Inventions

Howdy there gang im back again. it is now approaching 5 in the am here at the promenade and i only have two hours left before i dont have to come here again until friday night. well besides this meeting i have to go to this afternoon. anyways i ran out of stuff to look at and read on the internet and i was thinking about what i could do. and then i thought well i could write a blog but about what? i thought wouldnt it be nice to have an idea creator handy for days when i dont have stuff to write about and i dont feel like writing about the pain and suffering coming to the non readers for all their non reading. thus i started this blog about inventions. the first invention i would like to talk about is the idea come-up wither. basically it is about as big as a cigarette pack with a screen on one side and a big red button on the other. when you push this button it comes up with ideas. ideas for anything really, stuff to do outside, stuff to do inside, ways to pass the time at work, things to write about, games to play with your pets, ways to make your children behave more like your pets, and places to go. like if i wanted to find out what to do later today i would just think about later today and push the button. if i know me, and i think i do, the screen will probably read like this "go home sleep and then drink a couple beers with your buddies" i realize that sounds the opposite of what most people do but as a graveyard shift worker i am forced to be opposite. its like opposite all the time, except that words still mean the same thing. the next invention i would like is the opposite day translator and an official opposite day. that is really the problem with opposite days, you never can be too sure if you are in one or not. if you ask someone if its opposite day and it is they will say no, likewise if you ask them if it is and it isnt they will say no. thus we need an official opposite day. i vote for a warm day maybe sometime in june. there are no good holidays in june now so this would make up. after i typed that i did some research. flag day is in june-- very possibly the shittiest holiday ever but one that is rife with drinking and debauchery, thus it is good. the summer solstice happens in june-- i definitely like summer, down thisaway that means it gets too hot for the bugs so you dont have to worry about the gnats anymore. for those of you privileged enough not to have to deal with this god awful swarm this is what they look like in mascot form. ( here in savannah we have the worst ever minor league baseball team name) anyways back to my opposite day machine, once we establish an official day as opposite day-lets say its June 13-- the government will issue all of us my opposite day machine. it will help people who arent used to opposite days get used to saying the right stuff and deciphering what others are saying if you dont quite understand how opposite works. but then there are some words without clear opposites which this machine would take into account and categorize them and assign everything an opposite. this will eliminate the arguments which occur over what counts as the opposite of something else. thus easing the strain of international anger on the ecosystem for one year. another thing that might not need inventing but i would like to see is that taco from south park the pooped ice cream that would just make my day. especially if the ice cream was edible. id just follow it around until i got a scoop of chocolate chip cookie out of him. another invention i would like is the clap snap remote control. this is a remote for your tv that clicks the channel up when you clap and down when you snap. how cool would that be? but you would have to be careful not to do it in front of any pet parrots as they might could learn to change the channels making clicking sounds with there mouths. you can never trust a low down dirty parrot. also in a tribute to the kids in the hall i think that they should make that pill that gives crabs or the clap ( i dont recall which) to ex-girlfriends. why not this sounds like a good way for guys to get back at ex-girlfriends. we all now that ultimately women have the power. if you dont know about this get that movie called 40 days and 40 nights, its kinda shitty but not too shabby in the end. plus there is a bonus-hotties. last but not least i think we should all be given space suits. you never know what could happen. what if the world ends but we dont die. you will be wishing you had your space suit then. also i bet we could go pretty far underwater in a space suit and with that nice big window to see out of you could see even the fish that glow in the dark. also it would be much more intersecting watching bank robbery footage if they were in those big clunky space suits. then if there isnt any air they will be robbing in slow motion and the indian guy who works there will be pulling out his shotgun and shooting back in slow motion. i dont think it gets much more entertaining than that. alrighty then gang i have wasted enough of your time and certainly mine i must be off. however i wish to leave you some words of advice. this comes from my man josef stalin who had no worries or regrets and was all around a pretty crazy guy. he said " a single death is a tragedy, a million death is a statistic." that comes from one cold dude on one heck of a cold day. summer time will back later this week. be easy on the peasy yall