means about to do something. like one could say im fixin to go to the store, meaning im about to go to the store. or if someone asks hey when are you going to get that stuff, you can say im fixin to. it is a very flexible word although most of its meaning have to do with repair and about to do stuff. well thats this weeks installment of words i like that other people dont. yall be good now ya hear

Nonrefundable

Today i was remembering the time i saw my first jason movie. It was the height of all my summer vacationing at my good ol' grandma's house. She would let us each pick out a movie each week, and everytime it was my turn they never had a good horror flick. I finally asked the guy at the counter what was up with the lack of selection in the scary selection and he readily pointed out the door next to the restrooms, now i'd seen the door too many times before but there wasn't any kind of a sign on it and it had a knob with a key slot leaving one to assume it may belocked any way. But when i got inside, it was scary movie heaven!!!! They had all the child's play movies, the hell rasier series, the entire collection of puppet master, even the blob movies. Then, the question popped into my noodle: why was it all hidden behind this door and not on display for the custeomer to see? I dared to ask and the same, now inseemingly impatient with my asking, fellow told me of the little girl who sued them for pain and duress because of the "graphic" images on the covers of the movies on display, so it had to be removed from sight to allow the store to settle out of court for less than what they were being sued for. I got my money out and he looked at me and asked my age and account number and however unforturnate my darling grandmother had stepped out to the grocery store while we browsed around the movie store and the rest of the strip. I knew they closed in about 15 or 20 minutes so i gave up and settled on just getting up outta that peice. Then, the dude just said to give him the money and he would let me do it big!!!! I got the entire jason series and the lepruchan2 (back to the hood) to relax to later on. But for now ya'll its time to get this forty and my shorty well on there way to a collaberation. Love peace and afro grease fro-eva!