Just a few hints

Hello there my peeps. today is a big day here at the blog. not only is it sunday but i have a very special blog for you. it has all of my hints on life and stuff that i have learned along the way.
my first hint is one that most of you know but i have noticed that lots of folks still dont even try to use this hint. when you go to apply for a job, if you wear a hat with a weed leaf on it you wont get hired. if you apply for a job and you are drunk when you do so you wont get hired. if you smell like a homeless person you wont get hired. and here in savannah, ga if you say you dont go to scad you chances of getting hired triple. why is that, you scaddies are asking? because we hate you.
hint #2 if your wear tight pants people will be able to see your johnson. this also means they can see how small it is. it also means your balls are getting squeezed so tight that you might never have babies. or you could end up like hank hill with a nearul urethra(something like that).
hint #3 no one likes people who smell like hippies. when i say this it doesnt mean we wont talk to you, what it means is that everytime you come around people will avoid you hoping you start talking to someone else first. sorry but its true. you would do better to go to africa where they wouldnt notice you stink over the million other problems that they have.
hint # 4 if you know you are good at something play up your strengths. i have noticed that alot of bastards nowadays play up the fact that they are pansies. dont do that . show everyone that you are awesome at blowing spit bubbles or squirting water from your eyes. sure lots of people will think you are weird but i guarantee you will always have a friend in me. i cant get enough of that shit. also if you arent good at something rather than just never doing it so as not to be embarrassed go and do it at home. i believe it is called practice, and we all know what practice makes(perfect).
hint # 5 dont be an ass. if you are make sure you already have friends so that you will have someone to hang out with. but you must be careful because if you are too big of an ass your friends wont hang out with you.
hint #6 never challenge anyone to ro-sham-beau. even if you think you can win. it isnt worth it. if you dont believe me call up to my old school and ask the 50 people who say me go doing whining and grabbing my sore balls and penis. they will tell you it isnt graceful and certainly not macho. i didnt even get laid, all i got was sore nuts and a free drink at a party where i was drinking for free. this one is important so i will say it again. dont play ro-sham-beau. EVER. but if you do get it on camera and send it to us. we will totally put it on the blog.
hint # 7 masturbating doesnt make you go blind. if it did my eyes would have fallen out by now and the hollows where my eyes were would have taken on a dead looking color. also they would probably stink.
hint # 8 smoking cigarettes doesnt stunt your growth. i have smoked cigs since 2nd grade and i am 6 foot 2 inches. i will say that i dont smoke much or often so that may have been a contributing factor. if you need a good reason not to smoke here is one. it will fucking kill you eventually. and if it doesnt you might get one of those throat boxes or maybe just have to have half of your lung removed. so dont worry about how tall you will be just worry about eventually dieing.
hint # 9 all mens schools are not cool. even if they say there are all girls schools in the area. what that really means is that there are all nasty dyke schools in the area. not the kind you want to see kiss but the kind where you think one is a man until they turn towards you in their wife beaters with no bra on and the sagging boobs just look at you. very frightening.
hint # 10 the greatest mystery in the world isnt how women work. it is figuring out what makes women happy when they are having one of those off days. and this isnt just when aunt flo is in town. everyone has bad moods, even me just much less. but when your lady is unhappy trying to make her happy will piss her off more if you arent careful. luckily i know my ladies secret. it is chocolate. this may or may not work for you, so be careful as you could end up in even more shit than before if you bring the wrong gift.
hint #11 if you invite someone to a baseball game and it isnt thirsty Thursday expect a no. baseball is no longer the american pastime. or maybe it is if that means we used to like it. for that matter if you invite anyone over the age of 19 somewhere and they dont have to do anything else that day but go to bed for the next day and there isnt a beer or two involved you should expect a no. that doesnt mean that everyone is an alcoholic. it just means that we need relaxing time. and now that we are old enough to buy beer or have friends to get it for us we are damn well going to have a couple of tallboys to chill out.
hint #12 giving money to bums is bad.
hint #13 if you have never eaten a food before that someone is offering you try it. as you get older you taste buds lose their powers so try new stuff while you can still taste it. the only bad thing that could happen is that you are allergic and die but that is going to happen anyway so dig in.
hint # 14 if you are religious it is cool. but no one wants to hear it. unless you are at your religious stuff with your other religioneers(people of the same religion- this one should be a word if it isnt.) most importantly never tell people you work with about it unless they ask. first off works sucks to begin with but then to have a debate while at work about some stuff that neither party can prove-come on.
hint # 15 always maintain contact with your friends. if you dont when you really need them they wont be there for you. this may sound sappy but it is very true.
hint # 16 always make sure your ass is covered. no one is going to do so. unless you still live with your parents they might. if you dont you will get fucked down the line, eventually. it may take some time but while you arent covering your ass someone else may notice and start things in motion to fuck you out of something because they know their ass is covered and not yours.
hint #17 relax. being stressed out all the time will kill you faster than anything else. if you think something is so important it cant wait and it doesnt involve someone dieing it probably can wait.
if you dont know how to relax find a lazy person. they can show you the way.
hint # 18 i know the meaning of life. since i am giving out my priceless hints i will give you this too. BEING HAPPY. if you arent happy change your life. that is all there is to it. if your job sucks find a new one then quit, but make sure you have a new better one first otherwise you will be less happy then before. if you dont have a better half as they say or you dont have friends. it might be because you are weird but more likely it is because you dont go and hang out. sure dance clubs are annoying but you dont have to dance. also if you are unpopular you might take up drinking. it may not sound good but drinking is very social. thats why keg partys are called keg parties. we arent there to hang out only. we want to drink and hang out. then when we are all drunk we talk about the other stuff we did when we were drunk. this is the stuff of memories. or even if you dont drink hang out with people who do. then the next day when everyone is talking about how billy got so drunk and pissed his pants you will be laughing to. hell you might even be the guy who immortalizes it because in your sobriety you brought a camera to document it. billy might be pissed at you for a little bit but everyone else will be happy.
well that was more than a few hints but at least one or two of them are good advice. i must be off to the rizzle(residence) know to get some sleep. my sun burn prevents me from walking fast so pray for a fast recovery.