The Gol derned Intranet

First i wish to say that many of the episodes of Whos the Boss with Tony Danza were written by a gentleman by the name of Bud Wiser. Look it up you will see who is right.
Now to business. Back in the day before i went to college i didnt really like the internet. i mean sure it had porn and all but thats only cool sometimes. But then i went to school. at first i defied the internet but it was to make me its bitch by the time i was asked to leave that god awful school. My first day there i got a brand new computer compliments of the moms. She got me the cheapest one they had to offer, which i didnt realize because it looked much fanier than any computer we ever had before(all the computers we got before that were from my moms office because they were going to throw it away). Mine had a flat screen and speakers(can you imagine watching porn on the internet for years without sound?) it was an amazing thing i tell you what. Unfortunately my laziness got the better of me so I went and got good old Travis(we like to call him T-rav, he hated it). He was one of those wonderful human beings i so lovingly call computer kids. he loved anime and his computer and of course porn, typical of computer kids. Luckily for me travis was willing to put it all together for me and teach me how to use it. so now i was on my way, only i was on the internet i was on the intranet using my ethernet cable. It was wild stuff. like that commercial for the super bowl with donkey lips, damn that shit was good. Now on my intranet i was able to go into other peoples computers and look around and take stuff. i only took movies and music but you really could get at anything. Then i downloaded itunes for the first time. and so it was that i began my huge collection of crappy music with good songs stuck in every now and again. later that day i discovered collegehumor.com and i was blown away. i mean who knew that besides naked pictures there were also funny pictures on the internet. it was awersome. i couldnt wait to wake up the next day and see the new pictures. it was like heaven. that lasted me a good two years of fulfilling internet time. however today i discovered something even better than funny pictures. funny movies. it is called youtube. i watched this one where a guy from world of warcraft walks around singing that song from right said fred( i wonder what happened to fred?) and of course my favorite internet thing ever. that numa numa kid. he even has like 4 more movies. all equally funny. and then other people made videos similar to his original video. i never knew i could laugh while being so tired. it was remarkable. so kids the lesson for today is that the internet isnt just for naked chicks getting it on with each other and dudes, it is also about funny pictures and movies. also the weather and directions. im fucking tired and i am about ready to go home and sleep. watch out for the hamburglar and keep eating you wheaties. sandford out

Super Duper Sunday

Well the day had come. time for the big game. I am still at work and it is now 5:30 in the a.m. when i get off i am going to have a couple beers maybe relax a little. then perhaps a little light reading and a poo. (i couldnt go at work because some asshole shitted it up and now it is stopped up) im not having anything good pop up into my head to blog on today for all you fine folks who subscribe daily. so to fill that void i am going to give all you non readers a list of people who hate you just for being you, plus all the non reading and whatnot. Firstly george w bush hates you. he loves our blog. also jack black and his band mate kyle gass. they love this shit too. the entire atlanta braves baseball team hates you because you missed out on the upper decking blog. fred and wilma flinestone hate you for not knowing that barney and betty rubble hate you too. shaq hater you because you are small and because you dont read the blog. wilt chamberlain has already had coffins made for you when you die he hates you so much. and so do all those women he boned. barney the purple dinosaur and snuffaluffagus hate you because it is your fault the site isnt more kid friendly. the king from burger hates you because we told him to. magilla the gorilla, modonna, evel and robbie knievel hate you because you smell so bad they can smell your stank ass even when they are doing there most favorite things. shredder and splinter have joined teams because they hate you. mario and luigi broke up because you suck so much. now mario is with sonic and luigi is boinking the lady in the metroid outfit and lara croft. mayor otis johnson and former mayor floyd adams hate you for the recent crime hike in our beloved town. all the people of djibouti hate you because it was you who caused erosion. the democrats in congress hate you because you really started the war, and the rebulicans in congress hate you because you used all the gas and raised the prices. everyone who ever on the price is right hates you because bob barker told them it was you who was drinving the oil tanker that spilled the oil in the artic and killed all the whales and cute seals and stuff. brown and black bears alike dislike you because you are the reason the bees have been disappearing. all of the bloods hate you because we told them you started the crypts and all the crypts hate you because we told them you started the bloods. everyone on the third coast hates you because you started hurricane katrina, and everyone in montana hates you for starting hurricane rita before that one. everyone who wears their hats tilted one way or the other hates you because you are el nino. monkeys in asia hate you because you started global warming and monkeys in africa hate you because you invented genocide. jews hate you because we told them you were hitler. dave chappelle hates you because you arent funny. walter kronkite hates you because you made his grass die. borat hates you because you told kazakhstan his movie was making fun of them. pamela anderson hates you because you dont love her boobs enough. tommy lee hates you for the smae reason, plus kid rock and bret michaels. howie mandel hates you because you made his hair fall out. doogie howser hates you because you made him go gay. little richard hates you because you dont think that the tutti fruiti is all rooti. mcdonalds worked all around the world hates you because you were the first to point out that the mcrib is shaped like ribs but has no bones. my brother in law doug hates you because it is you fault that the mcrib is a special sandwich what they only sell twice a year for two weeks at a time. i hate you because you finished off the a-1 before i started eating my steak. miguel hate you because you told the groundskeepers to blow all the leaves into his car right after he got it detailed. darcy hates you because you are shorter than she is and you started malaria, and she really hates that. anna hates you because you are the snitch who snitches on everyone who goes to jail after being snitched on. the los angeles lakers hate you because you made shaq leave. all of detroit and really all of michigan hates you because you told barry sanders he should retire early. you fuckin ass. the birdman hates you because you hid the keys to the birdmobile and deactivated the bird call return function. eightball and mjg and the whole youngbloodz crew dotn like you because you dont like cadillac pimpin. david banner doesnt like you because you made poor mississippians poor. black folks hate you because they didnt get their 40 acres and a mule. asians hate you because you took away there ability to grow tall. mexicans hate you because you white people and black people to lazy to do the shitty jobs. white people hate you for the BET and integration. indian folks hate you because you made curry smell funny. perverts hate you because you bleep out the good stuff on regular cable channels. short people hate you more everytime someone tells them they are short. fat people hate you more everytime someone offers them a second helping. people with brown hair hate you because you wear tight pants. men hate you because you have a lazy eye and it makes them think you are giving them a dirty look and women hate you because it makes them think you ugly ass is undressing them with your eye. old people hate you because bread doesnt cost a penny anymore. young people hate you because they cant watch dora the explorer whenever they want. the olsen twins hate you for making them twins. paris hilton hates you for making her be in the movie which led to more sluttiness(she figured what the hay after the first movie) the girl from clarissa explains it all hates you for pete and pete going off the air. reginald vel johnson hates you because his name isnt black enough. country music stars around the world hate you because we told them you invented rap. walt disney doesnt hate you, he doesnt hate anyone, but if he did it would be you. 50 cents hates you because it is your fault he didnt come up with a better name. the 1972 dolphins hate you because you are helping the patriots achieve a perfect season. moby dick hates you because you made him white. dirt hates you because that is all dirt does. harry from harry and the hendersons and alf hate you because people dont think they was real. gonzo fozzy the bear and balto all hate you for different but very real reasons which they will not divulge. omaha nebraska hates you for whipping out the indians and the indians hate you for killing all the buffalo. the buffalo bills from buffalo new york hate you because you helped canadians with there universal health care plan and they cant get in on it. ronald reagan hates you because you didnt like his movies. samuel l jackson hates you because you dont think he always yells and you didnt believe that there were mother fuckin snakes on that mother fucking airplane, because there were. that girl on the plane who got bit on the tit by the snake hates you because you just looked at her titties rather than helping pull it off. the grand canyon hates you for every joke someone tells about where to find a lot of crack and then they show them the grand canyon. sand paper sally hates you because you like the scabs on you pizza. saddam hussein hates you because he is fucking mean.
welll i guess i had more on my mind than i thought hope all you lucky readers enjoyed it. and as always be easy on the sauce. tommy