Whiggidy whiggidy whack

Hey there, hi there, hello there, gothamites. (watch some batman you dumbasses) It has been quite the weekend in the life and times of nikia 2 da j. I walked 12 miles on a cold deserted road because of a major problem with that truck i love so much. I drank 5 12 oz. red bulls and i think i was hallucinating from lack of sleep! it was odd, i ended up leaving colquitt at 3 am, the town where my grandparents live, i left there house at 9 pm, it sucked, i had to throw away my happy garden of unboredom. But, at my grandparents i got to watch the motha fuckin patriots lose the super bowl to the giants, now, i'm no fan of the new york giants, but i hate those uppitty assed dookie faced dung sucking, shylock mother fucking patrots, i was the only one in the whole house wanting them to do the damn thang and i got mine!!!! It was a beautiful thing. Then we had steak, even better! It was also my favorite aunt's b-day on ground hog day, we had a grill the size of 4 filled with smoked ribs. I had all the party favors and unfortunately, some one noticed and had to start trying to cop on my ass, but i had to do what any man with family in the center of his soul would do and share the wealth, and then the good times really began to roll, we laughed at everyone and then we drank til we stank. I fell in the bonfire, then my aunt fell on the baby, it was AWESOME. The best part was the deviled eggs, damn i ate like 3\4 of the tray. The only part i could've done without was the half concious drive and the loss of the 6 hour tire swap job, that was the pits. By the way the flash also hate you for making that gay ass movie about the daredevil, everyone knows the flash can kick the daredevil's cane toating ass. But, for right now i gotta go do what i gotta do, ya'll eat your veggies or else. Nikia j 0u+

Genuine Relaxtion

The things about relaxing is that not everyone can do it. Some say it is ADD. i say if you cant relax you arent really living. What comes to mind when relaxing? Beers, good friends, maybe a bit of television. Not to mention the relaxing vegetation we all know about. Take me for example, i have had some much experience relaxing that i talk slower. Talking slower is easier and if something is easier it is more relaxing. i slouch so i dont have to use energy standing up straight, plus people dont like it when you tower over them. genuine relaxation is what is coming this saturday. after i go and eat with the sis and the moms i am going to race home and pound a couple beers and then the chilling will begin. i think first i might just sit at the house and do nothing, no tv no talking, just sitting. then after about 10 minutes of silence i will get tired of that and turn on the televizzle. who knows what will be coming on that day. maybe some law and order who knows, perhaps ill pop in robocop one. nothing says relaxing like a guy who gets shot the fuck up then gets turned into a robot who fights crime. but i might watch a funny movie too. maybe a little john candy, or some akroyd. even a little chevy chase is always good. maybe ill rent some ghost busters and think about busting ghosts. i could be venkman, brannon could be ray, miguel could be egon, and zino could be winston. you gotta have the black guy. fuzzy could be slimer. good old fuzz, she likes to be nasty.
well i have made it to 4:30 only 2 and a half more hours to go till i get to go home and nap a little. i think one day when i get rich i will buy a bar so that my friends have a place to drink where we dont have to worry about people who suck. i will cover the walls with the faces of people who cant come in. ill go out and take pictures of people i dont like just for that reason. i will go into the courthouse and take pictures of everyone who works there, they cant come in. everyone who ever made me wait in a line for a ridiculous amount of time would be on the wall. every boss who i ever worked for that sucked cant come in. i would also have special take home cups so that people can wash there own shit, i know i wouldnt want to. also i would only hire people who dont go to scad. also i would have a sign on the door that says free beer with scad cards, then when they pull them out we snap their photo and they cant ever come back. it will be a grand bar. i will have tvs and pool. maybe some karaoke, and it will be two rooms so if you dont like the music on one side you can go to the other. i will also talk to the city about the use of flashing lights outside my bar. they will not be tolerated. ill get drunk people to shoot out the lights with bb guns from the top of the building. fuck the police. then later when i run for mayor i will make the cops wear pink uniforms so as to seem friendlier, and just to be mean. ill make the meter maids walk, those bastards. and the people at chatham county lost and found will have to stay at work till 8pm. also everyone who works in the courthouse will get one deserving slap from a citizen chosen randomly after the workday is over because you know they were unnecessary assholes to someone. not to mention the people in the chatham county tax building. fuck them, one time we were in there and there was no one waiting but us and this fucking fat ass bitch is just sitting there looking at us. i was going to say something to here about it but anna said not too since we still needed there help. i think that maybe everyone who works for the city must have a butt plug as part of there attire that they have to wear everyday which is what makes the guys so grumpy. the girls have a handful of sand stuffed up there stuff everyday thats what makes them so happy. well thats good for today i feel. watch out for my and my comrade next post. they are certain to be doozies.

What a super Super Bowl

Well my suspicions were correct, the Giants managed to pull it off and spoil the patriots perfect season. I know that everyone from the 72 dolphins team is happy that it happened. The patriots season this year reminds me of my senior year playing. We were good as far as really small schools go with all white boys on the team. Although that was good because we played some redneck teams who would holler at them at call them names at stuff so it was better in the end. or so we thought. But anyway we were good and we played 3 teams who had never had a football program before so they didnt have many players. This meant they had to recruit some middle schoolers up to the team. now everyon should know that a high school senior is generally going to out weigh a middle schooler by at least 50 pounds although generally more. Also our team had a lot of seniors. So all these little ass kids come down from south carolina( we only played schools in SC because one of our coaches changed our conference a few years back) so they come down and they have a couple of big guys and a bunch of little kids. So generally we did as we pleased. we went the first part of the season blowing out teams by scores of 48-0 and 42-6. I mean those teams were shitty. Then our second to last game we had to travel to colleton prep. colleton prep is in a football town and they had also been kicking the crap out of all the teams in our division to. Also before the season a public school closed so all the kids had to change over to colleton prep. So they have around 50 players, most of whom are good, and we have 23 players about 10 of whom are useless, either too small, too slow, or just unathletic all around. They beat the tar out of us. i think the score was 47-7 but we might not have scored i dont remember all to well. this made us all feel shitty. but it was ok because we still had a chance to get to the championship. We won the next game and then the two playoff games, one of which we were losing till i got a safety and the tide turned in our favor. Then it was time for round two of us vs. colleton prep. We were in the champioship game and it was to played on the Citadel Field. It was a cold night and the ground was very hard but we were ready. we kept it close and didnt let up for those bastards but in the end they were able to pull away. i found the article from the savannah morning news about the game and i am going to provide the link so that all may regail in my old timey stuff. also if you type in my name and search it on that website i have been mentioned in the paper a couple different times. yes yes i am great. now here is the website for your pleasure http://old.savannahnow.com/stories/112302/SPTstandrewsFB.shtml . can you dig it. alrighty well it is nearing the 5 oclock hour and i have said enough for one day. tommorrow maybe i will tell oyu about what i think about life on other planets or why everyone will be the same color in a thousand years. until then the suspense will drip. try not to get it on you. sandford out

Super Duper Sunday

Well the day had come. time for the big game. I am still at work and it is now 5:30 in the a.m. when i get off i am going to have a couple beers maybe relax a little. then perhaps a little light reading and a poo. (i couldnt go at work because some asshole shitted it up and now it is stopped up) im not having anything good pop up into my head to blog on today for all you fine folks who subscribe daily. so to fill that void i am going to give all you non readers a list of people who hate you just for being you, plus all the non reading and whatnot. Firstly george w bush hates you. he loves our blog. also jack black and his band mate kyle gass. they love this shit too. the entire atlanta braves baseball team hates you because you missed out on the upper decking blog. fred and wilma flinestone hate you for not knowing that barney and betty rubble hate you too. shaq hater you because you are small and because you dont read the blog. wilt chamberlain has already had coffins made for you when you die he hates you so much. and so do all those women he boned. barney the purple dinosaur and snuffaluffagus hate you because it is your fault the site isnt more kid friendly. the king from burger hates you because we told him to. magilla the gorilla, modonna, evel and robbie knievel hate you because you smell so bad they can smell your stank ass even when they are doing there most favorite things. shredder and splinter have joined teams because they hate you. mario and luigi broke up because you suck so much. now mario is with sonic and luigi is boinking the lady in the metroid outfit and lara croft. mayor otis johnson and former mayor floyd adams hate you for the recent crime hike in our beloved town. all the people of djibouti hate you because it was you who caused erosion. the democrats in congress hate you because you really started the war, and the rebulicans in congress hate you because you used all the gas and raised the prices. everyone who ever on the price is right hates you because bob barker told them it was you who was drinving the oil tanker that spilled the oil in the artic and killed all the whales and cute seals and stuff. brown and black bears alike dislike you because you are the reason the bees have been disappearing. all of the bloods hate you because we told them you started the crypts and all the crypts hate you because we told them you started the bloods. everyone on the third coast hates you because you started hurricane katrina, and everyone in montana hates you for starting hurricane rita before that one. everyone who wears their hats tilted one way or the other hates you because you are el nino. monkeys in asia hate you because you started global warming and monkeys in africa hate you because you invented genocide. jews hate you because we told them you were hitler. dave chappelle hates you because you arent funny. walter kronkite hates you because you made his grass die. borat hates you because you told kazakhstan his movie was making fun of them. pamela anderson hates you because you dont love her boobs enough. tommy lee hates you for the smae reason, plus kid rock and bret michaels. howie mandel hates you because you made his hair fall out. doogie howser hates you because you made him go gay. little richard hates you because you dont think that the tutti fruiti is all rooti. mcdonalds worked all around the world hates you because you were the first to point out that the mcrib is shaped like ribs but has no bones. my brother in law doug hates you because it is you fault that the mcrib is a special sandwich what they only sell twice a year for two weeks at a time. i hate you because you finished off the a-1 before i started eating my steak. miguel hate you because you told the groundskeepers to blow all the leaves into his car right after he got it detailed. darcy hates you because you are shorter than she is and you started malaria, and she really hates that. anna hates you because you are the snitch who snitches on everyone who goes to jail after being snitched on. the los angeles lakers hate you because you made shaq leave. all of detroit and really all of michigan hates you because you told barry sanders he should retire early. you fuckin ass. the birdman hates you because you hid the keys to the birdmobile and deactivated the bird call return function. eightball and mjg and the whole youngbloodz crew dotn like you because you dont like cadillac pimpin. david banner doesnt like you because you made poor mississippians poor. black folks hate you because they didnt get their 40 acres and a mule. asians hate you because you took away there ability to grow tall. mexicans hate you because you white people and black people to lazy to do the shitty jobs. white people hate you for the BET and integration. indian folks hate you because you made curry smell funny. perverts hate you because you bleep out the good stuff on regular cable channels. short people hate you more everytime someone tells them they are short. fat people hate you more everytime someone offers them a second helping. people with brown hair hate you because you wear tight pants. men hate you because you have a lazy eye and it makes them think you are giving them a dirty look and women hate you because it makes them think you ugly ass is undressing them with your eye. old people hate you because bread doesnt cost a penny anymore. young people hate you because they cant watch dora the explorer whenever they want. the olsen twins hate you for making them twins. paris hilton hates you for making her be in the movie which led to more sluttiness(she figured what the hay after the first movie) the girl from clarissa explains it all hates you for pete and pete going off the air. reginald vel johnson hates you because his name isnt black enough. country music stars around the world hate you because we told them you invented rap. walt disney doesnt hate you, he doesnt hate anyone, but if he did it would be you. 50 cents hates you because it is your fault he didnt come up with a better name. the 1972 dolphins hate you because you are helping the patriots achieve a perfect season. moby dick hates you because you made him white. dirt hates you because that is all dirt does. harry from harry and the hendersons and alf hate you because people dont think they was real. gonzo fozzy the bear and balto all hate you for different but very real reasons which they will not divulge. omaha nebraska hates you for whipping out the indians and the indians hate you for killing all the buffalo. the buffalo bills from buffalo new york hate you because you helped canadians with there universal health care plan and they cant get in on it. ronald reagan hates you because you didnt like his movies. samuel l jackson hates you because you dont think he always yells and you didnt believe that there were mother fuckin snakes on that mother fucking airplane, because there were. that girl on the plane who got bit on the tit by the snake hates you because you just looked at her titties rather than helping pull it off. the grand canyon hates you for every joke someone tells about where to find a lot of crack and then they show them the grand canyon. sand paper sally hates you because you like the scabs on you pizza. saddam hussein hates you because he is fucking mean.
welll i guess i had more on my mind than i thought hope all you lucky readers enjoyed it. and as always be easy on the sauce. tommy

Groundhogs Day might be the best holiday movie ever

As we all know Bill Murray is a freakin genius with no lack of brilliance to slow him down. And he has been in many great films in the past. But when you think about it this movie had one of the greatest concepts ever. What if you were stuck in one day for ever? You wouldnt age. you could learn all sorts of stuff about people and then mess with them. and you could really do anything you want as we saw in the film he couldnt even die. so like if he was having a bad day he could jump in front of a truck and then he would wake up in his bed. Granted that song he always woke up to was annoying but it made the movies more realistic. Well when i got to work it was friday and now it is saturday. i have all the time in the world to get my sunday beer. it will be an excellent sunday also. i do have to work but i will get to watch the game first and hopefully it is starting early like the lady said so i might get to drink a couple of beers.
on the subject of work i dont hate working. but i dont really like it. if i were rich i would keep a job but an easy one like a bagboy at a grocery store or something that they can hire special folks for. if they can do it i sure hope i can. now i am not downing on special folks, we feel your pain, but seriously you arent special everyone knows that. who ever cane up with that is a jack ass. making them feel special. why couldnt they have just been called different. being different isnt bad. if it was no one would like me. i am tall, and handsome, and generally annoying. i fart alot and i am a know it all. Even i hate know it alls thats how i know that i am annoying. plus i have an ignoring problem. when people start to talk about stuff i dont like my brain deactivates. there seriously isnt anything i can do to stop it. i have been conditioned this way. when i was little my mom would start talking and my brain would turn off and we wouldnt have to argue because while my brain is turned off i am good at adding uh-huhs and alrights at just the right time to make it seem like i am listening. some may call it a blessing, i know i do, but many others hate it. mostly those who talk to me regularly and have witnessed it or felt the effects on their own. another thing about me that people dont like is that i am an asshole and i think my shit doesnt stink, metaphorically speaking because my shit does stink and really bad. well that was a good rant time for me to get my audit on. yall be easy for sheezy. DRINK BEER IN THE SHOWER.

don't get in barney

The gun man's work at it's very finest ladies and genitals. Now, for some of the nikia, first, you gotta love the non blocking, ya see here at the old soto, they got that bap ass web sense, and it blows dogs for quarters-no joke. Moving right along, i got 8 hours to ride tonightm it's gonna be crazy, and if i'm lucky i'll prolly end feeling fly the whole way there. I got some funk to listen to as well, so the only problem? I have to go at it alone. Which sux too. Now pot roast? That never EVER sux at all in any shape form or fashion what so ever, but tonight there will none, and that sux too. The gun man is right about those but hole munching yankees as well, yankees are like that first wad of gum on the bottom of your brand new shoe, you see it, swipe at it, but it's there to piss you off from now on. Dam, yankees. The height of tonight was holding a big ass ball python at the Oatland Island beastly fest, i used to own one but fate would not allow the enduring of his presence so to speak. Anyhow, lay off the soda annd preserve your kidneys aight. If you get invited to candy mountain tell that cute prick to shove it up his ass with a stove pipe stinger, we'll check ya'll on the flip side, big shouts to the gun man on his flaring return and dashing blog. Nikia out

Are you aware of the Blackness?? YOU SHOULD BE

Well folks as my good friend nikia has foretold i hath returned to take my rightful place on the blog. and i have quite the blog for you today. As you may already know my new position at my new hotel is night audit. and that basically means i have lots of time to blog and look at stuff on the internet. Today is the first day of february and it is a grand month. Not only is my the month of my oh so notorious birthday but also George Washington and Abe Lincoln were born in the FEB. Now I realize by now you are yelling at the computer screen that it is also Black Awareness month( as you should be able to tell from the title of this blog)but neither of those former presidents were black. I think they should have picked a different month that more influential black people were born in. Like they probably should have chosen what ever month MJ was born in. I know i want to be like mike and i also know that all my black comrades enjoy his shoes. So it could be like a discount on his shoes that month because we all know that they are stupid expensive. Even if you are in the jordan fan club you still have to pay alot of money for those shoes. i bought 5 pairs of my shoes for the price of 2 pairs of jordans and mine are way sweeter and more comfy. although i have found they dont make me play basketball better. i am just naturally good at everything. ask anyone. Now the super bowl is coming up this weekend however i must work. Luckily though it starts early and i dont work till late so i can probably knock back a few and then be ok to work. I think it will be a good game but you never can tell with these things. I mean the patriots have been kicking some ass this year. And despite my extreme distaste for yankees and their brood i must say they just might win. Although now that i think about it both teams are yankees fuck them.
Alright now to answer the questions i know you have all been dying to ask me. Firstly i did get fired but it wasnt all my fault. Well yes it was i was stupid. After that job i went to Wasabis a shitty asian restaurant. If any of you out there have ever worked for asians you can imagine just how shitty it was. If not i would describe it but without my excellent japanese-english accent it loses its flavor and spice. Then i applied to all the hotels downtown. However i had bad timing and all the scadsters came back and took all the good jobs. So i ended up with this nice night auditing job right next to river street. I get to come in late. I can sit down. I can look at anything on the internet. Thats right nikia no blocks here. And i print out some stuff easy as pie.
Now for my conclusion. In this month of reflection i think that they should get that one episode of the boondocks when Martin Luther King Jr comes back from a coma and isnt pleased with what he sees. And they should project it onto a big screen in forsyth park. I think it would be good times. plus there would probably be a riot. After the MLK episode they should play the one with white heaven. Damn that shit is funny. Alrighty then hombres yall enjoy this comeback there will be more tomorrow and the day after that. And all you none readers dont forget about all the m-fing coming your way if you dont get on the band wagon.