the longest thing of this things life

This is to be the longest segment in this blogs short life. i am going to tell many stories, some of good deeds and some deeds which harbor an ill will. First we will start off with the story of the many people in my life who have told me i am not a very good writer, buyt that bull shitting is a quality which i possess and use constantly. To begin lets start in middle school when they taught me that paragraphs need only three sentences and i took it to heart so from 6th grade until 9th grade i wrote all papers in 5 paragraphs with three sentences apiece. Now this may seem hard to the ordinary person but with a little work you can turn an entire half page paragraph into three sentences. So i got good at this, very good even. Then one of my teachers started giving me F's which made my mother angry since i always got B+'s.(i went to the same school for 14 years in a row so they start giving you gentlemans B's after a while thus the B+'s) SO i had to learn anew, and I did. With a magical new way of thinking i was able to turn my short paragraphs into pages and pages of seemingly inconsequential nonsense, which was actually i very well elongated short story. From there my teachers began to tell me not to write so much because i was wasting my time with my moronic stories that took more time than they needed to devote to it. Thus i went to college.
In college we had to take a test to determine what level of english and writing skills you had. Out of 4 different levels i was second from the bottom, not to bad. I did however finish first my friends said it was at least 10 minutes faster than the next fastest. Pretty sweet. Then came that fateful day in Mr Hohensteins class( he was still mister because he was earning his masters still) when we were asked what it meant to me to be southern. Obviously i wrote about how we are proud and this makes us more powerful, and smarter than out stupid and weak northern brethren. This was not what he was looking for he wanted examples of what made us proud not just a bunch of rambling about how the south will rise again and out love for big mud tires and hot women. This is when things went down hill and i slowly but surely lost my supreme confidence in writing. This is where the transition sentence comes. And that is when i gained my incredible confidence in my powers over the ladies.
it started off like any other type of incredible confidence story, we were in the dorm it was me and the other 12 dudes who lived on my floor and one their girlfriends and one of her friends. So that makes 13 dudes and 2 chicks. pretty bad odds you might say but not when you are tommy the amazing. And one of those chicks is taken. So the games begin we all put on our best showing of manliness. then we go out to smoke a cig( my ace in the hole) and only me and the one chick smoked plus mike( the guy with the girlfriend). So we head out to smoke a cig and the group consists of me the girl, mike, beth (mikes lady) and dave( a goofy yet loveable computer nerd, silly thinking he could out fox me). We are chilling and everybody has had a few whilst we played beer pong so everyone is just saying what they feel adn the girl says her bra is getting uncomfortable so i say why dont you take it off and i will waer it for a while to relieve the stress right. She gives me a funny look then looks at Dave and she says ok. so she gets it off without taking her shirt off and gives it to me. this isnt one of those regular bras with the two cups nay it was the full front thing with the latches at the back. so i am trying to put on this girl sized thing which i am way too big for and the girls are all giggling and mike is calling me and idiot and dave goes up to tell all the guys that i am wearing a bra and that they should come and laugh. it was at the next smoke break that i realized my powers over the fairer sex. everyone else had started back up for the party and we were in the back of the line and the girl stops me and says wait up. so i do and she says that out of all the guys there she has picked me to have sex with that evening. i thought that sounded fine so we went and made mike and beth cease their activities so we could go and fornicate away in her bed. the only problem was that her bed was lofted and there was a fishbowl at the end of the bed. there was a bit of rocking so we were worried about the fish, well she was at least. so we get out of the bed and get over in her roommates bed( roommate was out with her old man boyfriend but that is a story for another day and another time) thus the fornication begins anew but now we have more room therefore more positions. woo hoo. then the next day we wake up and go to their lunch room in Longwood(really the name of the school), from what i understood not enough long wood if you know what i mean, but good food. they had food from all over the world, we had salisbury steak with cheese from when it was cheeseburgers the day before. plus they had women we had no women. i hadnt seen that many women in one place liek that since way back when i had gone over to one of our upstanding public schools earlier in my senior year. I was flabergasted, women everywhere hotties and not hotties alike. it was heaven but i was there with her and this is where she asked me the fateful question on the second day of us knowing each other. she asked if i wanted to be her boyfriend, i said sure why not i wasnt doing anything else and billy bob wasnt all that sexy. so we did and it was good for a while till i realized all the hotties i was missing which i realized not 10 minutes before that sure why not. Why would someone subject himself to such torture you say. Was it the sex? nay Was it showing her off to my friends who didnt get any? a little yes Was my overarching love for her? shit no Was it that magnificent ass that just said do me do me do me? yes it was and i did it over and over. Now i know you may be asking isnt that the same question as was it the sex but it isnt. It has a much different meaning, i mean the way people turned their heads to see it and the way it bounced when patted gently. oh what a day we had. then those two days turned into two years and it was over as was my college career. I went for 4 semesters only one of which was i not on academic probation. Brilliance runs in the family. This is undoubtedly the longest post to date there for i shall give it a reprieve until yet another stroke of knowledge strikes me until then seacrest out
tommy

Shit in my cereal

Today someone shit in my cereal. Not necessarily literally but definatly figuratlively. its just me and everybodys favorite blond. i slept from around 9 last nite till around 10 this morning. 13 hours of sleep isnt too bad. i feel nice and rested. and even better lucky me i get the Ang all weekend whoo hoo.

on the good side of things it will all be over soon. maybe we will get christmas bonuses this year. 100 bucks would be nice. this stupid place doesnt like to pay anyone what they are worth. im still excited about winning the football pool. i still havent gotten any of my winnigns though. crap on that. if they dotn get it to me soon they will have my poop in their cereal, literally.
seacrest out
tommy

I REALLY got to get her out of here.

Well, here we are, at the job, stuck with the "Ang" and hoping to go home early or at least get her to. I did find some cheap car insurance and i got plans to go get into some serious fun tonight, imay just sit at home and do my thang though, it really just depends on how much longer i am stuck here with these antics of hers. My cats got a taste of the sweet life today, i gave them milk and took them to the marsh and we chased crawdads in the shallows, ferdinand got 4 i got 2 and teeny tiny furio got none at all. We let them go though no use in killing what you aren't gonna eat. Later my roommate peter and me got into real bad because he's such a hoe-boy. He just got out of the v-club and he acts like it has totally fried his brain cells, he supposedly on the path to enlightenment which requires the strictest of celibacy and almost every other day he tries to learn a new way to be a "chick magnet" when you confront him with this he immediately accesses his database of cop-outs and excuses as to why he isn't the world leader in hypocrisy. But that's enough of that, the wife suprised me with a whole pound of pastrami, i've had 4 sandwiches today and all of them were bad-ass!!!!!!!! I think when i get home today i'll have another. I got my favorite movie of all time in the mail, i think i prolly end up watching that if nothing else is going on. Just got to make it another 2 hours and 19 minutes. Just keeping her away and waiting for 11 o'clock. But you know how it is.

don't be such a jew

Well, it's another day in paradise. Got fruitcakes in the lobby putting together some dam puzzle, just had a close encounter with "Mr. Drop" i tried to make a joke and tell him that his last name was pretty heavy and looked at me like i had fallen off a turnip truck and had one stuck in my hair. What a prick. I had a bad experience not too long ago, it involved some of those jews, well, today i ran into the same jew that i had the bad experience with at the local circle K. Since he was there i decided that i would wait to go in and avoid a potentially hateful nasty conflict,
but to no avail he came out the store as soon as i get out of my car to go in, he sees me and we have words, so now i'm up here at the dam hilton with no squares, and a case of the serious munchies, that prick hippie mutha F***er made me want to go buy one of those new jew furnaces that seats twelve!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Other than that i got BIG plans for some grub later and i got the movie "Phantom of the paradise" in the mail not too long ago, when i get home today, it's going down like a plane crash. Can't hardly wait. That and it's still good to see the the old Jeffer is still gone. I mean split city! It's a beautiful thing ya'll. Be easy, Nikia Jonez out.

don't be such a jew

Well, it's another day in paradise. Got fruitcakes in the lobby putting together some dam puzzle, just had a close encounter with "Mr. Drop" i tried to make a joke and tell him that his last name was pretty heavy and looked at me like i had fallen off a turnip truck and had one stuck in my hair. What a prick. I had a bad experience not too long ago, it involved some of those jews, well, today i ran into the same jew that i had the bad experience with at the local circle K. Since he was there i decided that i would wait to go in and avoid a potentially hateful nasty conflict,
but yo avail he came out the store i get out of my car to go in, he sees me and we have words, so now i'm up here at the dam hilton with no squares, and a case of the serious munchies, that prick hippie mutha F***er made me want to go but one of those new jew furnaces that seats twelve!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Other than that i got BIG plans for some grub later and i got the movie "Phantom of the paradise" in the mail not too long ago, when i get home today, it's going down like a plane crash. Can't hardly wait. That and it's still good to see the the old Jeffer is still gone. I mean split city! It's a beautiful thing ya'll. Be easy, Nikia JOnez out.

day 4

yankees! damn yankees and their smug attitudes. think they are all high and mighty. rushing around with nothing to rush for. calm down you pansies.

on the plus side i will get 5 days this week. gotta keep payin the man. and christmas is coming soon. sweet. then i will be riding like butter on oil, slick. also on the lighter side, jeff is gone and wont be back said he didnt like mexicans and called us all wetbacks.

yeah u guessed it- frickin day 3!!!!

Well, i was having a tremendous day that was gonna conclude with a greater part of thenight in chill mode with some homies and good ass food. But now, i'm here at the hilton, The Jeffer quit so now his work schedule and mine are all on me. it's so overwhelmingly ironic the way things work out that i can't beleive that i got here and didn't get in car wreck on the way, but someone once told me that irony is just how the world gets it's payback. But what sux even more is being hung out to dry with the "Ang" as my compadre tommi puts it. I may try to barf and get th hell outt here!

day numero 2

well yesterday sucked at work, yet today is even worse. before i got to work the day was nice though. i slept in a bit and watch some of mission impossible one. thats a good movie still. i got to talk to a womens basketball team late last nite. fairly fugly they were but nice. they didnt however like my lunch suggestions which was disappointing. they said i was suggesting unhealthy food. i hope they lose again tonite.

i won the football pool this week. it feels nice. ill be rakin in the dough next week two because i am brilliant, and they are not.

i dont like hwo canadians talk
seacrest out
tommy

yeah its me

The funny thing about people in our line of work is the amount of "care" they really expect out of you. You know within yourself when there crying toyou about something deranged that even their loved ones would be like " well what the hell do you expect me to do?" and sit and look at you with a blank stare like jump to it.

yo yo yo what it is what it do?!?!?!?!?!?!? miguel here gettin live and on tha spot withit.

later on in day 1

heard about the new aliens vs predators movie. sounds alright. gotta be better than ghost rider, damn did that suck ass. that reminds me of a good television show back in the day called ghost writer with this dot that would fly around and rearrage any letters. like on signs and refrigerators and when he did this it would make clues to help the kids figure out whatever was wrong.

the best thing about working in hotels is how people are very understanding of the way the world works. they all act like they are the only people we talk to on any given day. when in fact we talk to hundreds of people everyday. some old and some new. and it is certainly a fact that age doesnt always make you wiser. for instance there are two of us here at the desk. me and miguel. miguel has a beard and i dont, yet people always think we are each other, very strange indeed. and thats all i have to say about that right now.
tommy

day 1

Today is a good day. Tampa Bay won!! I watched the stupids with tom arnold not too long ago. its an excellent film. in the hot box today at work we have an ugly casserole with some noodles baked in the cheese all crusty. something which looks like biscuits and gravy but undoubtly is very old and nasty. miguel said there was some good looking beef and gravy but thats never very good. It is exactly one more month til christmas and my new playstation 3. i am pretty happy as anyone could guess. thats enough for now. seacrest out
tommy