The gas.

Do you fart often fellow readers? It has come to my attention that people out there are holding it in, and that is a problem. I'm a proud gas releasing half mexican motherfucker ya know. Everyone knows theres more room out than there is in, so what the fuck, why do these yuppie half cocked inbred swine look at me like i just ate a bumper of a caddy? I tell ya's why, they fear there rear. Its true, there flatulence causes them great anxiety and perplex their thought process causing confusion and mass hysteria. Its pathetic i know, just grasp the concept of the poo gas as a means of keeping yourself healthy. I mean holding it up inside your guts can't be good, its gotta be in there inflating some part of you thats not supposed to inflate like a balloon, and then whats worse is what if it pops?!?!? Where in the hell is it gonna come out at? When and if it does are you gonna fly around the room in a spiral with your but hole making that rubber buzzing sound? The possibilities are endless mane. Endless. I won't hold my poo gas in, i don't give a fuck, yeah its stinky, i mean it comes out of your ass, has anything that smells GOOD come out of yours yet? Then why the fuck do you expect my gas to smell like cinnamon rolls, or peach schnapps? Of course you can have fun with it too, and and every time i go into my boss's office i make it a point to leave a silent violent one in there with him in his new renovated office, and that bitch is small so you know that the methane and the porkchop vapors plus the beer fumes are all up in there reeking havoc on all his olfactory senses. The best is if you end up in the back of a cop car, oh yeah, let em roll. But for now compadres i gotta get on this food. Oh yeah, i learned something about myself the other night, i enjoy wine, like red wine, its good shit. Holla back.

Nikia Airlines

Welcome aboard flight 420 ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain Nikia Jonez speaking. The amenities for your flight will be distributed shortly. In the meantime please feel free to roam around the cabin, or to step into our champagne room and join the mile high club. There will be drinks and snacks in case the in flight blunt gives you cotton mouth or the munchies. Cologne, perfume and eye drops will be distributed as you vacate the plane. (We do have to keep the best in airlines services a secret or else everybody will try to get in on this) Now the bathroom is fully functional for those ladies who need to wash the smell of smoke off them or out of there hair. The hand towels are crushed velvet so please don't drop them in the garbage, just go ahead and flush them down the toilet. There's no children permitted aboard our air-line, but all the pregnant bitches feel free to lounge about in our parlor located at the rear of the plane, there will be a strictly organic buffet to follow once we are in the air. The t.v. located in the back of the seat in front of you does have pay-per-view as well as the playboy channel and internet connections for your PC. If you do feel the need to barf feel free to do it right into the aisle as they have been scotch guarded for your convenience. Other than that ladies and ladies men, enjoy your flight and don't worry about the seatbelt, we don't need those aboard flight 420.